User:Jacque Grimhearse/Ivana Cum

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Your Mom?

“Get back in the damn bedroom!”

~ CrushTheKing on Ivana Cum

“Yeah, what he said.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Ivana Cum

“Gross, a girl!”

~ Michael Jackson on Ivana Cum

“Ivana Cum too!”

~ Red Teacup on Ivana Cum


~ Ivana Cum on Everyone above.
Susie LOVES her bathtime.

Ivana Cum (Originally Ivana B. Kummeng) is a 16 year-old blonde bisexual prostitute from a small hill-town in Germany. Li'l Susie was born with a strange pre-natal condition where she has a severe addiction to cum which most likely cums from being related to 69 generations of both male and female family members who seem to be genetically predisposed to become Whores, Prostitutes, Hookers, Jiggalos, and Ladies of the evening. As apart of Susie's condition, if she does not get at least 8 fluid ounces of Cummy in her Tummy every 24 hours it can lead her to feeling from: extremely frisky, clinically depressed and pouty to mildly grumpy, anxious and even more frisky.

Early Life[edit]

Ivana Cum (being a young blonde girl from Germany) started out at the ripe old age of 14 with dreams of being the worlds most talented whore someday, had no trouble finding many customers (In fact the customers always seem to find her), since she can make men (and women) very happy for a surprisingly small amount of money. Reasons being she was just too young to know anything and just having no concept of ownership all she knew is that lollipops weren't expensive, so that is probably why there was usually a line of men (and WOMEN) leading from her bedroom door about a mile and a half long that extense out and wraps around her small town; each of them waiting for a chance to meet li'l Ivana and maybe get a chance to spend a little time with her (Approx 2-11 minutes). It is widely known that a true whore doesn't even have to do it for money to truly be considered a real whore.

Sexual Techniques[edit]

Ivana Cum is World-renowned for her long list of variable sexual techniques which she offers at suspiciously low prices, as if it's a labor of love or something. Her techniques are the following:

Ivana loves satisfying her customers so much, she let's them create their own style for free.

  • (Your style here) -
  • (Your style here) -
  • (Your style here) -
  • (Your style here) -
  • (Your style here) -

Spare Time[edit]

In-between heads, Ivana Likes to play her favorite video game, the one and only game she ever, ever plays besides the love game.

Her favorite game ever.‎

See also[edit]