User:RudolfRadna/NRVRescue

At the recommendation of someone from Forum:Open invitation to join group for the purpose of working together on improving articles with promise that have been tagged 'NRV' I've set this page up for the purpose of developing NRV'd articles into usable material.

Anyone who wants to is free to edit here, or to place NRV'd articles they want to try to save here. Just cut and paste the article's code into this page (with some appropriate organization so I can tell where one article stops and another one begins).

I had a bunch of stuff on my user page that was sort of for this purpose, a lot of it was stupid stubs I made when I was even more of a n00b. I'll stick that stuff here just for housekeeping. I'm pretty much focusing on the skeletor page at the moment, and I'm not even sure I'll be able to get that into a shape that everyone likes. I know that the standard for quality has to be really high to keep the site from turning into a giant cesspool of crap, but damn, it's hard out here for a n00b . . .

--RudolfRadna 12:25, 11 April 2006 (UTC)

Archive

Stuff saved from the forest fire:

Strawberry Shortcake

Strawberry Shortcake is the high priestess of Cuthulu, a multitentacled being that slumbers in an inaccessible chamber far below the surface of the earth. Cuthulu is said to be waiting to awaken to end the reign of mankind on earth, by devouring all humans, who were neither the first masters of the earth, nor will they be the last.

As a high priestess of the Cuthulu cult, Strawberry Shortcake took on the name of a food, since this symbolizes that all humans are only food for Cuthulu to feast on. Her original name is unknown. Details on the rites of the cult are spare, but according to what information there is, they involve doing unspeakable things using only an egg beater and a never-huffed kitten.

Acquaintance with Huckleberry Pie

Huckleberry Pie, another cuthulu follower, recently caused significant controversy when he attempted to help the slave Jim obtain his freedom from Miss Watson, but failed when they ran out of the jelly babies they had been given by Dr. Who. They were then sued by Lawyer Who and killed by Murderer Who. Cindy Lou Who had no comment.

Through all, Cuthulu remains, waiting.

{{NRV|07:33, 15 March 2006 (UTC)}} {{SRV|Wtf is a samoflange?}}

Bartleby the Scrivener

Bartleby the Scrivener (first name, Chippy) became famous when, in 1853, he became the first person in history to discover that work sucks.

His wacky adventures are recounted by Herman Munster, the author of Moby's Dick, in an upbeat short story called How to Fill Up Forty Empty Pieces of Paper.

Chippy Bartleby unfortunately had his life cut short in a rare example of overdosing on Kitten Huffing after a particularly long day doing nothing at work. Every year his slacker followers do abosolutely nothing on the anniversary of his pointless death to dishonor his memory.

Anthropologists studying the man, and the story based upon his life, still have not managed to unravel the mystery of exactly what a 'Ginger Nut' is.

{{NRV|00:19, 31 March 2006 (UTC)}} {{SRV|You got peanutbutter in my chocolate!!!}}

Lee Harvey Oswald The Octopus

Lee Harvey Oswald the Octopus is a fun loving octopus that took a turn for the worse when he assassinated John F. Kennedy by making him watch his Nickelodeon show while on super acid, which is just like normal acid, except that it comes on blotting paper with a picture of Mickey Mouse saying "Hi kids, I pooped in your cornflakes" on it.

There is wide controversy whether a cute octopus from a kids show and his dog with a stupid name that makes people think of their penises could have done such a heinous act. The answer is, 42.

FCUK

FCUK is a ridiculous store that thinks that it can fool all of us into not realizing that a store named "french connection uk" isn't just using the f-word to sell stuff. Why not just change the name of the stupid store to "French Connection UK Yellow Uruguay Orange"? I mean, come on.

This is what it really says!!!. Fight the power!!! SOYLENT GREEN IS MADE OF PEOPLE!!!!! AAAAAAAA!!!!

If I wanted to sell some god damn donuts and called them FUCK YOU donuts I would probably be arrested or something but these ahsoels can get away with it because they're, like, french or something, I don't know. Maybe they just don't know how to spell!!!

