User:DrObvious/Professor Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters
“Jean Grey, Hot!”
“RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRh”
Professor Xavier’s School for Challenged Gifted Youngsters, or PXSfGY, as it is often abbreviated in casual conversation [1] is one of the leading training facilities for specially-other-handy-differently-capable people-folks-sapiens-blokes, aka crypts[1], who wish to compete in the Special Olympics. Interestingly, PXSfGY’s student body is made up of over 60% redheads.
Professor Charles Xavier, Wheelchair Basketball Champ[edit | edit source]
Professor Charles Xavier, or Wheels[2], is considered one of the founding fathers of the Special Olympics. He was considered one of the most dominating Wheelchair basketball players of his day, as well as the unofficial ambassador of the game. Playing for the Cincinnati Reds’ sister team, the Cincinnati Red Gimped Up B Ballers, or Cincinasty Reds Gimped Up B Baller [3], Wheels took first place in the 1960, 1961, 1962, 1963, and 1964 Wheelchair Basketball category of the Special Olympics.
1965 marked the beginning of Wheels’ role as ambassador for the sport. It was in this year that he actually convinced someone else to try the game. In 1966, controversy surrounded Wheels when he was accused of having inappropriate relations with an underaged redhead girl. Instead of proving his innocence in the court of public opinion, Wheels hung up his jersey and started a private school, complete with hot little plaid skirts, white shirts, and lawn sprinklers.
Home For the Mentally and Physically Crypt[edit | edit source]
A Safe Haven[edit | edit source]
The world population hates and fears crypts, and for good reason. Crypts were historically loved, enjoying prominent positions in carnival entertainment, foodservice, chimney sweep, and panhandling industries. After the newspeak inspired Americans with Disabilities Act, Americans have come to see crypts for the dangerous murdering thugs they are. Americans have also come to fear crypts even more than other groups of dangerous murdering thugs [1], because they now go around calling everyone cryptists, and then demand reparations.
Since everyone in PXSfGY is a crypt, and probably a hot young redhead with either loose morals or low self esteem, crypts view it as a haven from scary and dangerous cryptists and stairs.
World Class Training Facility[edit | edit source]
PXSfGY contains one of the most state of the art gymnasiums and training grounds in the world. Of course it would have to be state of the art; the damn crypts can do anything on their own. We normal people only need a driveway and a ball, assuming there are no weirdoes there[1].
PXSfGY includes the following notable facilities:
- Big Round Basketball Court: Round basketball courts are more friendly to wheeled vehicles. You’ve seen Ben Hurr, right?
- Danger Room: An advanced mechanical garage for fixing wheelchairs, prosthetic legs, and chopping down cars.
- Classrooms: A number of educational and cost cutting features have been implemented in the classrooms. For example, the One on One Tutoring Room for Troubled Redheads has no interior doorknob, and is controlled by a remote control on Wheels’ chair.
- Down Syndrome Wrestling Pit: There is currently no official Down Syndrome wrestling event, and PFSfGY does not advocate the creation of the event. Down Syndrome Wrestling is just a betting sport for the crypts at the school, and it is pretty funny.
Training Scandals[edit | edit source]
PFSfGY has been the subject of a number of media articles, almost universally negative. Nearly all of these have come from the left-wing, America hating, reactionary, communist rags like the New York Times, or jingoist, Neanderthal, reactionary, obama loving whores like the New York Times. Bill O'Reilly has been known to interview a number of students over the phone, but it is unclear if this was for any story.
Record Falsification[edit | edit source]
A number of amateur videos have been found on the internet purporting to depict the Down syndrome wrestling matches that occur at the PFSfGY. Automated Internet Privacy Intrusion Technology at the Department of Homeland Security has analyzed these videos. They have determined that a number of participants did not suffer from Down syndrome, but were in fact ethnic Mongolians, normally called mongoloids, except by a few [1]. The position of PXSfGY has constantly been that with the large and rising number of undocumented mongoloid immigrants, it is often difficult to identify true Down syndrome crypts, and weed out the fakers. Since Down syndrome wrestling is an unsponsored event, no legal action has been taken.
Genetic Doping[edit | edit source]
Freakish superpowers have manifested in a number of students at PXSfGY. An official investigation has revealed a large, subterranean genetic manipulation facility, dubbed the Chop Shop. An intensive statistical study discovered that the genetic treatments have had no impact on the physical or mental abilities or specially-other-handy-differently-capabilities of the athletes. In fact, the only effect of the genetic doping has been the eruption of superpowers, and a higher incidence of redheaded children. Some athletes suffering form superpowers have banded together to fight crime as the X-Men.