User:Nacky/sandbox

The Lord of the Rings

I'm only testing this here so as to not mess up the original. My HTML is novice level. Nacky (talk) 10:19, 30 November 2024 (UTC)

Hmm

If anyone can tell me more about the color chart as found here: https://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Zana_Dark/Color_Chart I'd like to know where an easier chart is, like with just the color numbers. The cell padding seems a bit off, but I could be super out of it, and is there a selection of fonts to be had? And I'm guessing I can add a fancier background to the body of contents. Nacky (talk) 10:23, 30 November 2024 (UTC)

I don't see anything wrong with it. But if you want custom colours, just google search "google colour picker", and google will give you a colour-selection tool similar to what you would see inside an art app, and give you the colour code (also known as a hex code). L10nM4st3r ^{ROAR at me!} / _{What my paws scratched} 09:34, 31 December 2024 (UTC)

Yeah I'm ready to give up trying to get this background pic inside the template because it really won't work in 2D. The stretching is off. And I've never really done much html or css outside of stuff like this and even this confuses me. I'm self-taught on coding and so that's why... Nacky (talk) 09:48, 31 December 2024 (UTC)

I'm also self-taught. I've definetly seen worse, and I probably wouldn't have been able to get as far as you have with this template. Not where my skills lie.. L10nM4st3r ^{ROAR at me!} / _{What my paws scratched} 10:42, 31 December 2024 (UTC)

Look at that. It's a nice color. Nice pic. I wish it would go all the way to the right, but something's blocking it from doing that. So far I've uploaded 3 of these same files at different ratios, and still...there's something that we're all doing wrong. I don't suppose the original template author would happen to be around? But look at that - it just blends so well. It's really nice for the half of it that you can see. It's just that other half that's being a bitch! Nacky (talk) 11:08, 31 December 2024 (UTC)

Looks like you're also losing years of your lifespan over some silly wiki thing. Keep at it, when you finally succeed it will feel great. L10nM4st3r ^{ROAR at me!} / _{What my paws scratched} 13:54, 31 December 2024 (UTC)

THere's no way that pic is that big. Look at the original file. I tried to make it the size the actual perimeters are, but somewhere in the coding it is expanding it, as a whole, rather than from width and length. I watched some tutorials on yt but none of them really did anything because it's all in div. And it's not silly to me because it does look nicer with the pic. I have the ring-script pic on this page linked, that would serve as something with a better color bg. But I don't know how to get that to working. Nacky (talk) 19:54, 31 December 2024 (UTC)

Life is silly. Which means everything is silly. L10nM4st3r ^{ROAR at me!} / _{What my paws scratched} 21:44, 31 December 2024 (UTC)

We all have our roles to play. I've been collecting silly little lighters. But I want big lighters. The kind that almost handles like a flamethrower. Yes, I think that would be a super fun silly thing to have! :p Nacky (talk) 00:15, 1 January 2025 (UTC)

Looking over this HTML

https://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=Template:Time_travel&action=edit clearly there is a picture file in that, but the coding is way different than this one. Original bg platecolor: #DEF9D5 from the LOTR info.

Background Template

Frodo Baggins

Frodo was is a brave hobbit of the ages. He just had many issues, is all.

The famous Ring Bearer Frodo Baggins of the Shire, is a hobbit who saved Middle Earth. The heroic hobbit never set out to be a hero, or to save anything. But he was talked into it and having a good heart, he agreed with Gandalf's philosophy and being a wizard, Frodo couldn't bring himself to get into a battle of wits with someone much older and much more dramatic. The urgent warnings of doom, dark lords, and horrid creatures consuming all the pumpkin patches, cabbage and tomato gardens and strawberries and cream was enough to send Frodo into hysteria. So effective was Gandalf's eccentric performance that Frodo agreed to leave the Shire, embark on a quest to an Elf Lord's secret meeting and then opting to go all the way to Mordor without having a single clue as to where the hell it was. In a way, though, he did have some kind of last laugh. At the expense of high and mighty wizards, elf lords, and Boromir, he got a notion. After all his hardships of reaching a raging, active volcano just to throw the One Ring into a pool of simmering lava, and on an empty stomach and sleep deprived he decided to kick Sauron's ass and keep his fucking ring. But that was a foolish mistake on his part. His tour guide turned on him for the hundredth time and bit his finger off and kicked his own ass into the fiery liquid below with the damned ring. Naturally his sidekick and gardener Samwise, witnessed this event and that's when Frodo knew that, once again, Gandalf would be the one getting the last laugh. Typical.

