User:Madclaw/Lobo
Lobo Fuck yeah! Coming again to save the motherfucking day! Or wreck it, whichever he desires. Because he's Lobo who can do whatever the hell he wants and no one can stop him from doing it, not Supes, not Bats not even God. Lobo is awesome, Lobo is the best thing that ever happened, until he chooses to make something even more awesome to happen. Lobo once created a plague that killed everyone on his planet for a science project. Since he subsequently killed his teacher in the process he gave himself an A. Not even the Joker can top that.
Biography[edit | edit source]
Lobo was a bounty hunter, on one of his first jobs he was hired by the Easter bunny to kill Santa Claus. Yes Lobo killed good ole Saint Nick and you never got any presents from there on. Afterward he gave Mrs Kringle a little taste of his own "North Pole" just because he's Lobo. After mild mannered newspaper reporter Clark Kent covered the story, Superman was silly enough to pick a fight with Lobo. Three minutes later they both rolled off, Lobo on his Space Hog and Superman in a wheelchair.
Sometime later Lobo was hired by a man named Harry Hokum to capture the Euphorian Kalista to discover the secret of the planetary shield to claim victory in the Citadel War. Lobo decided against it because Harry Hokum is a stupid name. He meant to have sex with Harry Hokum's wife but since Harry Hokum's name is Harry Hokum he never married. Instead Lobo settled for his sister Hermoine Hildegardt Hokum.
At one point he was chosen as the archbishop of the first celestial church of the triple fish god, this was an easy gig since he only had to work once a year riding his space hog around the world on Christmas to bring sushi and tuna to children around the world.
It is theorized that if Chuck Norris and Lobo ever met in combat, the universe would promptly BLOW THE FUCK UP.
Sexcapades[edit | edit source]
Once Lobo transformed himself into a duck to have sex with Daisy Duck. This gave Donald his famous lisp. He then proceeded to kill Ducktown's most infamous avenger Darkwing Duck and shake down Uncle scrooge for protection money.
Powers and Abilities[edit | edit source]
- Superhuman Strength: Lobo is strong, fucking strong he easily beat Superman into submission... with his 19 inch cock.
- Superhuman Stamina: Lobo can and will go on for days, provided that his subject survives that long although that doesn't really matter, don't put necrophilia past Lobo. He also has a 19 inch cock.
- Immortality: Since Lobo is banned from both Heaven and Hell he is immortal. He also has a 19 inch cock.
- Invulnerability: With ease he shrugs of blows from the likes of Superman with no damage. He also has a 19 inch cock.
- Self-Sustenance Just because he can sustain himself doesn't mean he will. He's Lobo and he'll eat your fields barren if it pleases him
- Regeneration: If Lobo does somehow sustains injury, which is impossible since he's invulnerable. He's got a healing factor that would make Wolverine and Sabretooth look like a hemophiliac bunch of kids that got to ride along on the firetruck courtesy of the Make a Wish foundation.
- Bio-Fission: Bio-fucking'-Fission!!! He can actually Bio Fiss himself. Can you??
- Tracking: Lobo can trace prey across the Universe. No where to run, no where to hide from his 19 inch cock.
- Multilingualism: Lobo is fluent in over six million forms of communication including but not limited to lolcatspeak.
- A man of his word: Lobo's word is the only thing he finds sacred just because he's the one who's saying it. He also has a 19 inch penis.
- Grounded Flight: Lobo can fly only while touching the ground, which is still 19 inches if he chooses to fly horizontally.
Weaknesses[edit | edit source]
Lobo possesses a fondness for space dolphins which cannot possibly be a weakness. Space Dolphins dude... how awesome is that!?!
Behind the scenes[edit | edit source]
Following minor superheroes like Spider-Man, Wolverine, Daredevil Batman, Ironman, The Hulk, Hellboy, Spawn, V the Watchmen and even gulp Catwoman, Lobo will star in a motion picture of his own. The script is currently written by Kevin Smith who will also direct this movie. The author of this article and harbinger of this fantastic idea will get a cameo in this upcoming masterpiece along with Jay and Silent Bob. This movie will not contain a giant robotic spider. The part of Lobo will be played by Danny Trejo.
Final words of Lobo-dom[edit | edit source]
External links[edit | edit source]
- The exact same article on Arkhampedia