User:Roger The Bum/poetry
“In Soviet Russia, poem writes YOU!”
“Fuck Poetry”
Poetry is the art of creative writing using, among other tools, diction, ceasura, figurative language, and large amounts of illegal drugs (i.e. marijuana and opium). Writing poetry usually does not include forethought and revision like writing prose; a poem is often a written burst of emotion or thoughts created to evoke feelings of mystery, confusion, and/or rage in the reader. Poetry is often written with the intention of attracting girls. But this does not always work, as was the case with William Butler Yeats.
Some poets dislike bothering with what readers enjoy. These poets tend to show people their work then say things like, "I just write for myself," after hearing the reader's negative reaction to their poetry. If a reader does not understand a poem, it is the reader's fault; poets are deep and intelligent, no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT!!
Some notable poets are William Shakespeare (recently confirmed to have truly been a woman), Robert Frost, Homer, Oscar Wilde, John Milton, Lord Byron, Pam Ayres and John Keats. Livejournals have become the mecca for contemporary poetry.
Some examples[edit | edit source]
Example of excellent poetry:
Roses are red violets are blue all of my base are belong to you
Example of decent poetry:
Lament of the Baby Bird by Ray Miller Mommy gave me one last worm, And pushed me from the nest. I flapped me widdle wings As hard as I could, And fell down on me chest. I see the kitty coming now, He's ready to digest. So I'll see you in heaven, mommy, I know you did your best.
Ode to An Expiring Frog, by Charles Dickens (from "The Pickwick Papers"): Can I view thee panting, lying On thy stomach, without sighing; Can I unmoved see they dying On a log, Expiring frog? Say, have fiends in shape of boys, With wild hallo, and brutal noise, Hunted thee from marshy joys, With a dog, Expiring frog?
The True Meaning of Poetry[edit | edit source]
Understanding a poem can be difficult, and this problem may cause people to dislike the art of poetry. This problem is not the reader's fault--it's the poet's. You see, poets are depressed loners who feel smarter than everyone else, so writing poetry is the only way they can make themselves feel superior to the average person. All female poets have been scientifically proven to be angry lesbian feminists; most of them start out heterosexual, but because they cannot find/keep a man, they resort to complaining in the form of poetry. (i.e., Emily Dickinson, Sylvia Plath). All male poets were jilted by their first love and waste the rest of their lives trying to impress a woman who will never love them or read their poetry (i.e., Dante Alighieri, John Donne). If a poet is not good enough to write a great poem, he or she will write something so obscure in meaning that ignoramuses may laud it as one of the greatest poems ever written (i.e., "The Wasteland" by T.S. Eliot). T.S. Eliot was even awarded the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1948 "for his outstanding, pioneer contribution to present-day poetry," but no one really cares (except T.S. Eliot). The truth is, all poets secretly want to be musicians, but they either can't sing or can't play an instrument (usually both).
NEVER listen to a poet discuss the meaning of their poem and/or never listen to a poet reading a poem that he or she has written--you wouldn't put your ear to a bull's anus would you? The meaning of any poem can usually be summed up in one sentence, and the following is a list of commonly used topics in poetry:
- 1) Because I've failed in life, I'm going to complain by making words rhyme.
- 2) I don't understand the meaning of life, but I'll act like I do and I feel like wasting some paper and ink while I'm at it.
- 3) Woah! That girl is fine! (One of the most common topics in the history of poetry)
- 4) Does God exist? If so, He's a butthole.
- 5) I went to Harvard, so you better listen up fool! I'm telling you exactly what's wrong with this world and what you people need to do to change it, you bunch of punks. If you don't understand my poem, you're a dirty ingrate and you are most definately beneath me. (This topic is mostly commonly used by T.S. Eliot)
There is also an extensive list of synonyms of/or related to poetry (here is a sample of the most common):
- 1) Boring
- 2) Stupid
- 3) A Waste of Time
- 4) and...Something to Write Down While You Wait to Die
Anyone interested in writing poetry should realize that only one of your poems needs to be recognized as of "literary merit" for you to begin writing whatever the heck you want for the rest of your life. No one will say crap to you because you had that one sweet poem way back when...
One should note Poetry is also a type of beer brewed in the Swiss Alps by descendants of Oscar Wilde made with the finest body parts of Edgar Allen "The Sex Machine" Poe, a prostitute frequented by JFK before he met Marilyn Monroe
Types of poetry[edit | edit source]
Sonnets[edit | edit source]
A sonnet is a verse that is quite fine
Ten syllables each line, but wait, there's more
Five iambs (weak then strong) make up each line
And rhyme divides the lines in groups of four
The sonnet, when complete, fourteen lines long
With three such groups and then a couplet, too
And if you ever get this structure wrong
Your English teacher goes berserk on you
The sonnet comes from Italy; today
The English is the version that we use
Although to a historian, this may
Be something that does nothing but confuse.
And so, as you write tanka and haiku
Remember sonnets, and please write those too.