Frodo Going Solo

At a very early age, Frodo's parents went on a boating trip, sans Frodo. After a couple of days, Frodo was getting bored of being Home Alone and went looking for them. Apparently they had drowned. It was a tragic twist of fate and even more so when the boat they'd rented was made of pipeweed stalks and glue. The whole thing would have been avoided had the couple not tried to smoke the craft. With nowhere to go, his uncle Bilbo Baggins took pity and adopted him. Frodo had come to live with Bilbo at Bag End after Bilbo had since traveled to The Lonely Mountain to steal a ring from a gnarly creature, steal an Arkenstone from underneath a dragon, steal something from the Woodland Elves, piss off Thorin Oakenshield, almost get everyone killed and come back with loads of treasure and a dark ring that would eventually draw his nephew into a world of unimaginable horrors. But Bilbo was a kind and generous hobbit after all. Frodo knew that his uncle was somewhat of a local legend, and his friend Gandalf was just as legendary. While they broke no local laws, they were known as thieves and disturbers of the peace. They were always suspected of arson if something burned down, and they always had a legion of fans and groupies that hung around, wanting an autograph. Many hobbits would give Bilbo manuscripts and contracts already signed, in case he needed any help in stealing anything from any golden hall or abandoned treasure trove out in the wilds of anywhere in Middle Earth. Frodo grew up being amused by all the stories Bilbo would tell him. He felt honored to be Bilbo's assistant and stage manager whenever Bilbo would tour with his band. They were far more popular as Bilbo & the 13 Dwarves than Snow White & the 7 Dwarves. Each band had hits and a sizable chart presence, but Bilbo's band had the best beats and atmospheric, epic recordings while the latter were mostly Disney type tracks about saying Hi and something about a Ho.

Frodo's Luck

It goes without saying that Frodo came into the world with a touch of rotten luck. Besides losing his parents, and being somewhat of a loner, he would come to inherit Bilbo's ring that would ultimately turn out to be a wildly evil creation, designed to suck the soul out of anyone possessing it and ghosting them in a way that caused aimless wandering in Middle Earth while all power flowed to the ring's creator in which he had plans to destroy the world regardless if anyone was a ghost or not. But Frodo was clueless about all of that, and his soul seemed to stay intact and even after Bilbo had skipped off into the woods on a long trek to Rivendell, he kept Bilbo's ring an extra 17 years without even so much as losing his appetite. But that could be due to the fact that Frodo didn't wear it around. He didn't have much use for it. He wasn't scared of some old hobbit broad, like his uncle was. The ring simply sat in some old trunk in an envelope under some old folded clothes and mothballs. But when Gandalf showed up after so long, he informed Frodo that his ring could be a very significant piece of history. Frodo thought about pawning it but was dismayed when Gandalf tossed it in the fireplace onto a roaring fire. Even when nothing happened to it, Frodo knew the pawn broker would correctly estimate that it was subjected to heat and therefore damaged.

Gandalf wanted to prove a point and he succeeded but then he realized he had more points to prove. Could he entrust a hobbit to be a brazen and brave slayer of the Dark Lord, Lord Sauron just like Bilbo turned out to be a great and gung-ho burglar who stole treasure from a dark dragon? Bilbo had Gandalf's respect as he not only stole from a giant lizard lowlife, but he stole all kinds of trinkets and shiny stuff along the way, like the dark lord's ring, for instance. The old wizard really felt that Frodo should take off and try his hand at impossible missions, since hobbits seemed to have been able to pull off some mighty fine heists and still refused to put on a protective pair of boots.

Frodo's Personal Journey That He Took Personally

When Frodo opted to take the journey that Gandalf had proposed, he wondered how trying to pawn the ring off on the wizard had failed. It shouldn't have. Frodo gave a great sale's pitch, yet it was not to be. As soon as he set out, and having his gardener Samwise join him on his trek, he began feeling the effects of the ring that had never bothered him before. He was getting irritated more often. He snapped a lot. He was in a really bad mood. And this was before they even left Hobbiton.

