User:Orion Blastar/Welcome Barbarian
Welcome Barbarian to the Civilized Nation of Uncyclopedia. You have been noticed due to your rants, and/or blankings, and/or vandalizations, and/or vanity pages or some other such nonsense that is against our rules and code of conduct here. It should be known, that other Barbarians have tried this with unsuccessful and bad results. Let us offer you some advice, so you don't end up with your head on a pike like the other Barbarians did.
Editing and Locked Pages[edit | edit source]
If you happen to find an article here unfunny, we have a policy of fixing it yourself. Chances are the page may be protected from anonymous IP or members editing it, due to past blanking and vandalizations. In that case you can always create a new article with a different name, somewhere else in the Wiki or your User Page namespace and then post a forum topic about the article and show the new article as how you would like to change the article that is locked. Making threats to administrators and members here to unlock the page will result in your account getting blocked or banned. Threats never work here and will only lead to more bad things for yourself like all of the others.
This is not Wikipedia[edit | edit source]
Please do not take anything written here seriously, this is Uncyclopedia which means it is not an encyclopedia. We should not have our articles taken seriously and not used as a reference for anything other than humor. A lot of our jokes have been stolen by others without giving our writers proper credit. If you cannot take a joke, then maybe this is not the right Wiki for you. Just search Google for another wiki that will do what you want it to do. Seriously we have more things to do than argue with someone that takes our articles seriously, because we are a humor Wiki and we don't mean anyone to take anything we write seriously. You can laugh if you find something funny, if not you can write about it on the talk page as to why you don't find it funny. If something is really serious, you can use our forum to bring it to the attention of the admins and members here, but don't waste our time asking to unlock pages, complaining that an article or articles offend(s) you, or saying you'll issue some form of threat, or that our administrators are part of some conspiracy, or some other such nonsense. Seek professional help instead if that is your plan. The only conspiracy here is the conspiracy to be funny. We do not intend on offending anyone, we only intend to be funny. Humor is not racist and not bigoted and none of the humor here is targeted at any single person or group. The humor here is to be enjoyed. If you don't like the humor, nobody is forcing you to read it. Please go somewhere else, and let the rest of us enjoy the humor, without you trying to censor the humor or remove it.
You cannot hide from us[edit | edit source]
Using open proxies, tor servers, socks servers, and library systems to get around our blockings and bans will not get you anywhere. Many have tried, and they have all been blocked and banned. Our admins can notice your actions quick and stop you. You will be mocked and made fun of and become part of a new article. So it is better if you agree to work with the rules and guidelines here and maybe become a member a register an account, than try your luck with proxy servers. We have made examples out of the rulebreakers so please don't even try it or we'll make an example out of you as well. No matter what your ISP tells you, just using this Wiki site means you agree to our terms of service and are liable for the damage and misuse of this Wiki. If it really bothers you that much that you have to use proxies to keep coming back here, use common sense and go away and go someplace else because it means nobody cares about you here. If you keep using proxy servers, tor servers, socks servers, and library systems to keep coming back here and cause trouble, you are breaking the law and have done "unauthorized use of computer resources" which is enforceable in most modern nations as part of "hacking" or "cyber crime" or "harassment" laws. no one really cares about the laws though. Well if you dont care about laws then your pretty f**** on that.
Quit being a Critic and Start Writing Articles[edit | edit source]
Maybe you found that an article is not funny or that an UnNews story was not funny. Instead of criticizing the author or authors why don't you start writing your own? "If you have to ask why it isn't funny then it properly isn't worth it" is a lame arse troll and a logical fallacy. Either edit the article or Unnews story so they are funnier, or start writing your own so we can see how much funnier you are. We ask for creative criticism, not negative criticism and trolling. We have a policy against trolls here at Uncyclopedia. If you don't have anything creative to contribute maybe you should Google for "Hateful idiots" to find a new place to hang out. In order words fix it yourself, ask for help, or STFU. You really don't understand how a Wiki works do you? No single person writes the jokes here, we as a community write the jokes. If someone can make it funnier all they have to do is click the edit button or post what to do on a talk page. We ask how to make it funnier to get suggestions from the community. If you don't want to be a part of the community and help out on the articles and UnNews stories, then why are you here? Obviously you are a troll with no redeeming value to our community. If you keep it up you will be Banned. Do you want to flush that toilet of a mind of yours and come up with something useful for the community, or keep coming up with turds that need flushing?
This is not a Social Networking Site to show off your vanity[edit | edit source]
UN:CM should explain it to you better. We don't care about articles about you, or your friends, or your friends that you claim are gay even if they are or are not gay, etc. Most likely some admin deleted your article and if you are locked out of your user account with an IP address you got banned for it. If you keep it up your IP address will be banned as well. We get a lot of grade school, high school, and 20somethings cyberbullying each other via vanity articles. Nope we don't want that here at Uncyclopedia. Go be annoying somewhere else like Myspace, Facebook, Twitter or whatever the place is that tolerates that nonsense. It isn't funny, it isn't smart, and it isn't allowed here. So please do not do it, don't write a forum article about it, or whine and moan why the article was deleted and/or you got banned for it. Just be funny without using vanity or go away.
Please Read[edit | edit source]
These articles are for you to read and they are not supposed to be funny:
The "ignorable policy" is the only joke in these articles, they are not really supposed to be ignored.