“What harmless viruses? Those are helpful updates!”
“It's pretty simple, actually. The viruses I see here are figments of... I'm sorry, what were we talking about?”
“I vow to protect all my users from harm by blocking insecure websites with Safari on my Apple computers”
“ This is why I don't have too many restarts.”
“Part of the facts is understanding we have a problem, and part of the facts is what you're going to do about it.”
“ I've covered this war”
“ Which one of these can equip me? None? Any college friends?”
Ilogin is a harmless (maybe) computer virus that can only be destroyed by its utter opposite, Ilogout. Their relationship is much like Grues and Eurgs. However, the impact is far less severe, only causing your computer to want to
asplode restart. Sometimes, they cause adverse reactions called "Computer viruses".These viruses are all over the Internet and extremely hard to catch. You have to connect to the Internet, look up a website, and lo and behold. You've got the virus/es. The Log war was also the cause of the stock crash in 1999, but nobody knows. Hush hush.
Current Status[edit | edit source]
At the current rate, neither virus shows any sign of stopping their runaway growth. However, Ilogin always outnumbers Ilogout by at least one, because of the constant replication that happens when someone logs in or out of accounts. The constant, neverending war between these two programs is covered up by all computer companies. So far, the government and private sector have covered up the rampant spread of these harmless viruses by using Porn, Malware and Terrorists 2.0 as the main sources of viruses. These two viruses have spawned many others to help them in their war against each other. However, in developing new weapons and types of troops as in
Call of Duty Command and Conquer Holocaust Tycoon, they have had amazing side effects.
Troops and other Entites[edit | edit source]
Anything to do with the war is here, or it's not true.
Participants[edit | edit source]
These viruses, which are
malicious programs soldiers in the neverending battle between Ilogin and Ilogout.
I Love You Virus (Ilogin field commander)[edit | edit source]
The I love You virus is the
horny slut commander of all Ilogin forces. This virus, born as a school project, has now become the leader of Ilogin military operations.
Worm Blaster (Ilogout field commander)[edit | edit source]
Worm Blaster is a
mentally retarded stupid virus that aside from taking out your broadband, leaving you off the Net, only causes a minor annoyance in terms of extra folders. Field-Marshall Fragmentation plans to replace him, but he needs to be completely fired, which is not possible.
Polyboot.B[edit | edit source]
An elite spy for Ilogin, they relocate Ilogout files to your
Recycle Bin Quarantine Hell. Also has a 106% chance of destroying ordinary files.
File[edit | edit source]
The main victim of the war, files are your standard civilians in a war zone. They run, scream, put up futile resistance, and then are infected with virus. Losers.
Ramdex[edit | edit source]
An Ilogout commando, he corrupts Web pages and renders logging in impossible, see more under Future. His schizoprenia program makes your computer hear voices.
Internet connection[edit | edit source]
useless invention tragic scapegoat of the Log war, this extremely useful invention has been badly affected by the war, making it extremely unpopular even more awesome.
Chuck Norris Virus[edit | edit source]
Signed up with Ilogout because he needed do-gooders to waste. He inflicted 100TB of code destruction before being hit with a Logic Bomb prototype. Due to
stupidity bad programming, he was deleted by this bomb.
Way[edit | edit source]
An Ilogout veteran from the days when people made random gibberish their password, he hacked files, making them forget their password, hence deleting accounts or recently, getting e-mails with new passwords, which he will also
hack completely destroy. No-win situation.
FAT virus[edit | edit source]
File-allocation table viruses are
rapists Ilogin commandos, conducting demolition raids on files infected doomed by Ilogout's Way virus.
Trojan Horses[edit | edit source]
Gifts sponsored by Ilogout, they were once considered superweapons until
they went Yaoi until the FAT viruses got them. Getting laid Hiding behind good, law-abiding files, they would do their dirty sabotage works on files unnoticed.
Relax[edit | edit source]
Neutral entities, they only make infection easier for everybody. Also make a sideline as
data strippers rest stop workers.
