User:Velosi-T/The Idea Bin/lucifermovie
Two young students are sitting in science class. All is quiet, except some loudmouth up at the front. The two students begin to hatch a plan...
JOE: Dude...we should totally make a movie about some guys going to hell.
NATHAN: Yeah, man! It could be like Jackass for Catholics! Here's what we should do...
The two young students start whispering in urgent whispers to one another about what insanity this "movie" of theirs would have, when suddenly, a lightning bolt appears out of nowhere and smites them. Nine children die. And there was much rejoicing.
Scene 1:Woah[edit | edit source]
The two students wake up on a flat, grey something, with the Stairway to Heaven (angelic chorus) in front of them.
JOE: Uuugh....dude, what happened?
NATHAN: I...dude...I think we're dead.
JOE: No shit, sherlock, what gave you that impression? Could it be the massive Stairway to Heaven (angelic chorus) in front of us? Huh?
NATHAN: Well, we probably oughta go up there, shouldn't we?
Nathan takes a few steps up the staircase. Out of nowhere, a foot appears and dropkicks him away.
NATHAN: Okay, fine. May I please go up the Stairway to Heaven (angelic chorus)?
Nathan takes a few steps up the Stairway to Heaven (angelic chorus), and is dropkicked again.
NATHAN: Oh, alright. I see how it is....
Nathan discreetly hands over ten dollars to a hand that appeared out of nowhere, and gets on the Stairway to Heaven (angelic chorus). He gets halfway up and is dropkicked yet again.
JOE: I told you you'd need more than ten bucks. I mean, seriously, man. It's heaven. You think ten bucks is gonna buy you eternal happiness? Yeah, I didn't think so either, DIPSHIT.
NATHAN: Well, fine. I guess we go to hell, then.
Scene 2:Hell[edit | edit source]
The two ex-students are standing in front of a plain door with a rickety sign reading "Hell" over it.
JOE: Well, this must be the place.
Joe opens the door.
JOE: HOLY SWEET JESUS it's hot in here!
NATHAN: Seriously? How bad is it?
JOE: Nah, just kidding, man, its fine, I don't know why people make such a big deal out of that.
The pair descend the stairway when Joe steps on a creaky stair. He backs up, then steps on the stair again.
JOE: Hey dude, check this out.
Joe starts laying out some insane beats on the creaky stairs. Nathan joins in. Passerby on the stairway stare at them with horror. However, they know they like it.
JOE: Alright, dude, lets go.
NATHAN: Hold on a minute.....
Nathan pulls a cat out of his pocket.
Scene 3:Enter Satan[edit | edit source]
Satan is sitting in an easy chair (red, of course), stabbing somebody casually with a pitchfork. A cat falls out of nowhere, landing on Satan. Satan runs screaming like a little girl for about 5 minutes, then finally shakes the cat off. He flies up the staircase.
SATAN: WHICH ONE OF YOU FUCKERS DROPPED THAT CAT!
Everyone on the staircase points up at Heaven (angelic chorus).
SATAN: Good lord, if I had a nickel.... GOD!!! How many times have I fucking told you! Do NOT leave your fucking animals on my fucking staircase! I am TRYING to run eternal misery here, and it doesn't help to have fucking animals falling on me every fucking day! Just last week I had an entire COW fall on me. You know what it feels like when a cow falls on you? Picture a monkey having sex with a football. Yeah. That's about how that feels.