History of FCUK

FCUK was started as an evil project by SMERSH to find a way to put the F-word everywhere. It was discovered this could be done if the letters were mixed up to confuse stupid people, namely, everyone who would be in a position to stop people with money from putting the F-word on everything. There are now a lot of FCUKing stores with this word on it all over and I think that the stores are FCUKing each other so there are more and more of them every day.

Working for FCUK

FCUK kidnaps all their employees from disneyland and makes them go through a sixteen year traning program that involves:

• wearing hot pants at least 17 hours a week at a bar frequented by tourists who are unappreciated by their wives
• watching oxygen and being forced to try each of the horrible substance and behavior addictions exhibited by the people on the talk shows contained therein
• collecting stool samples in every color of the siht-bow
• obviously, being fCUked (it isn't illegel because we spell it worng)

FCUK pays its employees in spankings. This is why their employees always starve to death and they need to go to disneyland and kidnap more.

Cross-promotion with McDonald's

In exchange for not kidnapping employees from McDonald's, FCUK and McDonalds have made a deal and McDonalds will change its name to CmDnalon'd to make it harder for people to notice that THIS CLOTHING STORE IS NAMED AFTER THE GOD DAMN F WORD!!!!!! FCUK!!!!!!!

Skeletor

Skeletor, Master of Evil about to pop the question to long time Girlfriend, Beastman.

Skeletor (Aka Skelly E. Torsmith)

Skeletor graduated from The Hogwarts Academy of Magic with a major in "Evil cackling". He later took up residence on the Planet Eternia in a place called Snake Mountain. "It's not great, but it's rent controlled." Quoted the self proclaimed master of evil.

In the mid 80's, Skeletor became a prominent fashion designer for the planet, influencing almost everyone to wear two crossing straps, fuzzy woolen briefs and fuzzy boots to match. This was of course, not completely his idea, but was a collaboration with Beast Man (AKA Liz Taylor).

In the early 90's Skeletor decided his work on Eternia was done, so he changed his voice, his costume and his animation team and headed for outer space.

Orko, skeletor's little troll buddy. They love to smoke an "L" in the back of the benzy together!!!

WTF

People always want to know what happened to skeletor's face. What's up with that? What happened to your face? Oh, that is your face? Hahahhahaha . . . . sorry.

Anyway, everybody knows skulls=awesome, so there.

Relationship with Beast-Man

Much like Britney and Madonna, Skeletor and Beastman got a lot of attention when they released a controverisal rap single and video, where they appeared to be coming on to each other, but most commentators believe that this was merely a pathetic attempt to boost a flagging career. Indeed, Skeletor's record sales have simply not been what they used to be, and it is sort of sad to see a once mighty pillar of pop music reduced to asking his bassist to "open up his ass like a keg."

Skeletor's tired of putting up with all your whiny crap, bitch

Dislike of He-Man

Skeletor dislikes He-Man because He-Man always gets in Skeletor's way of getting the ultimate power that is in castle greyskull, which is believed to actaually be a Playstation Portable with a modchip that lets it play the alternative Teriyaki Yoko level in Um Jammer Lammy, which takes place in Hell. Skeletor resents that while punitive measures are leveled against his idiotic quest, such as He-Man, Ram-Man, many other people with the word 'Man' as part of their name, etc, nobody is attempting to address the root causes of his evil. Where is a blue brotha with no face supposed to find a job? K-Mart? I don't think so. Telemarketing? "hello this is skeletor and I'd like to know if you're interested in changing your long distance service" yeah right.

Without the skeletor system in place pretty boy He-Man would have no reason to exist anyway. He-Man therefore owes skeletor big time, so there.

Skeletor's best day ever

One day, Skeletor woke up with a big grin on his face . . . . wait, that's every day. Anyway, he said "Let's take a day off and go shopping at the mall" to all his minions. They said ok, except Evil-Lynn, because malls are against her religion, which is shoxianism.

So they all went to the mall until they realized they didn't have any money so they had to get jobs washing dishes. But it was still Skeletor's best day ever, because he didn't even get defeated by He-Man, and he made seven bucks.

