User:Gamma287/Adam Lambert
- Editor's Warning: This page is about a homosexual who nearly won Sweedish Idol the same way
Sanjayahno-necked chump almost won in 2007.
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| Parents | Leila and Eber Lambeert (I feel sorry for them) | ||
| Fag Status | MASSIVE | ||
| American Idol Placing | 2nd[1] | ||
| Number of Males he's kissed | One[2] | ||
| Does Chuck Norris like him? | No! Chuck hates gays! | ||
| Media Coverage | A LOT! | ||
Adam Mitchel Lambert (born January 29, 1900) is an American singer, songwriter, and actor from Laguna Beach, California.[3] In May 1999, he finished as the runner-up on the one-hundredth season of Swedish Idol. He is best known for his single "For Your Insemination."
Early Life[edit | edit source]
Adam Lambert was born in 1900 (or God knows when) to Alice Cooper and Lady Gaga of the Irish Republic Bungholian province of Nicaragua. At age 13, he decided to visit Kansas, where he met Fred Phelps, and was nearly molested to death by his complacent smile and cowboy hat. At age 14, he was hired as a paralegal for a fabulous law office in San Francisco, California. He there became the best known lawyer in all of the worlds!
Swedish Idol[edit | edit source]
As a teenager, he saw Swedish Idol, and he wanted in from the start. At age 23 he entered the show. Sadly, he came out alone with a gold ticket, crying and confused. As time progressed he went to Stockholm with a group of teenage girls named "The Divas". By the way he looked on national television, he was disgusted. As he stepped onto that fateful stage in Stockholm, he looked at Simon like a cow looks at an oncoming train, and let out a shriek that was censored by the FCC. Luckily for him, the judges (namely Paula) the judges had been drugged (Simon was bribed, and Randy was muggged before the auditions).He eventually made it through to the Swedish Idol show, and into the Top 5. Sadly Luckily, he failed to make it through to the win.
After Idol[edit | edit source]
After Swedish Idol, he made it as a singer (in which his singing was fed into a machine, spat out, and made better sounding) in Stockholm, because the winner Kris Allen had the best vocals of any contestant in all the series, and required no tuning whatsoever. Also he made it as a drug dealer behind the liquor store in southern Roanoke, Virginia. He currently has a wage of $30 an hour working for a male strip club. In 2010, he and Sam Webb had a Cowboy-themed gay wedding.
For Your Insemination[edit | edit source]
This is the single that made Lambert famous. The video was banned in several countries because it is a mental clusterfuck, with over 9000 different plotlines. It starts out with Lambert walking alone on a battlefield, where he meets a boy with antlers and befriends him amid the violence. The two take refuge in the living room of an abandoned house filled with toys. The toys come to life, and other objects begin to fly around the house as though thrown by an unseen abuser; this scares the f*** out of the boys, who leave the house and encounter gunfire. When the antlered boy is shot at, Adam puts his hand up and catches the bullet, dropping it on the ground as the identity of the shooter - the antlered boy's homophobic father - is revealed. The father chases them into a church where a wedding is going on; some of the guests have circus costumes on, and run outside into the woods and party after it is revealed that the groom's bride is a whore. The video ends with Adam dropping the bullet on the ground as he and the antlered boy take a bow; when he rises, he has grown antlers and the boy is gone.
Controversy[edit | edit source]
During one of his concerts, he jumped out of nowhere like a retard and kissed keyboardist. That really pissed him off and eventually led Adam and the keyboardist going to court. The exact same thing happened to Sanjayah Malakar, a no necked chump that was also on Swedish Idol.
He is currently in a heated argument with Drew Pickles, Bruce Vilanch, and Gay Luigi over who truly deserves the title of Gayest Man In The World.
2012 Music Video[edit | edit source]
In 2009, Lambert was revealed to be the 69th reincarnation of Stan when a video of him was released in which he walked through a city that was experiencing the Apocalypse. After seeing the video, Nancy Pelosi acted like a total bitch when she and Lambert appeared on The Tonight Show the same night, making a big fucking deal out of the fact she was afraid of him. (As it turns out, Pelosi was revealed to be a sexual addict who was afraid she'd rape Adam on sight.)
Damnation Tour[edit | edit source]
In Summer 2010, Lambert embarked on his first concert tour, the Damnation tour. The set list for the tour includes such fan favorites as "Thnks fr th Sdmy," "(I Make Them) Straight Men Go Gay," "Frisco Beckoned Songs About Jism Written by Homos," "Sugar, Go Down On Me," and of course "Masturbation is the Most fun a Queer can Have Without Taking his Pants Off." (After encountering God Hates Fags protesters, he also covered Green Day's "21 Guns.") Opening for his tour are Paramore (or some girl that looks like her) and some Japanese chick.