Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnScripts:OH SHIT!!!! I Fucked My Girlfriend's Mother!!!! (2nd Review)
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
UnScripts:OH SHIT!!!! I Fucked My Girlfriend's Mother!!!! [edit source]
Did some reworking, and tried to makee it less juvenile. Indepth please! Thanks!--- 
20:45, February 17, 2011 (UTC)
- Hm, guess I'll do it since I'm not doing anything else.
(talk) 02:56, February 18, 2011 (UTC)
| Humour: | 7.5 | There is a lot of funny parts in this article. However, there could be a few more humorous parts earlier in the article as right now there isn't much to keep the more scatter-brained readers interested. Also, the 4th wall breaking part at the end is a little awkward, but it's short enough and in the right place to where it doesn't matter all that much. The rest of this section will be telling you things you already know. All the characters are really good. Even for cliches (the talking dog and mysterious stranger) they were really well done, and genuinely funny. |
| Concept: | 7 | The concept is fairly mundane and you've done a good job with the execution of the idea. The feeling of guilt that the main character feels could be expanded upon some more in order to make the ending more of climatic event for the character. As it is, he seems more worried about his girlfriend's reaction than actually guilty about the whole ordeal. Also the character of Lisa is pretty poorly defined. I couldn't tell if she was Carlos's girlfriend or sister or if she was the main character's sister. |
| Prose and formatting: | 8 | The first thing I noticed about your script is that the stage directions are simply in italics (or in italics with slashes.) The way I've seen stage directions done the majority of the time is with unitalicized parentheses or italicized brackets. There is also some spacing issues and various other things that look slightly awkward. Although I don't like blatantly copying from others Modusoperandi's recent feature is a perfect example of how to format a script. The prose is well written and sounds a lot like how my friends and I talked in high school...I mean, this conversation never happened, but if it had.... |
| Images: | 6.5 | There aren't quite enough pictures in this article. Now that that's out of the way, the images you used were good and relevant and funny (especially the dog humping the bear.) I just think there should be more of them, maybe some with multiple characters in them (where one hasn't recently auditioned for Se7en.) Also, the picture of the mother looks younger than the picture of the girlfriend. I'm assuming this is so the girlfriend matches the bottom picture, but it seems strange. I don't thin there's much more I can say on the pictures. |
| Miscellaneous: | 8 | My overall score for the article. |
| Final Score: | 37 | Nothing more I can really say so I will leave you with this: What Burger Kings have you been going to that have waiters? |
| Reviewer: |  (talk)
| |