User:Dante Dark
“That is not dead which can eternal lie, and with strange aeons even a Devil may cry. lol”
Dante Dark (October 12, 1986 - October 13, 1986) is a half-chinese half-french demon-hunting sociopath. He was born into a world you... may not understand. Raised by flamboyant italian fashion designer Hugh Jackman, Dante discovered at a very young age that killing things and collecting the transparent red orbs that their dead bodies shed is his one true calling.
Personal Life[edit | edit source]
When Dante isn't shooting witches and dogs in the face and then kicking them in the throat to crush their windpipes and smiling wryly while doing it (thereby adding insult to injury), he enjoys reading novels by Lindsay Lohan. During his vacation time he prefers the quaint resort of Silent Hill, which provides him with a wealth of blueberry jam and other assorted aphrodisiacs. Despite (or perhaps IN spite) of Dante's taste for viagra, he has a set of sharp teeth where normal human male genitals should be.
Tabloids[edit | edit source]
A notorious party girl at heart, Dante has been spotted at numerous Hollywood clubs snorting cocaine with Dakota Fanning often while being cheered on by Jerry Seinfeld. Often the variables of such occurances are interchangable - ecstasy in place of cocaine, Nicole Kidman's dry husk of a corpse in place of Dakota Fanning, a talking pie in place of Seinfeld.
Dante is often seen galavanting around town with his pals Gordon Freeman, Master Chief, and Cloud Strife. They usually partake in homosexual experimentation and kitten huffing.
Family History[edit | edit source]
In late 1943 Dante discovered he had an identical twin sister, Nicole Richie. Rational thought and modern science had previosuly disproved the existenced of identical male-female twins, but Hugh Jackman's amazing super semen (once again) proved rational thought and modern science wrong. Jackman had mated with legendary black diva Oscar Wilde and thus, the lives of Dante and Nicole (both known to the demonic underworld as "les enfants terrible") were brought to fruition.
Devil May Cry[edit | edit source]
Devil May Cry is a surreal reality tv show produced by nefarious planet-devourer George Clooney. DMC follows the trials, tribulations, tears, and laughter of Dante's demon hunting exhibitions. One noteable episode featured Dante ripping out Oprah's eyes and feasting upon the black ichor that spewed from the resulting wounds, which increased Dante's life bar by three notches. It was nominated for eighty-five Emmys.