Forum:Anyone resigns NotM?

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I come to you all as your October 2006 Noob of the Month...no longer. I found myself low on food the other day so I went to the grocery store. When I had selected the parcels I planned on purchasing, I went to the cashier. She told me the total (6.99 for beef jerky?!), to which I responded "Do you know who I am?!" She replied in the negative. "I am Uncyclopedia's 2006 Noob of the Month!" I replied in a heroic fashion. To make a short story shorter, being Noob of the Month October 2006 does not entitle you to free beef jerky at your local grocery store (you guys really oughta mention that somewhere; I was horribly mislead). Anyhoo, to get said jerky I had to get a job, and jobs take time, and time takes...well time. It's a chain that only ends in disapointment. I know what you're probably asking your screen right now, "why the hell are you wasting my time." Well, kind sir or madam, I am getting to that. Many of you might of voted for me because of "admin-like" cleaning, my writing talents, or even my dashing good looks, and I can't blame you for that last one. But what I can blame you for is the first two. Because of my new-found and unwelcome job, I'll no longer have the time I had in October to clean this shit hole you call uncyclopedia, or write (even though it's more like senseless drivel spat by a crazy cat lady well into a week long binge drinking episode). This is not goodbye, oh no Mhaille and Shandon, you can't get rid of me that easily...I'll still come back when I can (once or twice a week probably) and help out. But seeing as I don't and won't be able to continue my futile efforts to keep vandals at bay with the same verocity as I did to deserve NotM, It is only fitting that I am stripped of my award, the recognition, dignity, and all my clothes; leaving me naked and ashamed. Thank you to everyone who wasted their vote on me (except Mhaille and Shandon--no, you both deserve that Special Hell that's going around), but Kwakerjack is the true NotM. That bitch(no offense to bitches) can write like the dickens (and not Charles either). And also, his name is funny. --Anyone 20:53, 2 November 2006 (UTC)

When I was made NOTM, the mayor of my village erected a small statue. --Sir Hardwick Fundlebuggy (Bleat) 21:57, 2 November 2006 (UTC)

Enough of these already! Crazyswordsman...With SAVINGS!!!! (T/C) 22:17, 2 November 2006 (UTC)

When I was made NOTM, my agent convinced me to release a popular music record. I'm still living off the royalties. But I would have dearly loved statues to be erected in my name. • Spang • ☃ • talk • 22:31, 2 November 2006 (UTC)

That spoken word one that you did with Kirk kicked ass! On the negative side, the tour t-shirts at your concerts were overpriced and of poor quality.--Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 23:13, 2 November 2006 (UTC)

When IIII was made NOTM, we didn't have NOTM. We were ALL n00bs. So I had to get admin rights instead and used them to oppress the masses. - David Gerard 14:42, 3 November 2006 (UTC)

...and for the record, PotM doesn't entitle you to a free lap dance at the nudie bar. It does, however, get you a free toss to the curb, where you'll spend two glorious days and nights trying to remember what you did for the last forty-eight hours.--Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 23:13, 2 November 2006 (UTC)

This may be our first instance of the "Great Refusal" in the Order of Uncyclopedia. So, we could look at this as a remarkably kind and humble gesture. Or as a refusal to accept Uncyclopedia's grace.

Wait -- refuse OUR grace?

Anyone, I condemn you to Ante-Inferno! Chase that pennant and ignore those wasps!--Procopius 03:24, 3 November 2006 (UTC)

Keep your NotM, Anyone. The awards and whatnot are for what you did in the past, not what you'll do next. Although, now that I think of it, some sort of science fictiony "Award of the Future!" would be cool. --Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 03:43, 3 November 2006 (UTC)

• It's actually a time-honoured tradition to win NotM, then fade into obscurity. So keep your award and join the few, the proud, the ne'er-do-wells.  :) Yours in fellowship, ~ T. (talk) 14:25, 3 November 2006 (UTC)

