User:Kippy/The Wonderful World of Dildo

      Whoops! Did you get an STD from World War II?

If you thought a dildo is a dildo is a dildo, and their principle uses includes only grating cheese, huffing kittens, smashing skulls, blowing up cities, grating cheese, huffing kittens, pounding pussies, and blowing up cities, then think again. Here comes some insightful thoughts into what dildos are.

I Y My DILDO
Often misinterpreted as

I Y the FELCHING

The Dildophone

Dildo workers busy making Dildophones. When asked they testified to be Scots.

The Dildophone is a common Scottish instrument, derived from the common dildo. There are many ways of playing it, but the most common is to blow directly into it. For more information on the Dildophone, visit its article.

Also, read about the famous Craig-Tara Dildophone Folk-Band

Dildos in Wartime

The first use of a dildo as a weapon was in the Civil War of 1984. At the urging of Colonel Custer, it was adopted as the primary weapon of The South for the majority of the war. In addition to it being used as a close-combat weapon, it was also adopted in espionage missions, succeeding in demoralizing the enemy and kill them efficiently and silently, despite some moaning. The use of the dildo as a weapon is one of the main concepts of Confederate ideology, with many redneck using it in their war against America.

A Statement of Truth

Gwen Stefani trying out her first banana.

Gwen Stefani thinks that dildos are just bananas. She has told CNN that she takes one dildo a day for breakfast ("A dildo a day keeps the dicks away"). She also said, African dildos are the best, because they are so full of vitamins ("That nigga cock sucka, muh like to fucka"). This confusion between bananas and dildos is identified by the practitioners of Psychiatric Mysticism as the mysterious Peeling Syndrome. Some believe, Peeling Syndrome has spread like an epidemic in the Velvet Underground.

Other Groundbreaking Statements by Gwen Stefani

• You are never alone, because the Big Brother is watching you.
• Michael Jackson is a Martian cursed by the Black Witch to endure a human existence. His brother goes by the name J'onnn J'onzz.
• I never understood quantum mechanics. I think it is a lot of bull. Had it been discovered by a hot blooded Californian it would have made more sense, and would have tasted better too.
• Is that my underwear you're wearing? Yes, that red one, with lace around the fringe. Can I have it back now?
• One black coffee, please.

A Very Dildo Christmas

“Boys will always be boys, and girls will be girls, and that's why I keep two sets of dildos at my place - the anal and the vaginal.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Good Housekeeping

“I can't afford those morals anymore, since I got a dildo farm to run. I wish the government had some control over the price of morals.”

~ Concubine on Market Prices

“One firm dildo is always better than a farmload of infirms.”

~ Oscar Wilde on above statement

“I wish you couldn't afford those Viagra supplements.”

~ Concubine on his reply

Oscar goes to have a holiday

A short story by the late great Oscar Wilde or one of his concubines

Realising that his wife had been made impotent by reindeer and elf sperm, Santa genetically modified a dildo using gifts he planned to give young children, such as scissors, tape, a sidewinder heat-seeking missile, and some other shit he found in his toilet. This resulted in a plaything for him to use on himself (one wonders why he didn't make an artificial vagina instead, leading people to suspect that Santa was a woman who went for a sex-change operation) He dubbed this plaything the Diesel Internal Lubrication Device One, which he kept in the glove compartment of his 2000cc, 8-valve, V12 engine, quad exhaust sleigh. It was later acronymized to dildo and Santa gives them out at Christmas to all the good boys and girls, leaving the majority of boys very confused. It has been known to give much pleasure to both women and men.

Moral of the Story: Never give unto Santa what is yours or your wife's.
Immoral of the Story: Give unto your friends' ass what you always wanted to give.

Translated into English from Anglaise by: Sir MMMMM M. MMMMMMMM the Lord of 7-Up

Extreme flavors of Dildo

Rosie O'Donnell's Dildo is known only to big fat dildo queens. You have to be UBER-LESBIAN to even think about going here. For the sake of us all, this information has been omitted.

Bio-Logical Dildos

KIPPY/THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF DILDO AND METAPHYSICS: Many experts in kippy/the wonderful world of dildo have challenged the entire notion of human rational thought, just to find it leading nowhere in the question of how to remove a ladies' swimwear.

Brought to you by National Enquirer and the Rolling Stones

• Dildo is a singer from England. She did a duet with Eminem. Other claimers of that name were:

• Mariah Carrey
• Britney Spears
• Lindsay Lohan
• Janet Jackson
• Yitzak Rabin
• Yasser Arafat
• Yasser Notsofat
• Oscar Wilde
• Pope John Paul 1.0
• Pope John Paul 2.0
• Pope John Paul 2.1
• Robin Hood
• Throbbin' Good
• Your Friend's Mom

Geo-Logical Dildos

Brought to you by National Geographic and the Playboy

• Dildo is key in Florida, and also an island and a town in Newfoundland, Canada, which is a sister city of Fucking, Austria. Its associates are:

• Dongo (Congo Democratic Republic)
• Dong Rack (Thailand-Cambodia border)
• Shafter (California, USA)
• The Climax twins - Climax (Minnesota, USA) and Climax (Colorado, USA)
• Cumming (Georgia, USA)
• Hold With Hope (Greenland)
• Intercourse (Pennsylvania, USA)

Il-Logical Dildos

A Nuclear Dildo

• Dildo is not only a rocket, it is a banana, an ice cream, a type of pickle made from horny cucumbers, and is your father.
• Dildos have many uses, among them are: cable television antenna, toilette plunger, television remote control, nuclear warhead, Star Trek communicator and map pointer.
• Dildo once tried to throw a ring into a volcano. This act of disturbing matriarchialism caused the entire universe to turn inside-out. This is known as the "Dildo Disturbance" in geology.
• Strange lights, vibrations, and sound generated by the mix up of electromagnetic waves are also known as the "Dildo Affect". The Dildo Effect is a partial explanation for the Northern Lights.
• Dildobutter jelly. Dildoscotch whiskey. Dildolights in the night. Good morning, ma'am, would you prefer to have this woody? A dildo on dongs maybe? Thank you very much. That would be sixty five throaty, I mean, thirty.

The Wonderful World of Dildo