User:Sockpuppet of an unregistered user/Constitution of the United Spades of Amerika

Constitution

Constitution is a word pertaining to a document creating laws for a nation. Generally, a constitution leaves a nation gibbering in its sleep after a number of years because the system which it establishes is rather convoluted. For example, one of the most well-known constitutions established to date created a system under which George W. Bush attained its highest office. For example, here is the Text of the United States Constitution:

Preamble

We the people of the United Spades, in order to farm a more perfect onion, establish just us, ensure domestic beer undrinkability, provide for the common offense, promote the Generals on welfare, secure the blessings of little tea (money and slaves) to ourselves (white, male, Protestant landowners) and our posterity (but only the white ones, not the ones we fathered with our slaves) do order a cheese pizza and establish this Constitution for the United Spades of Amerika.

Article One

The legislative branch is composed of Congress, which shall be defined as the opposite of progress. Congress shall consist of two houses, The House of Reprehensibles, and the Senile. Because of this, all members of the Congress shall also have two houses, their regular, opulent residence, and an expensive beach house. Congress shall be the only body allowed to write, vote on, and pass laws governing the people. They shall also argue with, posture to, berate, and bilk money from the people. Congress also shall be the only body with the power to declare war, unless the President wants to...then he needs a really good reason, or a convenient one, or whatever, He's the President; let him decide. Congress shall also be granted the power to impeach the President for high crimes, misdemeanors, blow jobs, and basically getting more air-time than he deserves. Congress shall be given not one, but two television networks: CSPAN and CSPAN2; these will be the most boring and unwatchable channels on any cable or satellite service.

Article Two

The Executive Branch shall be headed by the President, but really controlled by the Vice-President if the President is basically just a face. The President will be considered God of Amerika and can pretty much make up stuff as he goes along. The President is limited to 2 four year terms, unless FDR wants to run for more; if so, let the crippled baby have his candy, sheesh poor bastard... no legs, ugly shrew of a wife. Oh yeah, that reminds us; the President must have an ugly shrew of a wife, or if she's not ugly, she should be so puritanical that the President can't get any even on his birthday. Because of this stipulation, the President can bag any actress, campaign staffer, intern, cocktail waitress or stewardess he wishes; it's only fair. But NO BLOWJOBS! We can't stress that enough; that's immediate grounds for impeachment! The President may appoint advisors to his Cabinet (which like a liquor cabinet is always full of booze) but these appointments must be approved by Congress, which will bitch and moan no matter how qualified the appointee is. Presidential dental and Doctor's appointments must also be approved by Congress, and he must bring a note from said doctor to be excused from gym class. The President gets a Jet, car, helicopter, and secret bunker, just like Batman. The President is Commander-in-Chief of the armed forces, even if his only military experience was patrolling the dangerous skies of Texas, defending Texans from the Mexican Air Force, or indeed if he went to England and smoked pot to avoid being in the armed forces. As CIC he can send troops to any windswept steppe of the world and engage in "police actions" "peacekeeping missions", "conflicts", and "humanitarian-aid missions", but NO WARS without Congress' declaration... Oh, who are we kidding; war declaration is just a technicality anyway. The most distinction anyone will make between War and "conflict" is an asterisk in a history book. The President meets with all foreign dignitaries, taking them to his ranch, riding around in pick-up trucks, and barbecuing for them. Oh, and he gets to sign laws and veto and stuff.

Article Three

The Judicial Branch shall be composed of The Supreme Court, and whatever other courts Congress can think up. If they want to have a District Court, fine; Appeals Court, whatever; Tennis Court, pushing it; Food Court, now that's just silly! The Supreme Court, and The Even Supremer Court shall consist of Nine Justices. Why nine? Why NOT nine? The justices will serve for life, much like the Pope, and like the Pope, the judges get cool robes. But no wigs, Wigs? I'm sorry but that's just gay. British judges look incredibly gay in those, and that's one of the reasons we fought the revolution. The justices will be appointed by the President who should select the most wacked-out flaming radicals he can find. Congress must approve of the nominations, and honestly why wouldn't they: some radical whack-job in a dress who gets to interpret our rights til the Grim Reaper harvests his soul? The purpose of the Supreme Court is to interpret the laws passed by Congress, and determine if they agree with this little ol' document right here! And just so you know: we do agree with marrying your lesbian lover while wrapping your aborted fetus in the flag and screaming at the top of your lungs, in a crowded theater no less, "God is Dead and the Ten Commandments are a joke!"

Article Four

The Drive-up Branch of the Bank of Amerika will be open after regular banking hours for your convenience. You can use your ATM card 25 hours a day at many convenient locations! Thank you for banking with us!

Article Five

Reasonable attorney's fees and other expenses of litigation must be awarded to the prevailing party in an action in which a remedy is sought under this article. An issuer shall observe standard practice of financial institutions that regularly issue letters of credit. Determination of the issuer's observance of the standard practice is a matter of interpretation for the court. The court shall offer the parties a reasonable opportunity to present evidence of the standard practice. Identifying and determining compliance with standard practice are matters of interpretation for the court, not for the jury. As with similar rules in Sections 4A-202(c) and 2-302, it is hoped that there will be more consistency in the outcomes and speedier resolution of disputes if the responsibility for determining the nature and scope of standard practice is granted to the court, not to a jury. Granting the court authority to make these decisions will also encourage the salutary practice of courts' granting summary judgment in circumstances where there are no significant factual disputes. The issue of whether a particular security procedure is commercially reasonable is a question of law. Whether the receiving bank complied with the procedure is a question of fact. Good faith means honesty in fact and the observance of reasonable commercial standards of fair dealing in the letter of credit transaction. An issuer or confirmer acts in good faith if its honor or dishonor of a presentation is based solely on its determination as to whether or not the presentation appears on its face strictly to comply with the terms and conditions of the letter of credit as provided in Section 5-108(a), even though honor or dishonor is made with knowledge of a claim of fraud or forgery made by another person.

Articles Six Thru Seven

Yeah, nobody but your Civics teacher remembers what these say anyway, you learned them in High School to take that test and then forgot them... me too. I'm pretty sure there's something in here about a "Supremacy Clause" which declares Santa to be the supreme symbol of any holiday... but other than that... nope, I'm sure it's not important anyway.

Non-American and un-American social studies teachers don't even get to learn these. Hooray for communist un-American universities!

Signers of the Constitution

• George Washington
• Benjamin Franklin
• Thomas Jefferson
• Ponce de Leon
• George Clinton
• Christopher Columbus
• Samuel Adams (who thought it was always a good decision)
• Tony Blair
• Oscar Wilde
• A bunch of other Fucktards
• MacGyver
• Richard Nixon

Singers of the Constitution

• William Shakespeare
• Madonna

Amendments

For some strange reason, the Constitution has been amended 27 times. From Banning Booze to ballots for babes, it's all in there! The first ten amendments are called the Bill of Rights, and if you think I'm writing about them here, that makes you the Bill of Wrongs! especially if your name is Bill.

Other notes

• Constitution (or CON) is also the character stat that defines how many Hitpoints, Stamina, and Doritos you get during the next commercial.

• The USS Constitution was mentioned on an episode of Star Trek, I think it got the shit blown out of it, as did all the other starships that weren't the Enterprise.

• In the same way that Congress is the opposite of progress, Constitution is the opposite of Prostitution!

• The word also contains the word TIT! (snicker)

See also

• The Constitution of the United States
• The Bible
• Bill of Rights
• Bill of Wrongs
• Constitution (Games)
• Constitutional Convention

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