Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/September 26
Sergei Vasilievich Rachmaninoff was a famed Russian piano composer, whose primary goal in life was to make piano players really fucking pissed off by making his music as unplayable as humanly possible. He claimed to be a pianist himself[citation needed], but all he must have played was some easy shit like "Chopsticks" or "Mary had a Little Lamb". Seriously, if he had any actual knowledge of playing piano, he would have arranged his music in a way that was actually readable, as opposed to the messes he composed. Either that or he was on shrooms when he wrote them. Or both.
Rachmaninoff lived most of his life in turn of the 20th century Russia, which would be one explanation as to why his compositions were so screwed up. The man had to live through all 3 of the Russian revolutions, and if you weren't Lenin, the odds are that something bad might have happened to you. I am not an expert on his life, so I'll try to stay away from his specifics as much as possible after trying to get my brain around the convoluted vortices he would call music. (Full article...)