Frodo and Samwise met up with two more hobbits, one was their friend Merry and one was Frodo's cousin Pippin. They were headed to Bree due to Gandalf telling Frodo that he would be in Bree (aka Blee) where he would give even more advice of where to head off to next. Frodo knew there were places further out than Bree, but he wasn't too sure about going anywhere after Gandalf was a no-show and a man named Strider (aka Aragorn) offered to replace Gandalf for the time being. Strider knew what was up and he was helping Gandalf take the hobbits to Rivendell. Which was better than taking the hobbits to Isengard. But first they had to camp out on Weathertop (aka Weatherturd).

Breakfast, Strider, and the damned Ringwraiths

The ringwraiths acted retarded, of course.

The hobbits tried to inform their new, unelected travel guide of all the things he may have missed regarding hobbits and their culture. Second breakfast, singing about green dragons, strawberries and cream, running around barefoot, and being the world's best burglars and thieves. Of course, Strider was just trying to avoid wraiths and other horrid creatures that were obviously following them. Strider threw apples at the hobbits to shut them up. When they reached Weathertop, he had to go secure the area and gather wood but wraiths had slipped through Strider's laser security set up and as a result Frodo was attacked. He got sick and snapped at everyone but was especially hard on himself for putting on the ring and confronting the wraiths with a barrage of insults and kicking them in the shins. He called them Goofy looking gothic bed sheets and Dust rags that must have been cleaning the fire chutes in Hell. The wraiths were intent on killing Frodo so they stabbed him, but they were all lousy aims. Strider, at that point was doing everything he could to get everyone safely to Rivendell without encountering more waify oil-checking cloths. Frodo, understandably complained all the way. Take me to Rivendell, I've been stabbed!

On the way to Rivendell, the wraiths still hounded the hobbits and their bodyguard. Complaining about everything. The hobbits complained about the wraiths, and Frodo complained about the wraiths and hobbits complaining about everything and not shutting up. Some elf came along to help them get to Rivendell. The wraiths then started complaining to the elf about what the hobbits did to them. What Strider did to them. And about some damned ring that they were looking for. Frodo snapped and almost got down off the horse he was trying to get some sleep on, and kick them around again. He was pissed.

Elrond, Saruman, and the damned Balrog

The major overlord elf king Elrond had a perfect hideaway. When Frodo and the others got across the ford, having beaten up the wraiths that were still following them, Elrond helped them by drowning the foul ghosts into a flash flood that was manipulated to appear as watery horses, chariots, and a long line of Roman tyrants. Reaching Rivendell was easy enough once the fear of heights was conquered. Frodo was immediately given a room and a large bed. There he slept for a week. Elrond and his staff, other elves, not an actual stick of wood, tended to Frodo and stitched up his wounds. They removed a piece of the blade from the gash and naturally commented about the cheap ass shit made in China.

When Frodo was well enough to stay awake for a couple of hours, he was summoned to a council. There they would discuss the Ring. The discussion went off the rails and it was more of an argument. Frodo met some people there. He learned that Strider was really Aragorn. He immediately tried to give the Ring to him and the offer was quickly turned down. Elrond rolled his eyes and told Frodo that Gandalf and he were in agreement with the plan to send Frodo off into Mordor to get rid of the thing. The council all offered their help, but they insisted on keeping their distance while in Mordor, with Frodo having that Ring. And he couldn't stay in Rivendell. That place was like the Martha's Vineyard of Middle Earth. The hobbits weren't going to get to stay. They tried to stay. They argued that Bilbo was staying there, but the elves countered with the fact that Bilbo had a condition. He had a split personality. That it was a rare disease they referred to as gollum face. But it was also on account that Bilbo contributed to the elves and was needed. He wrote poems about other elves of olden days. He sang about elves and their beauty. He would entertain the elves with stories about elves who danced and sang songs, and they would play harps and other soft melodies that would peacefully wisp through the air. After being told of this, the hobbits immediately began packing and told everyone that they always wanted to see Mordor. They set out with other companions who were absolutely on board with heading out and seeing that infamous land, as well. We're all going to Mordor! Yay! They shouted as they bid everyone farewell.

