Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Finished Burj Dubai rumored to be taller than Xbox
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UnNews:Finished Burj Dubai rumored to be taller than Xbox[edit source]
anotha damm n w o n e --Sir General Minister G5 FIYC UPotM [Y] #21 F@H KUN 16:50, 24 January 2008 (UTC)
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A big mug o' reviewin' strength tea? Why, that must mean this article is being reviewed by: UU - natter  (While you're welcome to review it as well, you might like to consider helping someone else instead). (Also, if the review hasn't been finished within 24 hours of this tag appearing, feel free to remove it or clout UU athwart the ear'ole). |
Wow, this is one OLD UnNews to be getting a review. Let's get it off the queue. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 13:12, 12 February 2008 (UTC)
| Humour: | 5 | Meh, I've seen worse. But on the other hand, I've seen funnier. It's not hugely well written, which is part of the problem - with a short article, you really need to maximise the impact of every word to squeeze the funny in. But it also suffers from under-explanation, which doesn't help. See concept section below. |
| Concept: | 5 | Average, really. You've got the idea of comparing this new "tallest building" to something which has been referred to as large, but on a different scale, for comedic purposes. This is fine, but really needs a little more explanation to set it up - remember the original XBox is a few years old now, people may need reminding just how much of a gargantuan lump of plastic it was reckoned to be on release. Also, side ideas are under-developed - the line about bugs, for instance, is under-sold - what kind of bugs could the building have? How are they working to eradicate them? Perhaps a spokesman could comment on the likelihood of "patches" being developed for the building if it ends up being rush-released? And what the hell does the "law of the americàn law and örder" have to do with this? Don't just dump a random idea in as a way to get off the topic you've just introduced - explain it properly or come up with a different problem that stands in its way. |
| Prose and formatting: | 4 | Meh. Under-developed, with needless repetition (Greg "Sangy Sang" Sang crops up twice), some spelling errors and a couple of clumsy sentences. If you do return to this, a proofread could be in order. |
| Images: | 6 | The right number, and relevant. And the XBox carshing into the atmosphere one works quite well. The other one, though, doesn't work so well, although I can't work out if that's just due to the caption, or the scale, or what. |
| Miscellaneous: | 5 | Averaged. In fact, that's a very good word for this... |
| Final Score: | 25 | Average, to be honest. It's OK as a quick idea knocked up in response to a day's news item. But it's not very well developed, and what humorous ideas you do have are largely lost due to not being handled properly. If you do go back to this now (after over 6 months), a more considered approach is called for - explain the contrast between the two items more clearly, comedically send up the size of the XBox more clearly, and develop your ideas more coherently, don't just add in lines that seem like a good idea and then almost abandon them, as it seems like you did here. |
| Reviewer: | --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 13:31, 12 February 2008 (UTC) | |
As always, this is only my opinion, others are available, and good luck! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 13:31, 12 February 2008 (UTC)