Adolf Hitler, Jr.
Nominated Colonization
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“Best game ever!”
“Best game ever!”
“The funny thing is that I enjoyed playing this game and it was on sale!”
Adolf Hitler, Jr. is the hit sequel to the massively popular arcade-RTS-racer game Adolf Hitler from 1978 which never existed. It's eponymous protagonist, Adolf Hitler, Jr. is trying to save his father Adolf Hitler, who is being held captive by evil communist Josef Stalin. The game is also known for its lavish use of sound effects, featuring 56 different speeches by Adolf Hitler, which the captured Führer yells while caged.
Sequel to a prequel[edit | edit source]
When the designers at Nintendo had been tasked to come up with a revolutionising new game in two hours, they decided to have a dish of Sauerkraut before beginning, but during the meal one of the designers choked on the food, and fell down from his chair and landed on some crayons and paper. With his choking spasm he drew the basic level layout of the future hit, and a new game was born! When deciding on the identity of the characters, Nintendo opted for using characters familiar to the Europeans, since at the time Europe was by far the company's biggest market after America had begun making their own games. However, the designers felt the game lacked something in terms of back story, so they decided to invent a game to which Adolf Hitler, Jr. was sequel, simply named Adolf Hitler, making the game a sequel to a prequel. While this game was never actually made, Nintendo spent millions of dollars in printing purported old magazines, making old commercials, producing merchandise they secretly put in people's garages, making them "remember" fondly and with nostalgia the game Adolf Hitler. Actually, they even stressed that the original was better than the sequel.
History[edit | edit source]
Widely renowned for its inventive gameplay and gripping storyline, Adolf Hitler, Jr. would become the biggest commercially successful video game beside Qix, its only rival in terms of character development and gameplay. The game's retail price was 9,888,204,023,910$, so even though it sold only one copy, which was a mistake, but a non-refundable one, it easily became the best-selling video game during the Napoleonic Wars. It was especially popular in Israel, the people of which easily sympathised with the protagonist and his kidnapped father.
Setting[edit | edit source]
The game takes place in Nutziland, the great home of the superior Aryan race!
Story[edit | edit source]
One morning, Adolf Hitler takes his son Adolf Hitler, Jr. for a walk to show him the great achievements of the Aryan race, and to try out their fancy new party uniforms. They come across a Nazi Party party with a platoon of sexy courageous Aryan volunteer warriors doing a little goose-stepping, and Jr. is very impressed by their strong, Aryan bodies. However, Hitler notices something move around in the bushes, and goes to it check it out. He is then ambushed and captured by the evil Jewish pawn in overalls Josef Stalin, the man who saved Winston Churchill after Hitler kidnapped her in the fictitious original game. Hitler is then caged and taken away. But he manages to leave of trail of Mein Kampf books for Jr. to follow, and it is then up to Jr. to follow this trail, overcome the obstacles Stalin throws at him, and save his father!
Gameplay[edit | edit source]
The player controls Adolf Hitler, Jr. and has to negotiate hordes of Soviet war material which is thrown at him by Stalin, while making his way to his father and collecting copies of Mein Kampf on the way. Adolf Hitler, Jr. can walk and jump, and has to climb up the vines to get to his father. The trampoline is out of order, hardly surprising since it was made in Italy, by some Italian plumber.
Remake[edit | edit source]
It is widely rumoured that a remake of the game is in the works. However, the game will differ from the original since it will be MMORPG named World of World War II-craft, including ten races to play, nine of which are degenerate Untermenschen. There will also be six classes, from Oberführer to Reichsführer. America will not be part of the game, since it's a decadent haven of immoral Judeo-capitalism. Switzerland is included in the game, but should the player go there, their passports will be destroyed and it will take 5 real life years for him/her to get a new passport and be able to leave.
See also[edit | edit source]
| Fear their wrath, and beware their contrived names. If you are still confused about which one you want, you were probably much better off with Original Hitler. | |
| Hitler the Red-Nosed Reindeer: Satan Claus' favorite ride. | HONK HONK! Don't be sad with Clown Hitler |
| Darth Hitler: Join the white side, we have baths :) | Watch out, Poland! It's the Attack of the 50ft Hitler |
| Hadolf Itler: The Jews' greatest ally. | You shouldn't drop your soap around Gay Hitler |
| Adolf Hitler, Jr.: He's got the sadism from pappa! | The official nazi indoctrination channel: UK Hitler Channel |
| Everyone is Hitler: Because in this world, anybody can be Hitler... | ...well, anybody except for, of course, I Can't Believe It's Not Hitler |
| Evil Illuminati Adolf Hitler Clone Society: The folks behind this madness | |
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| If you are still unsatisfied with these Hitlers, you can always check out even... | |
| More Hitlers | |