Why?:Is my Phone Battery Dead

It is just like any day. You wake up, your phone is plugged into the charger, it is charged to 100%, and it is ready to go where you want to go. You unplug your phone, check your notifications, make a phone call, and then it happens. Your phone displays the spinning wheel of death, and shuts off. Then, you try to power on your phone to see a low battery symbol upon startup. Why is your phone battery dead?

Your phone hates you

Sometimes, phones have feelings, particularly 3-year-old iPhones that seem to cry when they are sold to another owner. So it will be no surprise that your phone will fake dead when it is angry or mad. If it gets overly mad, then give your phone some cannabis to cool it down. Just do not give it too much or where it is illegal.

This phone is getting angry at Steve Jobs for creating a million others, making him not feel special.

Your phone needs surgery

Sometimes, your phone needs a dissection. This is because sometimes it needs open-heart surgery. In this case, it would be best to take your phone to a hospital where they will be able to cut open your phone and give your phone a transplant.

Your phone has birth defects

When your phone is born out of a factory, it can be defective, meaning that it is either missing a component, has an extra component, or has a defective component. If your phone has birth defects, then it is recommended that you take your phone to the factory so it can be replaced. (Sorry, phone!)

Other reasons

• Your phone is getting married.
• Your phone wants attention.
• Your phone is pranking you.
• Your phone wants to be like John Cena, but is failing.
• Love. Your phone is all out of love. When was the last time you showed your phone some appreciation? Never? Praised it for doing a good job? Not once! Motivated it? Ha! Yet you wonder why its' battery is dead?! You're so insensitive!