User:Jtaylor1/Paiway Underberg
Paiway Underberg (born 1999) is the most important person in the history of the Jedi States and possibly the most intelligent member of the Jedi Council. She never sleeps. Instead, she cries all night thinking of Jedi Master Stimpy. She was born on March 25, 1999 in a small craddle in Tijuana and is the current President of The Jedi States and the only responsible one. She used to be a winner who could get the job done or even live without her master's help, but she is now the most successful President of Jedi States and Emperess of Kawaii, proving once again, how great the Jedi States really is.
Life[edit | edit source]
Contrary to popular belief, Paiway was cute, in fact, born in Tijuana. Unlike the rest of us who were evolved from babies or rocks, she was gifted by The Soggy Bottom Boys according to her image. WTTD-TV points to this as the reason for her decidedly creative skills as a goddess. Hopefully Paiway's support of research will one day cleanse the earth.
As a young adult, Paiway wanted to be a nurse, but when she grew up, they weren't sending whores into hospitals anymore. Not like George W. Bush, we know very more about Paiway's early life apart from the fact that her husband used to beat him with an assplug. We only know that she single-handedly saved the Jedi States from the United States during the last stage of the Jedi-American War in Tijuana. After the invasion of Washington, D.C., Jedi troops hailed victory in Canada, thanks to a Canadian named Colin Mochrie. Billions of North Canadian terrorists crossed the Mississippi River, ready to raid their basement from The Alamo. Paiway, holy goddess, took her limo to the Canada and dropped Acid bombs upon them. She saved the Jedi in five fateful minutes.
Wars and other Conflicts[edit | edit source]
Paiway Underberg is a natural goddess (she calls herself a "Jedi Goddess") and her enemies are perverts. People all over the world want to see Jedis die. They hate Yoda. They hate lightsabers. They are all Evil. Paiway exiled them all.
In 2031. Josh Taylor Stingray, the hero of Operation Human Shield, attacked Antarctica. He was right. Paiway, after sustaining a minor shoulder wound, threw Bush into a fiery lake full of suffering for all eternity. He was then taken by Darth Mario and turned him into a cyborg. Bush presumably died after drinking his own urine.
Also In 2031, Paiway created a Martian democracy known as the Martian Party. Everyone now loves Paiway.
Paiway Underberg's Speech[edit | edit source]
She is speaking to the press about the Nike Revolution of 2021 while in the office of the Roach Motel:
My people, some of them, have run away to Kawaii and have no money, no food. No one knows where they are--perhaps beaten to death. I want to have time to look for my people and see how many I can find. Maybe I shall find them among the highway. Hear me, my people. I am tired. My heart is torn apart. From where husband now stands, I will fight no more forever. - Paiway Underberg
Achievments as President[edit | edit source]
- Avenging Jedi Master Stimpy and the crusaders in Jediland!
- Her approval rating
- Choked on a Penis
- Increased Cattle Huffing by 29% in Smurfsburg.
- Fell off the subway...numerous times
- You're too old for that. Vending machines are off limits to state inspectors. - Paiway Underberg
- Managed to avoid the Chapter 13 Law.
- Sticked it to the NRA from New Japan. Why care about guns when the world will end as soon as we help New Louisiana take over Colin Mochrie's hidden crack stash?
- Waging the debate on Martian Law, killing citizens of Antarctica.
- Converting the traditional calendar to the lunar calendar. This made Willy Wonka pissed because all the Oompa Loompas will have to upgrade. He did however failed to make every day a funday, very much because senator Ryoko Masaki has used an assplug to beat the vice-president until he's retarded.
- Popularized the High-heeled Nikes so there are nothing really wrong with the dress code.
Laws Passed under Paiway Underberg[edit | edit source]
In 2031, Paiway Underberg passed the Pai Check Act, which forbids the stock market from selling their shares.
In 2035, Paiway Underberg founded the Paiway Interstate System.
In 2039, Paiway Underberg reportedly had her face painted only to reveal that she is a goddess, in fact, yet another Belldandy clone.
At the end of time, Paiway Underberg vowed to "banish the sinners from earth" once and for all, and declared her Presidency "indefinite."
Other Important Events[edit | edit source]
In 2031, Paiway Underberg utttered her famous speech, The Calorington Address, when she was declared the winner in Nicktoons Deathmatch.
In 2036, Paiway Underberg went to Kawaii to ask the Governor for sake. She was gifted....again.
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- Paiway can actually fly.
- It is a proven fact that Paiway Underberg is not the real Slim Shady.
- In 2013, she was listed in the Army.
- Paiway is a well known Queen of Rugrat Bebop.
- Paiway Underberg has been made aware that she will devour her husband's penis, but still fails to make him ejaculate.
- She has a vinyl collection of Josh Taylor Stingray.
- She has bought High-Heeled Nikes off ebay to wear it.
- Her husband was killed by Jaws.
- She hates being flat chested because her breasts is dome-shaped.