User:Crocotta1/Russian Reversal
“In Soviet Russia, the women rape you.”
KGB operative Yakov Smirnoff infiltrated America during the Cold War.
One of his early coded messages back to the Mother Land was:
"In America, you can always find a party."
The message was intercepted by the CIA. The country's finest minds, harvested from the fertile breeding grounds of Yale, Harvard and Arizona State, reversed the message to create a devastating piece of propaganda:
"In Soviet Russia, Party finds YOU!!"
And the rest is history.
Make your own[edit | edit source]
Unfortunately for amateur comedians everywhere, the joke contained an inherent complexity: the word party has two meanings.
Almost all attempts at Russian Reversal jokes fail to observe this element, and instead opt to perpetuate a semi-jocular structure with no real punchline.
The key, comrade, is thinking of the end of the joke and working your way back. As the joke itself is called the Russian Reversal, there is no catchy title for this technique. But you must think of something which relates to our idea of Communist Russia and has the following structure:
Something [verbs] something
- The party finds you.
- The state kills you.
- Your neighbours inform on you.
- Intelligence spies on you.
- The newspapers lie about you.
- Your comrades betray you.
- Your politicians follow you.
- Your president poisons you.
- Your shirtless president goes horseback riding with you.
Then see if you can flip it. This can prove to be very difficult, in which case you can simply copy the rest of the people on the internet who make knowingly bad ones: Shirt wears you! Hehe!
Rules[edit | edit source]
Russian Reversal jokes follow a number of rules to various extents.
Grammar can be slightly incorrect. An absence of articles (the, an), a lack or prepositions (in, on) and a failure to conjugate verbs ("computer watch you!!") are all welcome.
Capitalisation (along with capitalism) has an inherent role to play: the final "YOU" is usually capitalised, and on unspeakably geeky pages, parts of the joke may even be italicised.
But of course, In Soviet Russia, rules ignore YOU!!
Examples[edit | edit source]
“Ask not what America can do for you, but what you can do for America.”
For your delectation, Uncyclopedia presents a list of all known good Russian Reversals.
Surveillance[edit | edit source]
A common source of mirth is the idea that, like most totalitarian states, Soviet Russia is constantly watching its people.
- In America, you have tabs on browser. In Soviet Russia, browser has tabs on YOU!!
- In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watches YOU!!
- In America, you look at computer monitor. In Soviet Russia, computer monitors YOU!!
- In America, you listen to radio. In Soviet Russia, radio listens to YOU!!
- In America, you watch TV. In Soviet Russia, TV watches YOU!!
- In America, you invent baseless and somewhat absurd - but nonetheless dangerous - theories about government. In Soviet Russia, government invents baseless and somewhat absurd - but nonetheless dangerous - theories about YOU!!
Violence and death[edit | edit source]
Similar to Smirnoff's original. In a country of purges, gulags, secret police and KGB, what could be a more natural source of comedy than the idea that Russians are routinely beaten and killed?
- In America, you kill president. In Soviet Russia, president kills YOU!!
- In America, you finish sentence. In Soviet Russia, sentence finishes YOU!!
- In America, you Photoshop government officials. In Soviet Russia, government officials Photoshop YOU!!
- In America, you knock back White Russians. In Soviet Russia, White Russians knock back YOU!!
- In America, you gulp down Moscow Mules. In Soviet Russia, Moscow mules gulp down YOU!!
- In America, you spray poisonous chemicals on plant. In Soviet Russia, plant sprays poisonous chemicals on YOU!!
Random[edit | edit source]
Sometimes - just sometimes - a more random one kind of tickles the funny bone.
- In America, you grill pig. In Soviet Russia, pig grills YOU!!!
- In America, you kick ass. In Soviet Russia, ass kicks YOU!!
- In America, you find Waldo. In Soviet Russia, Waldo finds YOU!!
Variations[edit | edit source]
Some of them work with a slight tweaking, whether that be the importance of accent:
- In America, you keep eye on Gremlin. In Soviet Russia, Kremlin keeps eye on YOU!!!
Or geography:
- In Australia, you watch Neighbours. In Soviet Russia, neighbours watch YOU!!
- In UK, you poison your intelligence. In Soviet Russia, intelligence poisons YOU!!
- In Boston, you expose lackluster Red Sox. In Soviet Russia, lackluster Red socks expose YOU!!
- On Twitter, you follow politicians. In Soviet Russia, politicians follow YOU!!
- On Uncyclopedia, you write fake article about Russians. In Soviet Russia, Russians write fake article about YOU!!
Decadent modern period[edit | edit source]
Russian Reversals were robustly formulaic from the Soviet Revolution until the 1980s, but the period of Glasnost and its ensuing decadence resulted in further corruptions and variations.
A number of particularly sassy Russians/self-loathing Americans actually had the temerity to reverse the joke on America. This is a particularly heinous instance thought to be crafted by Russian intelligence in the wake of the U.S. government bailing out banks in 2008:
- In Soviet Russia, you rob bank. In Capitalist America, bank robs YOU!
After the fall of East Germany in 1989, the following Russian Reversal poem was discovered scrawled on a block of the Berlin Wall smuggled back to David Hasselhoff's suite in the Berlin Hilton:
Valentine Reversal
Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
In Soviet Russia
Poem writes YOU!!
