User:Nikau/Opera
Refinement.
Class.
Culture.
These are but a few God given virtues besmirched by the godless emotions, hateful love and gratuitously pointy helmets of Opera.
Like all vulgar trends, Opera hath descended from the harsh, godless lands of the Mediterranean to force itself upon our youthful and impressionable lads and lasses. No longer are our progeny content to dream about mindless toil and the destruction of Frenchmen. Nay, only prematurely grey hair and corsets numbering greater than seven will suffice.
As sure as this Earth is flat, Lucifer is leading our babes astray with his temptations in the form of repetitive libretto and morbid obesity. He will not cease until the fat lady singeth. Or Act III.
A Warning
On Opera and associated Sins[edit | edit source]
It was the Greek who did first soweth the foul seeds of Opera with the Tragedy; call’d so as the Lord our Shepherd had not granted Man the blunderbuss to be prim’d, wadded, generally treated better than a Woman and then Fired across the brow of the Grecian to enfrighten them into a life of tour-guidery. The common-man does not have to look hard to see the Greek has been accurs’d with the horrible cost of that opening-opening night Opera ticket and will paye off the debt in austerity and baked bean for generations forth.
Repeated attendance of those most d’sturbingly Italian of Opera hath driv’n a few Boys to Self-harm as they Re-move those most scrotumus of Our Lord’s gifts (ed. the very testicle-BALL-nut-sack-BAG!) to Show how Mis-understood they and their vo-cal range are.
The Boy doth tea-bag his Own family (ed. metaphorically of-course) stating that Only Vivaldi knoweth of the Paine he doth suffer posing for Oil’d paintings as a Noble-man’s second borne; He mayest plead for the florins to pur-chase a mandolin to Perform slightly mis-tuned Aria in the town square and distract those in search of small Creatures to jest at (ed. and salt).
Neigh we must also laye blame at the Germanics, who do construct so efficiently the turbo-charg’d galleon for the Man vexed with small copulating organs (ed. Earl Clarckson peace be upon him), for lead-ing astray the child from the torturing of beasts, beating of wife and smoking of pipe, as is the Christian duty of a noble child nigh on a dozen cubits old.
The snake Mozart doth attract the Youth with those most two-faced of Daemonic instruments in the case of The Marriage of Figaro - the sequel - only for the vexed composer to concern their minds with the zany-ness of mistaken identity and the playing of lute no Childe should ever be expos’d to.
Indeed, with the Whole-some portrayal of unsolicited murder and the spontaneous conflagration of Don Giovanni for not conforming to an arbitrary moral standard Mozart doth tempt the soul. Howev’r these Great ackts are not follow’d by the Necessary praise thrice-over for the Lord our Shepherd and some forme of self-flagellation with a spleen, but are buri-ed by non-sensical talk of masked party-ing comparable to a Kesha hymn. Those matters of Romanticks and Ball-rooms are only for Highborn gentleman to approach wit’ tightly buckled wig, musket and sturdy net, as if they were trapping boar of marriageable age or rabid Women; not for Our boys who Should know only the juvenile mirth of be-ing a slightly shorter, less syphilitic copye of Your own Self.
Wagner doth join Mozart to Pray upon the feeble minds of Womenfolk with epic series of Opera featuring complex charact’r interaction that would thrust off the attention of any reason-able Man (who would have taken leave to duel the Man closest to his person for no reason). When the Woman doth see this mix-ing of all dramatick and visual artes Her mind becomes troubled that She maye never be love’d if She does not have the Figure of Wagner’s Sieglinde, as if the Man cannot look past these out-ward ideals to her attributes more sim’lar to a fine mule; of churning and muck-bucket carrying.
For a Father to see his firstborn-daughter so concern’d with the lack of Growth in her girth, d’spite his persistence in telling the Girl she looks like the great whale that do fill our seas in plague proportions, must Paine his Heart and/or similar organs we have yet to dis-cover. Soon he maye view the Girl applying horn’d helmet upon head, and Ask why She could not have been like his other property; the wardrobe hath never warn a breastplate and the table has only been lashed twice for harlotry.
The Man must intervene with a Gentle hand lest the Girl dis-regard the Lawe and be found in possession of a hat with fewer than three points and henceforth committ’d to the Colonies. Tar and feathers should be enstocked the moment a Playbill or sim’lar Opera paraphernalia is found on Her being, else the Fruit of your own swollen loins betray your hand by forming a Free-will and making deprture with a dark Nordic demi-god to an Alpine pass. If said Bill is from any of the four Ring of the Nibelung she may already be rendered worth less than one quarter of a stout goose prone to honking in Soprano and roll-ing its Eyes behind very back of Your peers.
It is simple fact that Opera performers do Not assimilate with the Honest man; we hath been reliably inform’d that Not once has the Lord’s past-time of taking upon ale and witnessing painted carts revolve around a dirten track all afternoon been portray’d in an Opera, nor the bullwhipping of slave, chewing of t’bacco or suffering of Piles as are the Patriotic acktivities that did build this nation State (ed. And salting. Much salting.)
Already in Florence They hath instituted their own Godless “Aria Law” whereby Womanfolk mayest not take leave of the House unless accompanied by a baritone and no wedding may go a-head without at least some form of unforseen love blossoming despite adversity, lest you wish to be brought b'fore a chorus of political correctness. If you look to those Heathens of the Savoy, Gilbert and Sullivan, the Woman will soon have to be fill’d to the brim with girlish glee every-where she doth walk (ed. Otherwise known as the kitchen), lest she be punished with duets cast from the Hand of Satan.
This is God's truth as where-ever there has been built an Opera House, the gentleman Cannot ride into Town with-out being avenged by a young tenor possess’d by Passion.
Allowing but One house of Opera to be erected is a Standing ovation for the Operaists as they spit into the Face of Our Lord’s very Face’s face.
While it is of much Mirth to see Ethnics beat each other to a Bloody pulp, are we not Corrupting the Child’s nubile thoughts with notions that Inferior men are capable of Logic and concealing their identity, rath’r than evacuating their bowels and wallow-ing in their own ability to not dance like an idiot in a club, as we Know all non Judeo-Christian cultures do. Look to Bizet’s Carmen of a gypsy in Moorish lands; in this time where the Moor does enter a cart wit’ concealed cannonball and stricke-down both man and pantaloon, is it Right to perform such a display a mere sail from where our brave King Richard did departeth to slay the Infidel?
Though Crime-dramas are that much hard-er to Finish with no Black man to blame it on.