Yes...excellent. My plan to once again throw the forums into chaotic arguing is going splendidly. Soon you will all find yourselves hit by the Bus of Drama, run over by the Tires of Frustration, and sucked up into the Wheel Well of Your Own Demise, only to be thrown out on to the asphalt. No, just regular asphalt. But seriously, I'm not refusing the award. I'm deferring it. Do you see the difference? (Hint: They're spelled differently). Don't get me wrong, I'm honored to be October NotM. It's even better than that time I got a Congressional Medal of Honor (which is highly overrated). But the NotM award is given to that special someone who shows promise in becoming a contributing, non-vandalizing member of uncyclopedia. And where as I might of showed that promise, I can no longer be the beacon of light you've all come to worship. But kwakerjak can. He's got a future. If you don't nurture him now, he might end up turning into a Modus or worse (yes, there's worse). Wouldn't you rather him become a beautiful butterfly, like Procopius or Hardwick?(nevermind, we got enough damn brits). And also, whoever isn't for Kwakerjak touches puppy privates. --Anyone 20:14, 3 November 2006 (UTC)

So, by deferring it now, you're planning on taking it back, eventually? That seems kind of cruel. That's the kind of trauma (or drama) that would, no doubt, turn Kwakerjak in "Modus or worse". Then we'd form "The League of Whatever it is that We are" and, Boom!, you'd have a cadre of ...somethings...crufting up the place. It would be all your fault, Anyone. Do you really want that on your head?--Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 20:22, 3 November 2006 (UTC)

I can't let this happen--I don't even like hats on my head. --Anyone 21:42, 3 November 2006 (UTC)

Hmmm, when I got Uncyclopedian of the Month, I just walk into a place and say "Do you know who I am? I am Orion Blastar and I was nominated Uncyclopedian of the Month for October 2006" and I get discounts and free stuff. Usually cries of "Don't hurt me Sir Blastar, I am just a clerk." are heard in the store. Also "Is it your birthday Sir Blastar? Here is a free cake" and "Here is all of the money from the register, Sir Blastar, please take it and leave the store and don't hurt anyone". But I must admit there are some clerks who just call the Police on me. When that happens I usually hear "Oh shit, it's Orion Blastar again, send the rookie in, I'm getting tired of ending up in the hospital" and "Fuck you, I'm not going to risk my life going in there to confront Orion Blastar, this time you go in" and "Wait, it is Orion Blastar, sorry clerk, you are on your own!" But then I am a mutant pirate ninja who is undead and insane, and I do have a history with people in my area when my mental illnesses act up. But then again, maybe it is my tone of voice, or how I act, or the weapons I carry, or how scary I look, I never really thought about it before now. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 04:59, 6 November 2006 (UTC)

NOTM has even fewer commitments than being Vice President. No need to resign it. -- » Sir Savethemooses Grand Commanding Officer ... holla atcha boy» 05:12, 7 November 2006 (UTC)

Vote for uncyclopedian of tomorrow/next week

Score: +2 confused voters

For myself. Also, I declare the voting to be over. Thanks guys, this means a lot to me. • Spang • ☃ • talk • 10:51, 3 November 2006 (UTC)

• For Spang. You can't end the voting that easily. you heartless bastard. I hate your guts.--<<>> 05:30, 6 November 2006 (UTC)

Vote for Kwakerjak to be October 2006 NotM

Score: -1

PLEASE NOTE: VOTING AGAINST OR ABSTAINING IS AN OPEN DECLARATION STATING THAT YOU, BY LAW, TOUCH AND/OR FONDLE PUPPY PRIVATES

• For. He deserves it, and if he doesn't get it I'm afraid Cornbread will do something rather rash. --Anyone 17:41, 6 November 2006 (UTC)

Comment: actually, professional judges at dog shows touch canine naughty bits all the time (how else are they supposed to determine "best in show"?) If I'm one of those, does that mean I'm allowed to vote against or abstain? --Kwakerjak 23:05, 6 November 2006 (UTC)

• Against. Ironically, my dog has a slight... issue... with his wang that I have to frequently correct whilst wearing gloves. We need to get him surgery. And I swear I'm not making this up. Anyway, just take your damn award, Anyone. --User:Nintendorulez 00:37, 7 November 2006 (UTC)

Nin, we all know about you and your dog by now, ok? Stop spamming that on every page on the site. For the life of me, I tried for hours trying to figure out what it had to do with the Wii before just giving up and deleting every reference to it.--<<>> 02:54, 7 November 2006 (UTC)

• Against My puppy/dog is a K9 unit from the year 5000 that I got via some time travel. He has no private parts being a tin dog robot. Yet he does instead have a laser blaster than comes out of his mouth/nose that he can zap stuff with. So I guess that laser blaster is his private parts. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 03:49, 7 November 2006 (UTC)