User:Insineratehymn/iced earth (rewrite)

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Iced Earth
Origins Indianapolis, Indiana
Year(s) active 1984-present
Genre(s) Heavy Metal
Power Metal
Heavy Power Metal
Label(s) Media For The Centuries
Hammer Powered By Steam
Spoiled Pompous Villains (SPV)
Members Jon Schaffer
Tim "Paper Shredder" Owens

Iced Earth is a time-traveling American heavy metal band from Indianapolis, Indiana. The bands they try to copy the most include Iron Maiden and Judas Priest.


The band was formed back in 1984, when frontman Jon Schaffer thought of the brilliant idea to form a heavy metal band that travels through time. The first thing he needed to do was get a time machine. He managed to steal some schematics for a time machine from H. G. Wells's file cabinet. "Considering the guy has been dead for a long time," Jon Schaffer said, "I thought he wouldn't be needing it anymore." The next thing he needed to acquire was a group of idiots talented musicians stupid brave enough to travel through time with him. After a long time of fruitless searching, he finally formed his band, which at that time consisted of Gene(tic) Adam, Randall Shaver, Dave A Bell, and Mike McGills.

Enter The Realm demo[edit]

After completing the lineup, they went circling around a black hole picking up so much speed that they traveled back in time all the way back to the big bang, which was discovered to have happened a few minutes after God created Heaven. They never understood why God chose to create heaven before causing the big bang. There, the band saw a large battle between God and Satan that ended with God kicking Satan's puny red ass into Hell. The battle lasted from the creation of the first cheesium atom to the last ice age. To commemorate this battle, they recorded the "Enter The Realm" demo. They made only one copy of this demo, which was given to God himself. He later lost it after leaving it on his couch, as it slipped through the cushions and fell straight into Hades.

Self-titled Debut[edit]

They were on Earth when the last ice age occurred in 20,000 BC. The sudden blast of cold froze over the time machine's engine and they were stranded. It was decided that since they were stranded, they would record their debut full-length in the snow. Recording the album was hard, as the drummer's hands and feet kept falling off while playing, and the guitarist had to replace his strings every five minutes because the ice kept breaking them. When they completed the album, it instantly attracted the attention of the nomadic people in the area, and started giving mammoth furs to the band in exchange for an album. Eventually, the mammoths were hunted to extinction and the band managed to get enough furs to warm up the engine and got moving again.

Night of the Stormrider[edit]

Burnt Offerings[edit]

The Dark Saga[edit]

Something Wicked This Way Comes[edit]

The wicked something coming their way happened to be a grue.

Alive In Athens[edit]

Horror Show[edit]

The Glorious Burden[edit]