From today's featured article
|“||Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.||”|
— Oscar Wilde
Did you know...
- ... that Christmas was cancelled in 1984 after an unfortunate accident between Santa and a Boeing 747? (Pictured)
- ... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
- ... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?
- ... that bestiality just got 15 percent more legal?
- ... that the square root of 69 is 8 something?
- ... that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"
- ... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?
- ... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
In the news
- Trump presidency a dream, Bush in charge
- Trump warns against 'alt-left' and 'Ctrl+alt+del' groups
- Charlottesville: Stop the hate!
- Donald Trump confuses Presidency for Apprentice, fires Scaramucci
- Trump Jr. to make small daily confessions for the next four years
- Letter to the editor: Aliens ate my nephew!
- Comedian Kathy Griffin brutally decapitates Trump mask
- Ramblin' Man Gregg Allman dead at 69
On this day...
- 644 - A prodigous comet appears in the sky, in the shape of a rock. The rock magically flies through the sky, before it lands in ancient Greece and kills a busload of time-travelling nuns.
- 1868 - French astronomer Pierre Jules César Janssen discovers helium. Initially, he had a difficult time explaining the gas producing process without evoking gales of laughter.
- 1969 - Godzilla tries to attack France, but has to stop in Tokyo to ask for directions.
- 1989 - The Who, working in conjunction with Godzilla, trash several hotel rooms in Wales and Scotland. The Isle of Man is never seen again.
- 1990 - Godzilla attacks Paris, humping the Eiffel Tower twice before being driven back into the sea.
- 1991 - Godzilla attacks Paris again, this time bringing flowers. The Parisians surrender to his radioactive charm, and an evening of bliss is had by all.
- 1992 - Godzilla once again attacks Paris, leaving fifty-three successive messages on the answering machine of the Ile de Cite, each one more angry and irrational than the last. Paris gets a restraining order. In a blind, drunken confusion, Godzilla attacks a department store in Rome. Mothra and Mechagodzilla are called to drive the heartbroken beast home.
- 1993 - Princess Diana pre-died.
- 1999 - Cape Breton declares an open nuclear war on the Y2K bug subsequently pounding it into oblivion. Eminent scientists have confirmed this fact as the reason why much speculation about the threat of Y2K was ultimately unfounded.
- 2006 - Way more people die than usual.
- 2007 - The Canso Causeway, forever asserting the will of mainland Nova Scotia against Cape Breton, is melted in my microwave.
- 2010 - Godzilla sends a passive-aggressive text message to Paris, asking if it wants its copy of High Fidelity back or if he should just throw it away.
- 2010 - 1:24pm, Josh "I'm full."
- 2017 - User:Nuttymays deletes the #general Discord channel in the uncyclopedia discord server
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