From today's featured article
J.D. Salinger was this guy, he was a writer I think. He wrote this goddamn book, it was about baseball or bread or something. I can never remember that sort of goddamn thing, if you want to know the goddamn truth. I don't care much for school and don't pay attention that often. Except I do like English. So I guess it's kinda weird that I don't remember.
Anyway, this goddamn Salinger guy likes to go by his first two initials as his pen name, just like my brother D.B., who's actually my favorite author. Old D.B. I suppose he's still prostituting himself in Hollywood living in the height of his goddamn glory with the rest of the goddamn phonies. I hope to hell not, really. I should probably give him a goddamn buzz. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that President Hoover (Pictured) was an actual hoover?
- ... that individuals born under the sign of Gemini are often flammable and vulnerable to bear attacks?
- ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages?
- ... that Phonics (pronounced Pa-hon-iks.) is one of the deadliest and most addictive drugs on the streets? It is said to get children "hooked" in four weeks or your money back.
- ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?
- ... that Cup Stacking is a real sport? No, really.
- ... that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"
- ... that the average human male between the ages of 18 and 42 has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once?
- ... and if you haven't before you just did now?
In the news
- Former UnNews writer Lands job at the Wrap, writes first article (Pictured)
- Real news: Net Neutrality is gone, m'kay?
- Don't know what to get the little brats for Christmas? We have you covered
- Op-ed: Mass gay rape epidemic in Japan
On this day...
- 1862 - General Ulysses S. Grant orders the expulsion of all Jews from Mississippi, Tennessee and Kentucky. Both Jews are upset.
- 1918 - One thousand workers march on Government House in Darwin, Australia after being given spoiled vegemite.
- 1988 - Fatwā issued against Salman Rushdie after cameo in Bridget Jones's Diary.
- 1989 - First episode of hit animated sitcom The Simpsons, "Please Cancel After 8 to 10 Seasons", airs.
- 2002 - First sea turtle to choke on Star Wars garbage (Pictured) is honored on opening crawl in Attack of the Clones.
- 2010 - Tunisian kebab vendor Mohamed Bouazizi sets himself on fire after promotional stunt gone wrong.
Today's featured picture
Our newest articles
Big Me • Gothic metal • Death (band) • There’s no crying in tennis. • Ministry • Chutes and Leaders • Punk rock • Cinema of Israel • Nine Inch Nails • KISS (r/w) • Satyricon • UnReviews:Heaven Upside Down • Purple Rain Man (r/w) • Metallica • UnScripts:Waiting For Godot 3: Waiting For Gadot • Venom (band) • LL Cool J • Wayside School • The Magic School Bus (r/w) • Steve Miller Band (r/w) • Millennials (r/w) • Britpop • David Cronenberg • Benjamin Netanyahu • Lebanon • Transvestite • Scientist (rw) • Euroipods v AAAAAAAAA! • Octopus streak • Space Jam
Uncyclopedia on Social Media
Follow Uncyclopedia across social media to stay updated on the latest wiki happenings.
Uncyclopedia's Sister Projects
The news source on crack
The content-free encyclopedia
The ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid
Where noisy things can live and prosper
Another way to waste time
Instructions and guides for anything and everything
Useless misquotes galore
If it makes sense, we don't want it
Poetry for people who hate poetry
Debating all the irrelevant issues
We can ruin stage and film too
Don't make me explain it to you twice
We'll tell you why things suck
Broken media repository
Content-free worldwide travel guide