Along the way the nine companions crossed breathtaking scenery, mountains, forests, and would have crossed seas had they headed West, but didn't as that would have been easier, and they were obsessed with their little quest. Bless their hearts. At a certain point Gandalf remembered that Saruman lived somewhere in the region they were traveling and told everyone to avoid his fortress of Isengard at all costs. Frodo suggested that Gandalf fight Saruman and put him in a choke hold and bang him up against an Ent's hard wood and make him chew on that for awhile. Gandalf explained to Frodo that the evil wizard kind of already did that to him, expect he was smashed up against a stockpile of Hobbit weed. This was too much for everyone. One, it explained why Gandalf took forever getting out of Isengard, unable to meet Frodo earlier in the journey. And two, the fact there was a stockpile of weed at Isengard and Saruman being outnumbered by them was a plan they were already plotting.

The group discussed how they could overthrow the tower of Isengard and came up with a fairly decent plan. It involved having to drag bystanders into the fray, and a couple of admins who at the time, were overseeing the construction of a moat. Aragorn approached the admins and asked them how to get into the tower, to which they informed him that the moat wasn't being built for the tower, it was just a moat out in the middle of nowhere for no reason. And that they knew what they were doing. Orcs came along and started a fight, and the fellowship whipped out swords, axes, bow and arrows, and the admins stood by with a hefty cartload of pineapples and told the orcs what they could do with them. Eventually the tower mission wasn't going to be easy so they followed Gandalf through Moria. Frodo was getting evil looks from Gandalf so he agreed with whatever the wizard said. There was a good enough reason to go that way. Saruman was a total dick and probably already smoked everything by the time they got in the area.

On entering Moria, Frodo was groped by a giant Squid-Predator-Piranha monster and the dark underground realm would have been a trek they would have never come out of alive had it not been for Gandalf clashing with a Balrog and saving all of their asses. Of course, the fiery beast went after everyone, but Frodo was quite sure that it was really after him and his ring. He was positive that it literally called out Frodooo, that ring is my precioussss but he would later say that it could have also been Gollum. He didn't know, it was so damned dark. After exiting Moria, everyone was in shock and Frodo was devastated; Take me to Lothlorien! A squishy fish beast groped me and a balrog looked at me!

Galadriel, Mirrors, and the damned Orcs

Getting into the Golden Woods of Lorien and further on into Lothlorien, the heartbeat of the mulching metropolis, proved to be a huge hassle. Once the elves spotted the group approaching their borders, they sprang into action and waited until the weary travelers got well within the first mile of their realm before jumping out at them screaming various Japanese-like sounds, grunts, and hi-keebas. Then they pointed arrows at them and demanded to know what the hell they wanted.

Gollum immediately sprung up and screeched for the Ring. That was immediately met with a quivering arrow that he'd managed to dodge, lodged in a tree trunk. Gollum attacked the elf who took a shot at him. Aragorn jumped into action and spin-kicked a few more elves and Legolas began shooting arrows all over the place while elves were scrambling to avoid being hit. Sam jumped up and used a bullhorn to instruct everyone to calm down. After some time, everyone came to their senses. Gollum groveled, Pippin began looking around for some decent food, and Frodo asked if he could just pass through the forest without being killed. Given that they had just lost Gandalf, they were still very upset. Gimli breathed loudly after catching his breath and the elves decided to blindfold everyone and muzzle Gimli if they wanted to proceed.

After some time, a few of the members of the fellowship took off their blindfolds and told the elves that the humidity was already bad enough, and they didn't know when they would get a chance to shampoo and condition their hair. Legolas sympathized with them. Gollum had since taken off his blindfold and used it as a fresh new loincloth. When the fellowship and the forest guardian elf brigade made it into Lothlorien they were greeted by the Lady Galadriel and her insignificant other, Lord Celebatus. Galadriel introduced herself and what's-his-name. The group introduced themselves, reluctantly including Gollum who was trying to blend in with a tree branch. He hung there for five minutes until Galadriel insisted that they take their backpack orc down and carry it with them.

That night when everyone was sleeping, Galadriel woke Frodo from his sleep and summoned him to a little clearing in the woods. The funhouse mirrors freaked him out but she had a birdbath version of yet another freaky mirror that would tell the future. But because it was flat water instead of the mirrors he'd walked past, it featured scenes from the past and some from the present. The elf lady poured some boiling water into the basin and Frodo saw himself as the same kinds of reflections he'd just seen in the funhouse mirrors. The shock had already worn off, and he got bored and started back to bed. He was asked to look into the mirror again. At this point he decided if he was going to get some sleep, he would give Galadriel the Ring. She reacted in an unusual way. Frodo knew he was tripping really bad. He was totally wasted from whatever was in the elf grub they served earlier. There was more to all of this, but Frodo wouldn't remember most of it. After a night's rest, afternoon nap, and a few gallons of coffee they were off again.

