User:Thegangstathatlovedme7810/Grand Theft Auto: Konoha City
“It´s totally Regular.”
“WHO STOLE MY MOTHERFUCKING CAR!?!?!”
“The Fucked-Up Era of Grand Theft Auto Games... This is NOT the American Dream.”
| Grand Theft Auto: Konoha City | |
|---|---|
 Not only is this game shitty, the BOXART is bad as well. | |
| Developer(s) | Rockstar |
| Release date | 2008 |
| Genre | Free-Form |
| Platform(s) | Playstation 3, Playstation 4, Xbox 360 |
| Rating | R 18+ |
| Would Jennifer Lopez play it? | I guess so...!!! |
Grand Theft Auto: Konoha City is an entirely wannabe-style follow-up of hit game Grand Theft Auto IV. The player controls a drug kingpin recently released from prison who works for the Los Santos Vagos, a fucked-up gang organization (or whatever those so-called smarties call it) in a city named Konoha City (that suffers from no crime or corruption whatsoever) somewhere around 1989, the drug dealer era. When the game was released in 2008, many criticized it for no airplanes, not even guns and lack of any HD graphics. Despite the fucked-up gameplay of the game, Konoha City continued to sell well into Playstation 3 figures (probably because the console was such a failure).
Things from Grand Theft Auto IV that Konoha City is missing[edit | edit source]
Among the things Konoha City lacks are getting a life, kissing a girl (the main character must be gay then), stealing cars, eating Dunkin' Donuts, your mom, a condom and approaching closer than 3 inches from a furious bullock than a person has ever dared. Here are other technical failures Rockstar has announced as of 2010:
- Your character cannot fall from 95 feet in the air, or else your crotch is gonna bleed like a pussy!
- You can't swim, either. (Which is really bad because Rockstar fucking said that you would drown!)
- The character in your game is not as tough as a retarded fatass who can't even play a clarinet without having a person lodging ballistic junk food into his windpipe, so watch your health meter, or you're dead in nanoseconds!
The most stupid failure in the game is that the main character is gay. Other than that, this game's nice for a Playstation 3 game.
Characters[edit | edit source]
Asuka Yamamoto: The protagonist of Konoha City and the only character known to be gay. Asuka escapes the pressures of being in a Vagos gang and leads a Mafia store instead. When finding out about the corruption of his senior bosses, he decides to go to San Fierro. Oh, and he is the only GTA series protagonist that is killed, in the final mission "Farewell, Crappy Citizens..." as Yamamoto sacrifices himself in order to save a man he was dating from being murdered with a 9mm.
OG Loc: The gangster Asuka was dating. In an attempt to save him from a female psychopath, OG Loc flies him to San Andreas and makes him stay there until the mission "Eh, Things Is Fucked-Up, Doc". It was Asuka who wanted to choose the mission name.
Catalina: A rampaging and gangbanging psychopath from GTA III who is after Asuka. Her catchphrase is "What goes alive, stays dead". Oh, and this is her zombie, because the live Catalina was killed in 2001 by a "snake without a tongue". The main antagonist of the game.
Jizzy Steam: The son of Jizzy who is now 18 and the owner of the Vagos gang that Asuka works for. His name is really Wu Zi Mu, and used to run a casino in Venturas with a gang called the Triads, but got away from them because they were "stupid", and said Wu Zi Mu is a "name for a redneck". The only serious person in the game as well! Also the second antagonist. For an example, see Why is Jizzy Steam a Villain?
Why is Jizzy Steam a Villain?: For an example, see Jizzy Steam.
Random gangbanger on the street: Is killed at the beginning of the game, in The Introduction, for a reason that nobody cares why or how it happened.
Abilities and cars in the game[edit | edit source]
There are almost no abilities for Asuka in Konoha City. Asuka is just a washed-up, gay, person-without-a-life man who always strolls across the streets in search of a house, and potentially, a car. Because he has no money and respect either, he is given no choice but to steal cars instead. Did I mention he's gay?
There is at least a bit of cool abilities in the game, like getting a high jump once you've completed about 370 storyline missions, each with their own level of being hard. A jetpack also comes once you've completed about 932 missions. Although the game is frustrating, it is actually the best Playstation 3 game there ever was, because other Playstation 3 games have a habit of being pure piece of shit and fuck, also because they've only sold like 1,200 copies. The most common words you will hear coming out of straight males' mouths are: "Don't you have a girlfriend, you gangbanging motherfucker? Because the TV just told me that you like to make sex with other men!" The game has been known for its pointless drivel and incessant graphics.
And guess what? You can't even steal cars!