User:Shabidoo/happymonkeycompetition/2012/Zombiebaron

Happy Monkey Competition 2012

Pee reviews for: Zombiebaron

Article: Pigeon Rats

Pee Review from Shabidoo

Creativity:	9/10	Creativity abound in this article. You write with one creativity after another with a flow that seems totally natural, as though that new and innovative idea is exactly what should follow the last new and innovative idea. I didn't expect an article about sewing the two animals together, nice! In particular I was impressed by how you took the idea of the toy being dangerous and extended it into an entire section. I couldn't tell if you took an old image you made (the boys jumping off the bridge) or came up with it during the competition, but I found it brilliant and very funny. The first image was great, not only is it a great image to place at the top of the page, but it was well chopped, it looks convincing (though it would benifit from giving a wood-like-grainy effect in the picture of the bird on the box). ideas that kind of fell flat to me or where the creative flow seemed to lapse a bit: comparing the product to pet rocks and plants, jackie chan films, powerful general anesthetic (there could probably be a more creative and humorous way to write that), no examples of chan's stealth, techniques. In the last section "dangerous toy" could probably also be replaced with a synonym or other way to write it. Perhaps: "that this toy could possibly be harmful if not used properly" or "that the wreckless use of this toy could result in unforseen consequences", though such a line might not fit in with the over all style and flow of the article. I particularly liked your use of links in the article, especially the one of "relatively". Simple but funny. Get some sick is also funny. I found the caption on the third image a little strange, "natural habitat" doesn't really work as the animal is not natural at all but a human creation, and its not in someones home but out in the wilderness. It might work better if its sitting on a table with children looking at it, or poking it with a stick and then labeling it "in its natural habitat", or finding another caption that fits in with it standing on a rock. The caption on the second photo might use some rethinking. Im not sure a photo can be grizzly. The situation is grizzly for sure. "A photo of several boys competing to catch a lone pidgeon and the grizzly and unforseen consequences of them falling to their deaths" or something like that.
Originality:	9/10	Chopping those three images made me smile. I was expecting some good images from you and you didn't dissapoint. Other original ideas of your are touched on in the previous and folling section. This article probably needs a couple more sections. I hope you create them in the same spirit as the last section of your article, that is, taking one idea and extending it throughout a paragraph. Some possibilities: Marketing of the toy Its use in popular culture Urban legends about the toy Names in other cultures The son (now growing up) being quite critical of the toy and his fathers attempt to silent him etc.
Cleverness:	9/10	As you sporked the idea from the simpsons, I liked how you quoted the fact so indirectly. It took me a moment to catch on. A very nice way of reinventing something thats already been done. Ideas that seemed more than a little clever: The box coming with assorted bait, educational innovation, surgical equipment lying around the house, neither run away nor fly away, transition from sons experiment to fathers mass production,
Content and Images:	6/10	I have to give you a lower score here as the article doesn't feel finished. That being said, except for the captions of the images and a couple sentences (dangerous toy, general anesthetic, an example of Jackie Chans stealth) the concept is well conceived, the narrative is well written and the images are chopped fabulously. High five Zombiebaron!
Points for whatever reason:	10/10	Im giving you a 10 for this section, as I think you really put a lot of effort into every aspect of the article and that you took the spirit of the topic seriously (creativity, originality and cleverness) and adresses the topic well. It's difficult to write much more as the article isn't finished and you've done a pretty good job on every aspect of producing this article. I wish you would write more articles.
Final Score:	43/50	In any case, its obvious I really like this article and I can't wait to see the other sections and perhaps different captions for the images and the rewriting of a couple sentences. Thanks a lot for putting real effort into the article. This will no doubt be featured soon.
Comments:

Score and Comments from Wilytank

7/10

First of all, frat boys jumping off bridge = epic win.

Quite an oddball topic, but seems to have been handled very well. I usually don't think made up histories for things that don't actually exist are very funny, and thus I was kinda put off by the history part. --Wilytank can be a pain in the ass. 13:38, February 14, 2012 (UTC)

Score and Comments from PopGoesTheWeasel

7.5/10

Score and Comments from Mattsnow

6.5/10

Some great jokes in there, but it seems a bit unfinished. I got to admit that the topic was not easy lol Mattsnow 18:18, February 13, 2012 (UTC)

Score and Comments from Joe9320

6.5/10

Score and Comments from Chief

6/10

I suspect my lack of familiarity with the topic upon which this is based hurts my judgement somewhat; I only know of its provenance because you went and told me on IRC. The article is generally solid but some of the humour is just a bit too daft for the tone you appear to be trying for. There are some amusing moments but I can't seem to square this with the tone and general style which, to me, just don't seem right.

Final Score

76.5/100