It's basically a rough draft right now, and I'm honestly not sure if this works or if it simply falls flat on its face.
Mr. Monkey 
Pant-hoot here. 19:56, 24 August 2008 (UTC)
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This article is under review by
<font-weight:bold>Gerry Cheevers.
Sayeth Gerry: shotgun!!
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| Humour:
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7.4
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*intro: 8
excellent start. i like a lot of your content here. i have no problem, for the most part, with your use of first person, so long as you remain consistent with it. however, i find things like "It's a joke. You like it? I got, like, a thousand of them. We'll hang out sometime, you'll find out. Anyway, returning to the point..." tend to take away from the story. try for more of a straight up narrative than wandering off into these little side bits that don't really contribute much. other than that, solid intro, i am really looking forward to reading the rest.
- is this some sort of joke: 9
i have to say, i enjoyed this section immensely, and i don't have much to say to make it better. your use of 'classy poop jokes' is perfect. the poisson ivy bit is genius, as is the buildup in this section.
this section drags a little. i have a slight problem with your narration here as well. you use 'like', as if you are speaking, but it doesn't work well when written out. i would remove those to better the flow of the narrative. also, the narrator descends to vulgarity several times. i think it sort of takes away from the classy displeasure of a common guy who is literally in disbelief that there is no bathroom in the woods.
this section is adequate, but the narration is again hard to read. it might work well if spoken aloud, but phrases such as 'and then i was all like...' serve to confuse the reader. again, make the narrative more professional sounding, as if this person were writing about the experience afterwards, rather than describing it to his buddy in a bar.
- wait a second / oh shit: 7
a decent ending. you again stray into confusing language and vulgarity, but i've already touched on those points. i like the ending, although it is a little predictable, it's pretty good. i really liked the fireworks bit.
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| Concept:
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8.5
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5/5 points for a well-known subject. i'd say we should have an article on this.
3.5/5 points for execution. i like the concept of a guy narrating, but like i said, make it sound more like a written account than an oral account. if he was classy enough to not go in the woods, he certainly wouldn't cuss repeatedly (well, maybe at the end). other than that, a solid idea executed pretty well.
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| Prose and formatting:
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7
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prose and stuff was good, if hard to read at times. you only have about two links, go through and link up some words in there to blue-ify your article. formatting was good.
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| Images:
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7
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images were relevant, and the captions added to them well enough. the second one is the best. i think you're good on this front.
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| Miscellaneous:
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7.5
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arvrigged.
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| Final Score:
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37.4
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my preview buton tells me that your score is 37.4 with some tweaks i would be moved to vote for this on VFH. however, articles such as this tend to polarize readers, so i think you should get one more opinion before a VFH run, even if it's a (quick). that being said: well done! i really like that you're expanding your horizons, and the quality of your writing has skyrocketed since you started here. i look forward to seeing the progress of this article, as well as your other works.
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| Reviewer:
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SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 20:47, 25 August 2008 (UTC)
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Pant-hoot here. 19:56, 24 August 2008 (UTC)