Galadriel gave the members of the fellowship a lot of parting gifts. To Frodo, she gave a couple of things that he kept to himself. To Sam she gave a clunky flashlight. To the other hobbits she gave them wool socks and decent boots, knowing they probably wouldn't wear them because hobbits have a tendency to be a bit spoiled and argumentative. To Boromir she gave her deepest condolences. He wondered what the hell that was supposed to mean, but eventually he'd find out. To Aragorn, she gave a detailed map of Hyrule. To Legolas, she gave advice. He was hoping for a sample of a hair care product. He glared at her until she gave him several samples from Sephora. To Gimli, she gave him a clump of her hair. And to Gollum she gave a pair of yoga pants. Which he rolled up and stuffed into his loincloth.

They traveled out of the wood realm and Frodo asked everyone if his eyes were still bloodshot from being hungover. Nobody noticed anything unusual. After a few days, he was starting to go through withdrawal symptoms. He needed to look into everyone's compact mirrors, if they had them, to make sure he hadn't been twisted and stretched into odd shapes. They camped out by the river that would take them east into Mordor. Frodo sought out Boromir and startled him. Oh please, can you just take this Ring for awhile? I'm tired of listening to its constant bitching and bullshit! But Boromir told him that he remembered he had to make a phone call and he ran off toward the dense forest and into a troupe of orcs. As he tried to run away, Frodo, thinking quickly shouted for them to follow Boromir because he had the Ring. When there were no signs of the orc horde, Frodo stole one of the boats, attempting to flee the scene. Sam, who was watching the river for any shipments of pipeweed, jumped in after Frodo and swam into the side of the boat and threatened to capsize it if he didn't take him with him to Mordor. Then Gollum jumped into the boat with an orc limb hanging from his mouth and told them both that only he knew the way into Mordor. Then he slapped both hobbits upside the head with the orc arm he had managed to rip off some orc in battle. Being orcs, however, they saw Gollum from the shore and went after him. Orcs were gaining on the boat as these were fast swimmers. While Frodo and Sam paddled their asses off, Gollum was beating orcs away with one of their arms. It was insult added to injury. But they made it across because by then, Gollum started biting orcs faces off, too.

Oh For Fucksakes!

Frodo had planned on just going to Mordor alone. He needed the rest and it was an exotic vacation spot he would have planned on visiting once he reached a certain age and like all 50 year old homebodies, would have eventually bought a camper or an RV to explore more of Middle Earth. But this trip was forced onto the poor hobbit and there he was, with his gardener and a wretched fish-breathed cave boy in tow. The Ring started to weigh heavy on his mind. It would send dark thoughts of doom and gloom. The dark menacing shadows all around didn't cheer anyone up. Except for Gollum. He was happy that his surroundings were now comfortable and to his liking. Dark like a cave, and like his old apartment in the Misty Mountains, filled with orcs and goblins and a constant reminder of his Precious in the form of a giant, far-off eye. And Frodo's face.

What was to happen next would be epic and yet, so absurd and ultimately fucked up. Gollum kept trying to get Frodo to go into a cave on the border leading into Mordor. Once Frodo entered the cave, Sam followed behind. Gollum stood far behind but yelled into the cave Here Shebee Shebee Shebee! and there came Shelob the Great Spider, the Arachnid Tarantula Terror named in various game strategy books on final bosses. Battle with this thing proved to be a hassle. Orcs clamored onto the scene after the spider stung Frodo in the ass. Then Sam overthrew the creature with an ass-stabbing from Sting, the musical sword that vibrated with a song about knowing every breath you take will be noted and duly processed. Gollum threw a fit. Orcs grabbed Frodo's limp body and carried him off to their penthouse dungeon set up. And Shelob, now wounded, scurried away across the land of Mordor and crawled up Sauron's tower and nestled right over the Eye of which Sauron surveyed the country. A giant spider's ass was now dripping its wounded ooze and hairy bulge onto the warmth of the heat provided by the Eye.

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