Pee reviews for: ICameHereInACloche
Pee Review from Shabidoo
Creativity overload. Really well done on that front. I am really amazed and impressed with just how many ideas and concepts and lines and jokes and off the wall stuff you've packed into one article in only 36 hours. Again, well done and FULL marks for creativity. Not only is the article creative, but over all very funny, filled with funny one liners and also some funny ideas that are developed beyond just one sentence.
I like the way the sections are introduced by questions, especially the section "please tell us..."
I like your slowly revealed narrative, how you take time to explain your basic idea (about indians) and repeat that there is a problem several times until you finaly get onto it. Its not easy to write like that...well done!
I like that this article isn't some sort of expected article about how indians make good football players or bad football players but the idea that they are destroying an American institution. At the same time, I think you need to spend more time in conceptualising the article a little more. Why is this guy ranting so much about Indians in foot ball, can you relate it to a specific psychological problem this guy has (or his he just a sterotypical racist redkneck?).
So much in the article is very original and clever, though at times there are some cliché lines that have been used a lot. If you plan on finishing the article (which you should) I highly recommend that you find a way to rewrite some of the "memes" (ideas or jokes that have already been done a lot, both on the internet and here on uncyclopedia) with a fresh new way that fits your style of writing. In the next section I go into that more.
You are clearly a very clever guy and you've managed to translate that cleverness into a good article on a difficult topic. Some moments are great, other moments are good in principle but in my opinion need a little more work.
Ideas for improvement:
(while that is nothing special, I've tried to fuse the use of evocative writing with at least a little humour and/or irony)
(again, this is just an example, but I'm trying to cover an idea that has been written and parodied a lot in a new and fresh way, or atleast using adjectives and words that have probably never been used this way before).
the bold sentence at the end of the "please tell us why" section, is, at least in my opinion really harsh and angry. I'm certain you can find a way to express the narrators disgust without typing a long string of insults. Your incredible imagination and creativity is very capable of doing so, Im sure.
|Content and Images:||5/10||
The narrative is outstanding, the images on the otherhand are okay, but Im sure with some time, and some good searching on images.google or even better creating or modifying your own images, youll be able to add images that one wouldn't expect and find a clever way to fit them into the article. Images are such an important part of an article.
|Points for whatever reason:||10/10||
Full marks. You put TONS of work and sweat and work and sweat and work and sweat into this, clearly and fully writing to the tune of what this competition is about, and on such a difficult topic and one of your first full length articles. Well done. Sorry for the very long and indepth analysis, its not always fun having things critiqued, though I wouldn't have dedicated so much time to your article here if I didn't think you couldn't be a great uncyclopedia writer (as Chief justice suggests below). The ideas for improvement are just my point of view and everything can be improved upon when you have time to reflect on things and inject a strong and more original concept into the article.
Come to my talk page if you have any questions or want more clarification or ideas, or if you feel like vandalizing my talk page or finding a humerous way to insult me. Im always there in spirit and will answer you as fast as is godly possible. Thanks again for participating and making me laugh my dear nOOb.
Racism! Racism? Racism!
Pretty well crafted Racism!
Also: "INDIA! I LOVE INDIA! OUR FOOTBALL TEAM SUCKS! BUT OUR CRICKET TEAM IS REAL AMAZING!"
Score and Comments from PopGoesTheWeasel
Oh man, did that crack me up! The level of irony, insanity and good prose here is everything I like in an article. Awesome, I had a blast! Mattsnow 23:14, February 14, 2012 (UTC)
I've not read anything of yours to my knowledge, but having read this I am hugely impressed. It has a fantastic balance of humour and an impressive way of actually addressing the topic given. I laughed several times and thoroughly enjoyed the read. Excellent work, probably my favourite article of the competition so far. --16:02, February 17, 2012 (UTC)