User:Bloroninblorchspit/Gir
 | |
| Birth Date | When he was built by the Tallest |
|---|---|
| Birth Place | Irk |
| Nationality | Byzantine Empire |
| Occupation | Emperor Zim's publicist |
| Religion | Growlongs (but secretly Hindu) |
| Spouse | Single |
| Had sex with many virgins | |
| Website | www.scarymnkeyshowfanlisting.com + has his own myspace page. |
- GIR is Invader ZIM's publicist, as well as Vice Invader of Earth. GIR is the god of a religion known as Growlongs. He is a robot.He is also a SemiGod of The Mansonites
Early Years[edit | edit source]
GIR is ready to take on the position of vice invader.
- GIR was created by the Almighty Tallest in the year 1985. His brain consists of a McDonald's hamburger and a paper clip.
- He was given to ZIM,who then conquered Earth. ZIM, who, according to many reports, had been huffing kittens at the time, made him his Vice Invader and publicist. With his new powers as Vice Invader, GIR appointed a council of 5 evil dictators and 2 random idiots. The council was ruled by George Foreman, though other members included Harper Lee, Ronald Mcdonald, Tom Cruise, George W. Bush, R.L. Stein, and the Krazy Taco Man.
Political Career[edit | edit source]
- In 2006, Zim conquered Earth. Gir then became Vice Invader.
- At a conference in 2008, Gir said that he liked corn. Because of this comment, Gir became very popular among farmers. However, the meat industry has publicly expressed their dissatisfaction.
Gir made up a new party called the"demoplicins"
- GIR was involved in a heated race to become ambassador to Hot Topic, a race which he lost to the far more favored Jack Skellington. After the comitte that was in charge of awarding this prestigious position noticed Mr. Skellington was dead, The Insane Clown Posse won this position.
Philanthropy[edit | edit source]
- GIR is well-known for his charitable acts, mainly donating a large number of rubber piggies to Toys For Tots, and saving the nearly extinct species of Bohemian Elephants. Gir also tried to outlaw all Ginger/Red head people. This resulted in him almost being assasinated by Dib (who is sectretly ginger)
Personal Life[edit | edit source]
- In 2007, GIR was found to be having an affair with Monica Lewinsky. This scandal did a lot of damage to his public image.
- In 1999, he married Britney Spears. They had three children, Jonathan Tuttle (born 4/2/00),Billy-Bob Joe-Bob (born 2/18/03),and Johnny C. (born 7/7/07). They are now divorced.
- GIR was recently married to Your Mom. When asked about any children GIR told press that he likes cupcakes.
- GIR enjoys long walks on the beach, pizza, and teaching hamsters to play SOCOM: U.S. Navy Seals.
- GIR's favorite food is steroids.
- GIR's first crush was on Xeela, Heifer Queen of Jupiter.
- GIR has an offspring whom he kept secret. It's half Tripout, one of GIR's political party's enemy species, so this may be why it was kept quiet for so long. The things name is Yurtysog - he hides in a cave on the planet of Tryuton in the Goz galaxy.
- GIR has recently been sited with Johnny Depp
Likes[edit | edit source]
- GIR likes many things. In fact, there is very little stuff that GIR doesn't like. His favorite movie was the "Intestines of War", which was quickly taken out of circulation after the the intestine-phobic populous started a civil war with Taco Bell and churches. They were all wiped out, leading way for the Devil to do the hokey pokey all over the world. You can, in fact, look this up in the Guinness Book of World Records under "Bogus crap that some kid in Media Comm made up". He also loves the little tacos. He loves them good. One of Gir's favorite hobbies is killing you, which he does very well.Gir also enjoys running, running ruuuunnnnnnning, being naked and tuna.. duuhh... But by far Gir's favorite thing to do is eat cupcakes.
Rare list of things Gir doesn't like[edit | edit source]
Note: Most of the stuff listed must be hated according to the laws of the universe.
- Jack Thompson
- Uwe Boll
- Oprah
- Tom Cruise and his harem.
- Inuyasha and any other shojo crap
- George Dubya Bush, too dumb even for him.
- Chuck Norris, the joke has to end somewhere.
- Clank his somewhat smarter twin brother only smarter.
- Power Rangerskimberly the pink ranger wouldnt go out with him.
Controversy[edit | edit source]
Like all political figures, even Gir has controversy. Despite being the god of growlongs, Gir is secretly Hindu. He was influenced by the mutant elephant man person thingy. This has caused major unrest against the growlongs, in which 9,000 scientologists were killed. Also, Jesus recently criticised Gir for being a crappy messiah, ditching his own followers. Gir responded by launching a sandwhich out of his head which touched Jesus's halo, thus causing pluto to be demoted. Out of spite, pluto went up to Jesus and shaved his beard.
According to the Holy Book of Piggy, the growlong's religious book (written on dried dandruff), the universe was created when a intergalactic space pig came intact with a intergalactic space taco. The result gave God indegestion, thus crapping out the universe. However, the planet Irk was the only planet pissed out by God, in which growlongs describe it as the divine kidney stone. On said kidney stone, a tiny drop of cum manifested all the emotions in possible existence that negated each other out until only idiotic happiness remained, thus creating Gir. Gir grew up in the Irken empire, not knowing his fate. Until one day the Angel Satchel came down to him in all his weirdness. He told Gir he needed to destroy the Universe since God got tired of everything and the only cool people are Jesus and some dude called Bob Gerretson. Gir then said: HEHE! Chicken! I'm gonna eat you!, and then he ate the angel. Gir then used the gas caused by consumption of the angel to fly and create a swarm of fart that cleansed the world of douchebags. However, Gir got caught in fish batter and was crucified by those fuckers at Nick. It was recently criticized by Tom Cruise for being written by Monkies on crack. Tom's comment created a great uproar in the monkey community and nobody gave a shit since scientology is stupid.
Gender?[edit | edit source]
Many thinks Gir is a dude, but recent studies by those damned scientists show that Gir may in fact, be a girl. This explains Gir's fangirlish behavior, like hyperactivity, high sqeeish voice, and saying random stuff, not to mention the fact Gir always hugs Zim whenever he/her/it/ consumes Earth crap. Gir has also exhibited behaviors of being attracted to squirrels, a trait common in fangirls. The G in Gir may infact stand for Girl. Gir may be infact be both genders like Marilyn Manson.
Quotes[edit | edit source]
"You're friend's at the window!!"
~Gir as Sodomy Hussein's hide out/rat hole was penetrated
“IT WAS ME! I WAS THE TURKEY ALL ALONG!”
“GIR, release the monkey!”
“MONKEYYYYYY!!!!!!”
“I miss you, cupcake :( ”
“I loveded you Piggy! I loveded you!! ”
“Can I be a Mongoose Dog?”
“I'll take two!!”