Uncyclopedia:Business/Merc Squadron War Surplus Store
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IF YOU ARE A MEMBER OF THE GRUE ARMY, YOU GET 75% OFF ALL OUR PRICES!!!
About[edit source]
Welcome to Merc Squadron, the only store where you can effectively build up your own personal army! Currently, we have only a few items for sale, but we hope to expand due to the growing concern of Uncyclopedia's military strengths.
If you want to make a private army, we give you permission to keep track of your forces and declarations of war on this business's talk page. if you don't want to, make it a subsidiary of your regular page, such as User:<insert name here>/Army or something. But be sure to link to our talk page, otherwise you won't be able to get free gifts and discounts from here.
Employees[edit source]
Meganew: 10 TIE Exports
Items[edit source]
Fighters[edit source]
TIE Fighters for export, straight from the overhaul facilities of the Uncyclopedian military. Comes with 1 laser cannon. Y10 for one, Half-Price if you by them in bulk(20 or more)!
Advanced TIE Fighter for export, comes with more powerful engine, heavier laser cannon, better sensors, and comfortable leather interior, along with good performance. Y20 for one, Half-Price when you buy them in bulk(20 or more)!
Pyro-GX prototype, comes with 10 swarm missiles and 4 laser cannons as armament. Y500, ONLY 10 AVAILABLE!!!
GTF Angel scout fighter, carries 2 light lasers and 10 heat-seeking missiles. Y20
GTF Apollo space superiority fighter, carries 4 light lasers and 20 heat-seeking missiles. Y50
GTF Valkyrie interception fighter, carries 4 light lasers and 15 heat-seeking missiles. Y35
Starhawk prototype, comes with 4 laser cannons and 10 swarm missiles. Y100, ONLY 10 AVAILABLE!!!
If you want to shatter ears as well as records, get one of these F-84H Thunderscreeches. Goes over 500mph. Y25
X-Wings for sale, currently some of the best space superiority fighters for sale. Y50
The F-35 Lightning II is perfect for planetary defence, as it is superior to the majority of spacecraft in atmospheres, such as X-Wings. Y10
These original Vipers will make any Battlestar galactica fan happy, plus they fight pretty good too. Y25
These N-1 Starfighters have very accurate guns and a lovely streamlined shape. Y25
Bombers[edit source]
GTB Athena light bomber, carries 4 light lasers and 5 500lb bombs. Y40
A380, fresh from the UNSOC and Grue Army surplus, comes as a transport, but can easily be converted to a bomber. Y50
Get an RC-135, the only heavy bomber capable of doing barrel rolls and loops. Comes with 10 500lb bombs and 1 nuclear weapon. Y100
The Y-Wing is excellent for a small army, as it is tough enough to withstand major punishment and still deliver its load. Y50
Capital Ships[edit source]
Daedalus Class Battlecruiser - Straight from Stargate for your personal use. Get this vessel and you get a complementary naming as well! Includes numerous railguns, missile launchers, and Asgard beam weaponry. Only Y500!
Guns[edit source]
Get a Light Anti-tank weapon to... Well, blow stuff up. Also try using it as a decoration! Y100
A Flaregun. Signal for help from the Grue Army by using these (Adding an image of the flaregun to a member's talk page, plus what you need help for.)! Y5
Get yourself an M-16, the ultimate American weapon! If you don't buy one, they you're a pathetic communist piece of crap! Y5
Get yourself a quarter gun and you can literally waste money killing people!!! Only Y10!
The most awesome water gun ever. If you have trouble with cats getting on your lawn, shoot 'em with this. Y5
Why get a gun with a bayonet when you can get a chainsaw gun? It comes with a 2-year supply of gas for the chainsaw and 90 bullets for the gun. Y20
If the chainsaw gun isn't enough, try our chainsaw rocket launcher! Guaranteed to slice right through your target or your money back. Please don't lie to get your money back... Y50
A high-power SMG, capable of putting out over 4000 rounds per minute. Specify 5.56mm NATO or 7.62mm NATO caliber. Y30
This guy likes his AK, and so should you, when you buy yours! Specify AK-47, AK-74, or AK-108. Y1
If a regular piece of small arms won't do, try our 105mm recoilless rifle! Also great for blowing up landmines and tanks. Y100
Buy the Desert Eagle, the only .50 cal handgun available today! capable of making someone asplode in just 1 shot. Y15
One of our ultimate pwnage weapons, this gun has both a 7-round revolving chamber and a 60 round magazine. Y10
If you want an all-around average assault rifle, get yourself the FAMAS. Y20
Tell all your enemies to burn with this disposable flamethrower, capable of lighting over 5 people on fire at once. Y50
Buy yourself a triple-barrel semi-auto Glock 81 and we'll include a second one for free! Specify .38 Special or 9mm Parabellum. Y20
The most modern pistol today, the M9 Beretta, can be yours today for only Y5!
Buy this minigun and you'll never have to worry about illegal aliens invading your city! Drill Sergeant not included. Y100
Buy this and pull it on your enemies, claim to have a gun, and watch as they stop going after you and die from sheer laughter. Y10 for 100
If you want the mother of all SMGs, get yourself a Thompson SMG. Specify M1928, M1, or M1A1. Y25
For a limited time only, get an opportunity to buy a Soviet Triple-Barrel Shotgun. 3 times the power of 1 shotgun, and 3 times longer to reload! Y35
For those who want a compact design, go for the Uzi. When you pull the trigger, the hose-barrel will flail around wildly, killing everything in sight. Y10
The XM8 Carbine, a former military prototype, is now available for civilian sale with a chainsaw bayonet. Y30
Now available is the M40A1 Pulse Rifle, capable of drilling a hole into 3 feet of steel with one pull of the trigger. Y100
A little fiddling around by our technicians ended up adding an M249 box magazine to an M4 Carbine, producing an extremely powerful gun. Y50
The most powerful rifle ever, the Barrett M82 .50 Cal sniper rifle, can now be yours! Y100
Vehicles[edit source]
Get your very own Military Humvee! Complete with Rocket Launcher (Ammo Included). Seats 5. Perfect for blowing up your Neighbor's car. Y500
A captured Wikipedian M1 Abrams tank. The most powerful vehicle we have. Y1000
Jeeps are pretty standard as military vehicles, and ours come with an awesome minigun replacing the machine gun. Y100
German Tiger tanks have just been released, and we're selling them for bargain prices! Y500
If you don't want to spend much, we have homemade tanks for sale. A lot of power for a cheap price. Y200
Special Deals[edit source]
Currently, we are offering a 50% discount on both types of TIE Exports. Also, if you buy 1 Glock 81 handgun now, you can get a second one for free!