User:Apollo1758/project17

Colored People's Time (CPT) is a time zone in the Western Hemisphere. Colored People's Time was invented by black people in Detroit, who felt lazy and just didn't give a damn about showing up on time anymore. Colored People's Time was successful, and gave them more time to do stuff like blast music from their apartment and eating fried chicken. It is currently followed by millions of colored people, and wannabes, whether they intend to or not. Even though it isn't officially recognized by the United States government, millions of black people have been petitioning for it, claiming the government's ignorance of Colored People's Time is racist. UPN once scheduled its shows in CP Time to better target African-Americans before it was dissolved. [1]

Using Colored People's Time

Don't mind that guy, he's on CP Time.

In Colored People's Time, it's impossible to show up late for anything. Instead of time controlling what you do, you control what time do. Think of it as the difference between having your wife fix you whatever she feels like for dinner and going to a restaurant.

For example, let's pretend your boss schedules a meeting for 9:00 in the morning, but you feel like sleeping in for 4 hours. No prob! Now the meeting is at 2:18 in the afternoon, giving you enough time to play a pick up game of basketball and shizzle a nizzle. Now, let's pretend one of your friends asked you to attend a funeral for one of their family members, and the funeral started at 7:00 at night. Screw that! Besides, you're only going there for the food. No one will mind if you come at 8:13; besides, everyone will forgive you when you say you're on CP time. In CP Time, it isn't your fault if you're late; it's everyone else's fault for thinking you are late.

CP Time not only lets blacks have more time to play Madden, but it also helps African Americans reach amazing top speeds while sprinting. CP Time not only lets African Americans slow down time for their advantage, but lets people like Reggie Bush speed up themselves to make it look like everyone else is on CP Time. Michael Jordan used Colored People's Time, combined with his Air Jordans, to perform spectacular dunks, and have a little more time to judge his shots. Barry Bonds used CP Time, combined with steroids, to get acute reflexes and heat seeking abilities. This gave himself an equivalent of 100 seconds in normal time to swing at the ball. Allen Iverson uses CP Time to get down the court faster than everyone else, and have an excuse for why he hogs the ball so much.

What to do if you meet a white dude who doesn't give a damn about CP Time

This is a situation that happens a lot, and is unavoidable if you're boss isn't a colored person also. For some reason, white people just don't understand why black people aren't constantly running all over the place, like they're catching a bus or something. There are several things you could do in this situation:

1. Give them a long, boring lecture about the history of black people, or force them to read this book.
2. Tell them that Egyptians are really black, and watch their face get red in denial.
3. Direct them to this web page for some factual, unbiased information on CP Time.
4. Tell them that white people didn't invent everything on Earth, and they didn't invent time either.
5. Tell them black people invented the elevator, democracy, and agriculture, and that God must be black if he created black people before white people.
6. While no one's looking, sneak and set all of the clocks in the building to CP Time.
7. Engage in an all-out, profanity filled shouting match. This isn't recommended unless you know you'll never see that person in your life again.

Calculating time to Colored People's Time

There is no math formula on how to calculate CPT, but as one anonymous member of the Crips explains, "Itz jus da tim, plus ho'much a bum yo ar, timz how blak yo ar on a scal o 1-100, dividedby ho whit yo ar on a scal o 0-1000." [2]