User:WarriorBastian/The milk

Milk is what is known in South Africa as ‘melk’ and is known in Azerbaijan as ‘sud’. Milk manifests as a liquid matter that is white in color, but can take other forms if coaxed into such forms by a spell with a caster level of 11 or higher. Milk is relatively harmless if kept in a carton or jug and poured into a cup of heated sand, plastic, or resin. Please do not keep milk in glass bottles, for it will refuse to work with you, and after about 39 weeks, will suddenly transform into a milk-made effigy of David Bowie.

Chemical and elemental makeup

The Milk River of Alberta, a popular tourist location. Also a place where Kanye West gets his milk.

Milk, though simple-looking, is made of seventeen core elements, all of which can be found on the Periodic Table of Elements. Four of these are transition metals (niobium, zirconium, mercury, and and tungsten), three are metalloids (arsenic, antimony, and boron), three are lanthanoids (cerium, terbium, and ytterbium), five are actinoids (fermium, berkelium, actinium, uranium, and curium), and two are undetermined (green starmetal and solarian truesteel). Some argue that the cohesion of these normally clashing elements was part of a ritual conducted by Cthulhu, an elder god of R'lyeh.

Origins of milk

As stated earlier, some exceptionally retarded folk believe that the Cthulhu was the one who created milk. However, SCIENCE says otherwise!! As proven by crippled scientist Stephen Hawking, milk was actually devised by ancient, dastardly furries who wanted to implant some sort of technology into female humans so that they could have something to masturbate to. Unfortunately, the furries could not replicate cat-girls (called 'nekos' in Japan), but got something pretty fucking close.

The process was horrifyingly simple. Putting the female humans into 'krasis tubes' (with 'krasis' a word made up by the furries) would cause the human female to be poked at and prodded with needles originating from outside the tube but as part of the machine. This invasive surgery would give most male furries a massive erection, which was probably just a side-effect of the process, seeing as to how more furries drowned in their own cum than ever when witnessing the final product.

A common breed of milk-bearer.

After this, the injections that the fetish-inducing needles took from the unwilling female would be transported to a 'sisakr tube' (with 'sisakr' being the opposite of 'krasis' and another word made up by the furries) to be turned, along with the cum that the male furries produced so willingly, into an augmented female humanoid whose growth process was accelerated. This augmented female humanoid, also known as a milk-bearer, had little to no intelligence (much like the furries that birthed it) but did have four tits, much like a certain bovine animal.

The milk-bearer population thrived once, but after a heroic SoundCloud rapper named Boobie Lootaveli arrived from an unknown realm and destroyed them. There are about seven hundred milk-bearers currently alive, with the 'vast' majority (351) being tended to on the island of Orgasmia. Since then, milk has become a common food.

How the furries understood the advanced chemicals used to create milk, even Stephen Hawking has not figured out. Most people guess that they literally just threw some 'science shit' together in their primitive mockeries of 'science labs'. The ruins of these areas still litter the area around Saudi Alberta, along the Milk River.

Another theory, first speculated by Pablo Picasso, consists of milk being seeded on Earth by latent Outer God Yog-Sofserve, the Black Goat of the Cream with a Thousand Flavors. Haha what a fucking retard. However, Boobie Lootaveli stars in this adventure too! Considering that the premise of this story is a Lovecraft Lite sort of thing, Boobie Lootaveli destroyed the Outer God's cult and sent old Yog back to his extradimensional prison.

The appearance of Boobie Lootaveli in both of these accounts is likely the byproduct of the article's writer is busy huffing kittens.

Commercial value

Vietnam? Milk.

Milk is currently sold in 549 dimensions and 33 countries. A glass of milk costs 19 pesos in the country of Mexico, yet an entire jug of milk only costs about 5 dollars in America, showing you how progressive the U.S. is.

Milk was brought to America by the hero Boobie Lootaveli (mentioned earlier) after he slaughtered the milk-bearers and took the resources they brought 'to the table'. The heroic words he spoke when serving the first glasses and cartons of this 'delicious' substance were "If the bullets hit you, know your momma finna miss you!" A cryptic message indeed, Lootaveli may have been slightly corrupted by the pervasive dreams of Cthulhu.

It is noted that one must not drink spoiled milk or pour spoiled milk on egg yolks, for it can cause the pourer/consumer to be instantly transported into a state of being dead. When milk is solidified, it can be made into 'milk cubes', a popular treat in South Korea.

Mathematics of milk cubes

A common misconception of milk cube mathematics is "Milk = M. When M³, you get milk cubes."

The real way to do the mathematics is: Milk = M. Milk in another form = MIAF (duh). MIAF² = milk squares without the third dimension. Therefore, the mathematical formula to create milk squares is MIAF^{2+third dimension}, obviously.

However, this formula is rarely used to make milk cubes. Usually, the South Koreans (the most common consumers of milk cubes) just threaten milk into solid form with their K-Pop music, then fashion the poor scared solid milk into cubes with scalpels and stilettos.