User:Gerrycheevers/Taurus

The constellation Taurus, 2005 model

Taurus is a constellation located in the middle sky of the center hemisphere, and the daytime sky of the leftish hemisphere. It is a zodiac constellation, meaning that people born during a certain time of the year are magically affected by this collection of billions and billions of stars that are located anywhere from just a few trillion miles away (practically in Earth's backyard!) to several billion parsecs away. The symbol for Taurus is a bull, signifying the vague shape of a male cow represented by the brighter stars in the group. If you are unable to see this celestial bovine hanging up there in the sky, know that old people saw it a really long time ago, meaning that it must be there. People born under the influence of this sign, between April 20 and May 21, typically exhibit many of the same qualities, such as breathing, requiring food approximately every eight hours, and being roughly symmetrical.

Notable Deep Space Objects

The constellation Taurus, with stars connected incorrectly.

Several entities in the region of the sky defined by Taurus have been designated by scientists as being "cool." When asked what specific qualities rendered these objects interesting, astronomers were unable to consistently define any characteristic (astronomy, unlike astrology, is a very imprecise branch of pseudoscience involving guesswork and generalities). In any case, these so-called notable bodies are described below.

Antares

The brightest star in Taurus, Aldebaran, is an orange giant star at about 65 light years (meaning that it is 65 years old and it is 65 lights away). Its name is Arabic for "the follower" although it may be a mistranscription from the Arabic "Aldebarrin" which means "orange star". Aldebaran is somewhat disconcertingly classified as a type KILL star. Astronomers hypothesize that the star has moved off of the main sequence and started helium fusion through the triple-alpha process; astrologers think that the star influences lottery numbers on Earth.

Pleiades

The stars of the Pleiades cluster are blue; astrologers believe that these particular stars must be sad.

M45 (Messier catalog object #45) is an open cluster of gravitationally-bound stars. It was part of the exhaustive sky survey undertaken by Mark Messier after his retirement from the New York Rangers. Although Messier himself went blind as a result of his foolish attempt to take an inventory of every star in the universe, he is renowned in astronomical circles for increasing the ease with which stargazers can refer to celestial objects (previously only identifiable by names such as "that one over there" or "the big green one".)

Also known as the Pleiades and the Seven Sisters, these seven blue-white hypergiants have inspired many myths and urban legends. It has been said that the number of stars an individual could see within the cluster would determine a soldier's role in ancient times. Those who could see six or more would be archers, those who saw between two and five would be infantry, and those unable to locate the sky would be generals.

Crabs Nebula

The Crabs Nebula was first observed by Chinese astronomers in 1054 AD. It is the strongest source of gamma radiation from the deep sky, which is how it as discovered: Chinese astronomers noticed more mutations in their potato crops when this part of the sky was visible. It is named for the way it moves across the sky: in an extremely unsettling way reminiscent of scuttling. It is thought that a rapidly spinning neutron star known as a pulsar lies at the center of the nebula. This is possibly a remnant of the supernova that created the nebula, or possibly some sort of ultra-intense interstellar dance party.

Astrological Significance

Flammability and nose rings are major characteristic of those born under the influence of Taurus.

The zodiac sign of Taurus is male; thus nearly 51% of all Tauruses are in fact male. Being the third sign in the zodiac, Tauruses fall under the influence of the moon (despite the moon being sufficiently far away as to have a gravitational force on humans equivalent to that of a small potted plant that is ten feet away). They are thus concerned with natural 'Taurus matters', such as family, health, activities, sleeping, respirating, and being alive. Babies who grow up to have nose rings have a better chance of being born as a Taurus than any under any other sign; surveys show one in every twelve such nostrically equipped individuals are Tauruses. Since Sagittarius is the reddest sign, they and Tauruses are violently incompatible. Individuals born under the sign of Taurus are 4% more likely to be permanently banned from China shops.

Associated Traits

Usual characteristics of a Taurus paint a broad picture of an individual who is happy during good times, but may become sad during periods of difficulty or personal anguish. Sometimes requiring corrective lenses, Tauruses may or may not be musically inclined. A vast majority of people born under this sign are of average height, weight, and build. There are several positive traits specific to Taurus:

• Characteristics considered positive: easygoing; hardworking; possession of communication skills including speech; capable of self-locomotion; excessively outgoing; interested in sporting events, technology, or the legitimate stage.

There are also certain negative traits, which are always true of all Tauruses (even the ones that contradict the positive traits)

• Characteristics considered negative: tendency to procrastinate; too playful; flammable; extremely shy; tendency to bleed when prodded or poked excessively; inability to perform intensive mathematical calculations by hand; excessively worrisome; vulnerable to maulings by bears and other large predators.

Physical traits

Male Tauruses are typically taller than female Tauruses, and are thus better at basketball. Tauruses typically are born with around four limbs, and may tend to appear pinkish and doughy for the first few years of life. Tending to increase in size during each of the first twenty or so years of life, those born under the sign of Taurus are usually blessed with a fleshy covering known as skin.