Episodes

He-Man and the Party at Orko's

First episode. He-man meets Skeletor, and they both go to Orko's party. Once there, they enjoy themselves until He-Man accidently breaks a small vase. Skeletor swears revenge and so the saga begins.

Quotes:

HeMan:Skeletor, whear are you?

Skeletor:I'm right here, lols

HeMan:Oh fuxxor I broke this vase. Sorry Orko.

Orko:'sok dude.

Skeletor:Oh noes . . . . . . . . vasey . . . . . . . . . **sob** teh giant manat33

That time skeletor haxxored man at arms' home page

before

Hi, I'm Man at Arms, but my friends call me Duncan. Welcome to my web page! There's not much here yet, but check back soon for more info! You can e-mail me at man@arms.com

after

Look out for teh iguana mans I gots and am gonna send to gets you soon.

hahha I roxzorr.

Skeletor

Skeletor Finally Finds a Way to Beat He-Man

<Skeletor>uncyclopedia.co

<Skeletor>He-Man

<Sophia>we don't have an article by the name He-Man. Would you like to create one?

<Skeletor>Yes.

<Sophia>Ok.

<Skeletor>(editing)

LINK TO SOME RANDOM WEBCOMIC

(save)

(some time passes)

<Admin>What is this crap?

FFFFLLLUUUUSSSSHHH (sound of article being deleted)

(The next day:)

<Skeletor>uncyclopedia.co

<Skeletor>He-Man

<Sophia>we don't have an article by the name He-Man. Would you like to create one?

<Skeletor>Yes.

<Sophia>Ok.

<Skeletor>(editing)

LINK TO SOME RANDOM WEBCOMIC

(save)

(some time passes)

<Admin>Oh noes not again?

FFFFLLLUUUUSSSSHHH (sound of article being deleted)

(repeat 50 times)

<Admin>He-Man +CVP

<HeMan>Fuxxor.

<Skeletor>I am victorious!!!! TEH POEWR OF UNCYCLOPEDYA SHALL BE MINE!!!!@!

Unrelated stuff

Potatoes.

{{NRV|13:06, 22 March 2006 (UTC)}}

{{SRV}}

Threnody for the Victims of Treemonisha

This musical composition, written by Krzysztof Penderecki, was written, in the words of the composer, On the 12th of October, 1964, Penderecki wrote: "Let the Threnody express my firm belief that the sacrifice of having to sit through Treemonisha will never be forgotten and lost."

Treemonisha, the first rap opera in history, had been written earlier that year by Janis Joplin, and in addition to being 17 hours long and completely incomprehensible, featured several vignettes of a particularly difficult to sit through nature, including the scene where everyone seems to be running away from a giant marijuana leaf for some reason.

The Threnody consists of a fifteen minute unscripted description of the pain and mental anguish caused by Tremonisha by different people who experienced the work, accompanied by a sampling of soothing nature sounds chosen to aid in the healing process, such as ocean waves or bird songs.

The first performance of the Threnody was at Carnegie Hall in January 1965. Several audicence members burst into tears and were otherwise visably moved.

Reviews of the Threnody are mixed, but all agree that at only fifteen minutes in length, it is vastly superior and less oppressive to audiences than nearly all other major works of classical music, and ASCAP is presently being lobbied by congress to adopt a rule that no musical work can be longer than the Threnody, in order to further help music victims, particularly victims of the opera era, to heal and move forward with their lives.

Swiss Navy

Not surprisingly for an island nation, Switzerland has a long and proud maritime tradition.

Ships

• The S. S. Crouton, which patrols the Sea of fondue

Knife

The swiss navy knife is just a handle with no knives since switzerland is a landlocked country.'

Welcome! Sorry, but you're probably not as funny or as good a writer as you thought you were! But don't despair! Keep reading and find wisdom!

This is just a little bit of useful advice for n00bs. It's not a joke. However, it may still be funny anyway.