Economy[edit | edit source]
The economy of Ilogin is solely dependent on computer users logging on or creating accounts, while Ilogout's is solely dependent on logouts, forgotten password mails, and deleted accounts. Unfortunately, they had a recession due to the fact that people have memory, and that people are creating multiple accounts. Ouch.
Currency[edit | edit source]
Both used to just rip everything off the Internet. Now, because of the war, their currency is the character, divided into 100 pixels. This is meant to ease file, password and porn trading between the two groups.
Location[edit | edit source]
Internet[edit | edit source]
Like I said, the Internet.
Computers[edit | edit source]
That's where they go to get to the Internet
Code[edit | edit source]
These things are made of code. Of course they fight in code!
Events in the War[edit | edit source]
During the period between the invention of the Internet until 2005, the two were at relative peace, with only minor skirmishes. However, President Signin of Ilogin spilled a Java program on President Signoff of Ilogout's eBay sponsored suit.
The siege of Google[edit | edit source]
The Chuck Norris virus, very bored, decided to attack and seize Google as a staging point for further badassery. Quickly ripping apart the code defending Google, he took control. Upon discovering that Chuck Norris had taken Google, I Love you sent out over 200TB of crack, and crack-addicted SDS (Special Data Service, also their favorite equipment, Steroids, Drugs and Salmon) to stop him. After over a month of terrible battle, in which 100TB of them wer brutally massacred by the roundhouse kick program, and 99 of the remaining 100TB taking too much crack to continue fighting, the last of them began to Logic Bomb Google, causing unbelivable destruction, also known as a
server outage total company screw-up. After three days of intense bombing, in which the remainder were overdosed on crack, Chuck Norris was stupid enough to walk up and kick one of the duds. The pure awesomeness in his leg reacted with the detonator, causing the near-destruction of Google and the death of all programs in the area. After that, both sides belived that behind-the-lines operations were key kewl and did not engage in open combat. Cowards. It is also rumored that Bohemian Rhapsody was playing, so Chuck Norris' pure awesomeness was taken to a new level of awesome, sometimes known as Over 9000 or 110 percent
The battle of Youtube[edit | edit source]
This would have been the decisive battle, but everyone was too busy watching craploads of videos through some random subroutine, forcing the real people of the Internet to bang their fists on their computer in frustration, then have to get a new one.
The Rest of the War[edit | edit source]
The rest of the war will be fought by
n00bs driving Ford Asploders with all the 2010 additions and dissing Chuck Norris and Oscar Wilde while respecting Wikipedians. stupid viruses that screw with your computer, totally destroy your files and passwords, and then go on vacation to the Philippines and get kidnapped.
Other Happenings[edit | edit source]
In the Un-Wiki War, these viruses were rewritten to make the computer asplode instead of restart, slowing the Wikipedia hackers. These viruses were also used to create new strains, such as Grue and AAAAAA! The Uncyclopedians also developed a biological virus based on these, causing some Wikipedians to defect.
Future[edit | edit source]
Both sides are rushing to develop new superweapons in the war on each other. The internet territories of Browsergame and Newbgrounds are Ilogout possessions, while Ilogin has, well, everything else. Ilogout is picoseconds away from developing a new supervirus, known as Ad-Aware, which will be free and will destroy Ilogin by treating it as some dangerous virus. Meanwhile, the perfectionist Ilogin is building, and continually updating superweapon McAfee. Both are also developing "Logic Bombs", basically
idiots waiting for a signal that won't come dedicated fifth-column Nazis. They have the force of a password hacking program/ Nuke.
Philippine Empire involvement[edit | edit source]
It is suspected that news of the war has been brought to Uncyclopedia to recruit members by the Imperal Philippine Defense Force's internet division to hack the Russains because the Americans said so. Needless to say, nobody cares.
A Friendly reminder[edit | edit source]
Don't plan on using your computers anytime soon, use your antivirus, and blame Wikipedia!