Why?:You are wrong

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You are wrong. You were never right, or even close to being right, in your entire life. In fact, our reviewed[1] research with shows that you have an 120% likelihood of never being right in your life. No, the data doesn't matter, only the big number does. Let me repeat it to you, you are wrong on every topic you know about, even the ones you don't think you know about.

You are wrong[edit | edit source]

You have been misled by the media, who have biased viewpoints and have been feeding you propaganda in order to take money from you. They have no concern about you and only want money and popularity for themselves. Stop reading the so-called 'neutral' newspapers and listen to us. Listen just to us. Just to us... to us... us...

You have read all the wrong newspapers and websites. You are missing the point of every issue and have been living in a simulated reality all along, not having the dedication to break out of it. You are diseased from not using your own brain to think for once. If you did, you would immediately recognize our wisdom and submit your mind to us.

But I'm right![edit | edit source]

No, you're not. You have been wrong on every single topic there is. Please shut up and accept us as the truth. Otherwise we will have to storm your country's political legislative building, and you wouldn't want that, would you?

We're the experts[edit | edit source]

We are the experts with the most expertiness[2] in the world. We know whether everyone else is right or wrong, and as a gesture of goodwill we share our analysis freely on Facebook and Twitter to our 14 followers. If we say you're wrong, you're wrong. We know best.

Data to show that you are wrong[edit | edit source]

This chart proves that you are wrong, even if it has nothing to do with the topic whatsoever.

These intimidating charts and large numbers show that you were wrong. Still think you're right? Calculate the statistical mean and the standard deviation yourself. If you can't, that means that you can't disprove us as we were right all along.

Big numbers are good. Common sense and logic is bad. Listen to us talk about numbers and charts that you don't understand and agree with us. Remember, we're the experts. We know what we're doing[3].

What about these other issues I know about?[edit | edit source]

No, no, no. You know nothing about these issues compared to experts like us. In fact, even what you do know is based mostly on lies told by big pharma and the media. Stop trying to argue with us. You are only arguing with the truth. We will prove you wrong in time[4].

For an untainted view of the world, you must get it from a truly impartial source: us. We thoroughly check all incoming news and deliver the ones that reflect the world as it really is[5].

But no one likes you![edit | edit source]

The reason the 'mainstream' media do not like us is because we tell the truth and shatter their so-called 'neutrality'. They are just jealous and want a share of our $10 dollar bill which we use to buy food. Don't listen to them and get your information from trusworthy sources, such as Conservapedia or Fox News.

Projecting your fears onto others[edit | edit source]

Even more despicably, you have projected your insecurities onto others. Just because you are on benefits and have two children to feed does not mean you have to stoop so low as to write an article on a humour website claiming that everyone who reads it is wrong. Jesus, just how deranged are you?!

How to be right[edit | edit source]

You are an ignorant person and have no idea of reality, but we can help you. Just repeat everything we say without thinking and you'll always be right, because we are always right. Join the Trump cause today!

That was complicated! Can you make it simpler?[edit | edit source]

Don't worry, just remember this:

  1. Correction: self-reviewed
  2. If you think that isn't a word, well, we've just created it.
  3. Which is to convince you to give your money to us and help us take advantage of you
  4. When we achieve world domination and vaporize you
  5. Well, the ones that reflect the world we want you to see