User:Fredd The Mahmauscher/UnScripts:The King

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Introduction

The King is a novel written in the 1897, by a famous Irish author who went by the pen name of Oscar Wilde. 20 years after his death, the novel was made into a highly successful play. The play was first performed at Ye Olde IRA Pub in Dublinshireham. An audience of more than 500 people from all over Britain attended the first performance. It was also performed in London for the Queen and the Lords. It is considered as one of the best works of literature of the nineteenth twentieth century.

The following performance was done in December 2024 at Codeine's Mum Theater.

Setting

Year 1098 AD, Ireland is ruled by the old king, Nyn þousand, the kingdom is peaceful and thriving. But things are about to change...

Characters

• King Nyn þousand The old King of Ireland. He has no sons. He promised his nephew Kojac that he'd make him his successor when he kills 100 vandals.
• Kojac The main character and the King's nephew. He successfully killed his 100th vandal the day before the play starts.
• Queen Luverly King Nyn's wife and Kojac's mother.
• Flying Canine (of Rome) King Nyn's evil brother. He is a sadist who enjoys exiling peasants.
• Famine Kojac's father, brother of Nyn and Flying Canine. Died long before the start of the play.
• Doctor Skulls The Court doctor, has split personality.
• King Søck þe Vandal The King of Vandalia, homeland of Vandals. Sworn enemy of King Nyn.
• Anus, Onion, Bøb The Tagger Merchants
• The Wizard Nyn's loyal wizard.
• The Royal Advisor King Nyn's royal advisor.
• King Lead Fist King Nyn's ally and King Søck's enemy.
• Mordachai The Jew who controls everything.
• Puttana The town prostitute.
• The Narrator The guy who narrates. He cannot be seen by the audience.
• The Dragon A constant threat to Vandalia.
• A dog It passes by during the play.
• Another dog very influential.

The Play

Act I

The curtains are raised, audience cheers. Kojac, King Nyn and Queen Luverly can be seen on stage, doing crack. They immediately throw away whatever is in their hands, stand up and start acting.

Scene I

The king's court. Nyn, Luverly and Kojac are on stage

Nyn: "Kojac! Come here, dear nephew I want to give you something..."

Kojac: "Crabs?"

Luverly: "You have them already."

Nyn: "Kojac, I'm an old man, I'm gonna die in the next scene, so I want to make you my hier.. You killed your hundredth vandal yesterday, right?"

Kojac: "Umm... Yes, my liege..."

Nyn: "You don't have to call me that again, because starting from the next scene you'll be king."

Kojac: "Whatever..."

A dog then runs across the stage, curtains fall.

Scene II

The king's court. Flying Canine and Doctor skulls are on stage

Flying Canine: "Muahahahahahah!"

Doctor Skulls: "Your most sadisticship, why are you laughing?"

Flying Canine: "There's a cat in my pants, its tickling, you know..."

Doctor Skulls: "Shouldn't you say something along the lines of I'll take over Ireland! or something?"

Flying Canine: "Oh yeah, I forgot.. Ahem Muahahahahah, I'll take over Ireland!"

Doctor Skulls: "But how, your evilness?"

Flying Canine: "Here's the perfect plan: I'll pour some Trinitroglycerine in his toilet's flushbox, you will slip some laxative pills in his wine, so he will have to go to the toilet and flush, and the whole castle blows up!!1!OMFG!LOLOOLZORZ!!1!"

Doctor Skulls: "But we don't want to blow up the castle, your madness.. you know, we may die too.."

Flying Canine: "Yes.. You're right... What are we gonna do, then?"

Doctor Skulls: "How about slipping poison in his food?"

Flying Canine: "You're a genius! Muahahahaha!"

Doctor Skulls: "Muahahahaha!"

Curtains fall