So you're on uncyclopedia for the first time. You have a great idea. Maybe it's about a joke you heard the other day. Maybe it's about your favorite tv star. Maybe it's even an 80s reference, or a gag about sentient sand particles. You get the idea.

Anyway, you take your great idea, and you type it in, and you can't think of anything else, so you click save and figure you did a great job, right?

Wrong.

Think of Uncyclopedia as a jungle. There's lots of animals, and they do lots of different things. A lot of them kill little articles like the three sentence jobbie about Fonzie getting pregnant you just uploaded.

But what can I do? I'm just a n00b!

Here's a few steps about how not to get summarily deleted, specifically for n00bs:

• If you have an idea, but don't have the time or the ideas to expand it into a full article, try adding it to an article that already exists instead of creating a new article. From my personal experience, it is a lot easier to add to a new article and have your changes survive on the site than it is to create a totally new article.

• If you're committed to creating a new article, do yourself a big favor, register and compose your article on your userpage. Think of uncyclopedia like a theatre (I know, first it was a jungle, now it's a theatre . . . just go with me on this for a second). When you go to the theatre, you want to see a completed play, right? Think if you sat down in your seats and wanted to watch a play, but instead of the play, the playwright comes out and says "Well, I want to do a lot of gags about Belgium really just being Backup France here, but I havn't written them yet . . . . maybe I'll think of something while we're waiting . . . . anyone in the audience have any ideas?" . . . . you get my point.

Writing on your user page is like writing at home. Writing on the uncyclopedia main space is performing live before a pretty vicious audience. Know the facts and make the right choice: do your compositional process on your user page, and once your (hopefully to someone other than you) brilliant, hilarious article is ready and fully expanded into an uncyclopedia article (see other pages on how to do this), then put it into the main space and see what people think of your writing. This will work a lot better than just laying down your idea and watching it die in the jungle theatre that we have wrought here . . . .

Lots of luck, and remember, backup what you do on your userpage or elsewhere so if you get deleted, you don't lose it.

UnNews:5 lawmakers arrested for drawing attention to humiliating human rights disaster

news|1 May 2006 date|1 May 2006

WASHINGTON — Five congress members were arrested Friday after protesting outside the Sudanese Embassy concerning the extremely embarassing ongoing carnage in the Darfur region. United States thought police conevened quickly to stop the humiliating and treasonous display of the nation’s government’s amorality as quickly as possible.

“Look,” said an unnamed administration source, “these Darfur people are poor Africans, with no oil, who are probably going to die of malaria or aids or some other shit disease that everyone in fucking Africa has or is going to get anyway. Who gives a flying fuck if they get slaughtered by Arab militias? Better to let them do the work for us and then we can sweep in after the fact and take over. Didn’t you see Dr. No? Remember the part about the smart fish, that waits for the other two fish to kill each other? That’s how we roll, nigga.”

The five members of congress will be tried for thought crimes and treason at a public hearing in front of the U.S. Supreme Court building, following which they will be summarily executed by firing squad.

"We must hold our politicians, most of all our citizens, accountable for not making the United States look bad.” the unnamed source said. “While we have freedom of speech in this country, there are reasonable limits to our speech rights, for example, in this case, protesting a ongoing, preventable human rights disaster that exposes the inherent evil of the United States’ government is not protected speech.”

At the White House, President Bush thanked the Washington D.C. thought police force for their quick action.

"I just got up, and the first thing I hear about is this Darfur bullshit. That’s old news.” Bush said. “I don’t give a shit about people in fucking New Orleans, what makes anyone think that I should give a shit about people in God Damn Mother Fucking Africa? Jesus Fucking Christ riding a Fucking A-Bomb, I don’t give a fuck, and the rest of the country doesn’t give a fuck either.”

Bush went on to say that if the protestors were “real americans” they’d protest against something that mattered, like that “Hugo Chavez bitch who’s been riding my ass lately. Motherfucker. Better keep that oil coming, Hugo. You know what I’m talking about”

Calls for comment from the congress members were not returned, as in advance of their trial, their tongues had been surgically removed and cermonially nailed to the “Resolute Desk” in the oval office.