Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Strange "white stuff," falls from sky, America baffled
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User:TheLedBalloon/UnNews[edit source]
Well, here I am, trying my hand at another winter-themed UnNews. Questions, comments, and suggestions would be very much appreciated. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon 
(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 18:18, Dec 23
- Dibsies.
Contestant CUN -- VFH NotM Buzz Ctrbs 19:00, 23 December 2007 (UTC)
- Woah, between shoveling snow and the database locking itself up like a prostitute in a BDSM club, this took a while. Lo siento! Contestant CUN -- VFH NotM Buzz Ctrbs 22:09, 23 December 2007 (UTC)
- Woah, between shoveling snow and the database locking itself up like a prostitute in a BDSM club, this took a while. Lo siento!
| Humour: | 7 | As far as humor goes, it's okay; not fantastic, but okay. I think that the joke of people jumping under a truck is overused, and not really that funny. Perhaps just focusing on the absolute panic that sets in in the situation with the town delving into chaos? I also would change Jack Mehoff's name; it doesn't really mesh well with the rest of the article. |
| Concept: | 8 | I do find the concept intriguing. I don't know how far you can really take it, but I imagine that it can be used well, and you more or less are on the right track with your general idea. |
| Prose and formatting: | 5 | The first thing that jumps out at me is the complete and total lack of internal links. Me, personally, I'm of the camp that believes that the usage of internal links can be funny; for example, linking directly to the implication of the word, like "Jennifer, thank you for your gift this past Christmas. I enjoyed the socks very much; they have improved my life considerably. Thank you again, Michael." Perhaps not to such extremes, but you get the gist. I would change any reference to "UnNews" or "we" so that it takes on more of an observer style; maybe change the last paragraph so that local climatologists are stating as such? The problem is that the tone is somewhat immature throughout; saying "Those crazy Canucks" and "Deep insight" and adding excess exclamation marks make it lose the appearance of professionalism. Straight-faced reporting on batshit crazies would make it more consistent and funnier. |
| Images: | 7 | The image is fine, and illustrates the article well enough. I might take a swing at another one, perhaps illustrating scientists analyzing a picture of a snowflake, but if not, that's adequate as is. |
| Miscellaneous: | 6.8 | Does Honolulu, ND actually exist? I don't think it really does; if it does, keep it, but if it doesn't, I'd either make more jokes about Honolulu getting snow or change it to a real small town. One of my pet peeves is non-existent place names for the sake of non-existent place names; they're okay if there's jokes about it, but just having them for no reason makes me a sad panda. Also, I would use the Source template for the source, and don't forget {{news}} and {{date}}, as well as [[Category:North America]]. Regardless, I feel bad penalizing for such, so the scores are averaged using Template:Pee. |
| Final Score: | 33.8 | Welp, you've got something good going here. I think you can funny it up a bit more. If you work with the formatting some, make it a bit more professional, and maybe take a swing at another image, you've got something going here. |
| Reviewer: |  Contestant CUN -- VFH NotM Buzz Ctrbs 22:09, 23 December 2007 (UTC)
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