A work in process, I'm trying to combine the iconicness of it with blind praise. Need advice.
RedHot (talk) 09:12, 31 March 2013 (UTC)
Put some pics in. --IFYMB! 10:03, 31 March 2013 (UTC)
- What he said. Also somebody should actually review this. I would but it's 9:15pm and I'm half asleep to the point I'm surrounded by talking catfish... ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!)
10:15, 31 March 2013 (UTC)
- I'm on it.--Snippy 10:19, 31 March 2013 (UTC)
| Humour:
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6
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This is quite good for a first article, and certainly better than our current McDonald's article. I think you're on the right track, but I still have a few pointers to make.
- You create most of the humour in the 'detractors' section by stating the opposite of the truth. I think you should try to make sure this style of humour doesn't dominate the article, because while it's not a BAD strategy for laughs, its not a particularly creative one either. Try and mix it up with other types of jokes. Another idea is to come up with funny ideas WHY the article's writer believes this stupid things.
- Another thing I noticed is that the two main sections are different in their style. The first is more encyclopaedic, with not much bias and less 'stating the opposite' humour, while the second is mainly written in first person, has lots of rhetorical questions, and is very positive towards McDonalds. Once again, that's not a bad thing and having some stylistic differences between sections is fine, but I think articles work best if the style is pretty much constant.
- While the current McDonald's article we have here is pretty terrible, there might be some good ideas buried in there somewhere. Read it through and feel free to steal anything you like, because (if you finish your article) the current version will be replaced by yours anyway.
- ALSO, be sure to check out HTBFANJS if you haven't already, it has some good tips on humour and writing and stuff.
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| Concept:
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6
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The subject of McDonald's has a wealth of potential for a good article, though it may be a challenge to come up with something amazingly original from it.
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| Prose and formatting:
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4
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Ok, this is probably the article's weak point.
- Many of your sentences could be broken up into smaller sentences, or could just use some well-placed commas. For example, your opening sentence: "McDonalds is an iconic fast-food restaurant serving every sort of food imaginable that is firmly rooted in 119 countries with over 3,000,000,000 locations worldwide," is probably too long, and I would personally break it into two. There are also a couple grammar and spelling things here and there that need to be sorted out. BASICALLY you need to comb through the article carefully, maybe read out sentences aloud, and make them sound as best you can.
- The formatting problems are basic - you need links and images. Both are very important. If you're not familiar with wiki links, look at Wikipedia articles to understand what words you should link. Image wise, there might be a couple of useful pics for your article on the mainspace McDonald's page, or at Category:McDonald's. There are also countless funny McDonald's parody images on the net that you can upload and use, many of which might even inspire more jokes for the article.
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| Images:
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2
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What everyone said above. Needs images. Gave you a 2 because I'm nice and you're still working on this and it's easy to fix. But yeah. Needs images.
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| Miscellaneous:
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5
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Averaged all your scores and added 0.5 because I felt like it.
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| Final Score:
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23
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So, to sum up everything I said: Don't let 'stating the opposite' humour dominate too much, try to keep a consistent style throughout the article, proofread your article thoroughly, add images and links. Overall it's good so far, so keep working at it. Hope that helped in some small way, and hope that you stick around to write more!
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| Reviewer:
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--Snippy 10:53, 31 March 2013 (UTC)
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