UnReviews:Kamen Rider SummonRide!
“IF YOU DO NOT BUY MORE, YOU CAN'T WIN;”
Welcome to the newest and long-awaited UnReview by Mr-ex777. Just like my last review on Really Shitty Games, this game is shite; but unlike our past reviews which are simply misinformation, This is a real, live shit game screaming to destroy your wallet and sanity. If you do not believe it, you can see here but it's all weeaboo language. And it's not a typical run-of-the-mill pay to win game; It involves REAL figures so if you do not have a figure shop nearby you can't play at all. You can, but you can't win. Let the subhumanity commence!
The player controls a Kamen rider figure in a typical action game. The player inserts a Kamen rider figure into the game and controls it to run around and attack enemies. There are 5 types of Kamen riders, Fire, Water, Wind, Light and Darkness, and the game set gives you 3 Kamen Riders to play with. (This is not enough.) Items can sometimes be guarded by gates which can only be opened by specific types of riders. Your riders can rank up and it will be saved in your figure. "Ride Chips" can be used to power up your riders just like Plant food in Plants vs Zombies 2. again, they are obtained by gachapon, so you may as well as give up if one of these gacha machines are not available.
Kamen Rider is a Japanese superhero series much like ultraman, and in this case, it's an armored man wearing a mask defending earth against "Kaijin". (Not Gaijin) However, this one takes place in a fantasy world Known as a "crystal world", with stuff like faeries and Talking animals. In fact you can say it is similar to Zelda. Why it should be Kamen rider, it can't be anything else? It can just be anything else.
The characters in the game do talk and their voice actors are pretty good, but they only say a few catchphrases and interaction is low. And to top it all off, You, the Kamen Rider does not talk at all, save for after defeating the final boss...If you can.
The story is also shite; it's simple; "This fantasy world is under threat and you must save it." In fact you can hardly say there's any story, there's absolutely no story to be said and even if gigantic danger is arising, the characters continue to talk like dumbasses and do not contribute to the story at all.
The enemies also pay NO respect to the original series as well, for no reason they mass produce enemy Kaijin and there's no explanation to that, while they also suddenly appear in extremely massive sizes for no apparent reason. And it also does not end after the final boss; you still have to "Catch the remnants!" and it never ends.
So, tell me the main problem, please?
“TOTAL PRICE TAG FOR COMPLETION (AVERAGE); 176 USD. NOW GO FUCK YOURSELF IF YOU REALLY DID IT!”
Well, to be one word straight; THIS GAME IS IMPOSSIBLE WITHOUT PAYING!!!! and it's not your typical run-of-the-mill pay to win scams, i warn you, they are REAL figures and REAL light chips, which basically sums up as plastic crap. And you can't buy them in USA, only in japan, unless you can use amazon.jp.
But before i state this, i will have to say: The readability of the figures are horrible. The figure's data is read using the FIGURE itself instead of a chip in the bottom, and if it gets damaged, it instantly returns to LEVEL ONE and you will have to rank up the figure all over again. And if it touches oil or fire (So DO NOT PLAY THIS GAME after dinner) it won't be able to read at all. And it also freezes when reading the figure or using super attacks, which is worse than chrome on the iPhone.
Now to the main topic.
- The game only gives you 3 starting riders; fire, water and wind, and you will have to buy Light and Dark riders. And this means that light and darkness gates are basically PAY TO UNLOCK. Aside of this some gates have to use various riders so collecting 1 rider of each type will not enable you to complete the game. Obviously some of these are paid so free players do not stand a chance.
- In this game, there are NO extra lives and every time you lose you will have to insert a new rider figure. If you do not have like 8 to 20 figures, The enemies will take you apart and your time will be over in less than 3 minutes. Clearing this piece of scam without any additional plastic crap is equal to playing Plants vs Zombies War without spending a single cent.
- And level 100 is also a premium level; Normal characters can only go to level 99, and level 100 can only be accessed by collecting all figures! and level 100 characters have MASSIVE advantages over level 99 figures, which is just as good as NicoNico's premium service. And the game does not give any explanation AT ALL.
- And completing this game needs a total of 21252 YEN (176 USD) and since the important lightchips are given via gacha, THE AMOUNT CAN GO OVER THIS AND STRIKE IN FRONT OF ABOMINATION UNLEASHED.
- And when playing as 4 players, neither player can use light chips and when playing as 3 players, one player cannot use light chips. This is NOTHING save for Bullying!
- Overall the worst thing about this, unlike Plants vs. zombies war and Abomination Unleashed, This is not simply data; it features REAL figures and REAL light chips and as they are bought in real time, one has to become a god to even know where to buy figures and encounter light chip gachas. And most of the useful figures and chips were sold for an extreme premium price and is nothing more than torture.
- About the enemies, they also recycle the same landscape for all of the stages and also mass produce the same enemy over and over again. Especially the middle-last stages simply recycle the same map over and over again and it makes me wonder did a bored Jew made all of this.
“A pile of incomprehensible shit; This is the same class as Plants Vs Zombies War, albeit in a different genre.”
What "Redeems" this gigantic piece of barefaced nonsensical bullcrap is it's super-nonsensical difficulty. Here are the elements that make this game, as Electronic Aids movement states, "If you do not buy, you can't win!";
- Insane amount of enemies accompanied with impossible to dodge bullet hell esque attacks; Not only you were presented with insane amount of enemies, the enemies are so terribly fast and powerful that you will get put into stunlock hell and die. To top it all off, stuff like beams and hurricanes get thrown off screen and are literally unavoidable, and the enemies also have astounding health and attack and you can die in seconds. In fact you can say that it's "Sudden death". Level 99 figures can die in 5 or 6 hits by a boss.
- At first the game seems easy, but at the middle part the difficulty increases to extreme, and later on it basically sums up as "Pay or die".
- The final boss is literally crazy and has 5 stages of powering up, and has extreme amount of health and it's attack can kill you in 2 hits or less, and is so difficult that one might consider "Is the creators of this game possessed by Satan?"
- And there are no recovery methods, so The number of figures you have is the number of lives you have. If you do not buy, you can't win at all, and if you do your sanity will be lost to the jew, which is literally two extremes.
- There are people who can clear this game only using the default items given in the package of the game, but these people are just as good as clearing Plants vs Zombies war without paying a cent and are above God. For regular humans, it's just as good as playing a rigged nuzlocke in a Pokemon game. After all, these people are often called blazn azns and are often descendants of AAA.
- And at last, this game is made for kids. This is clearly mental clinic level. In a way that it will leave you insane.
This game has an extreme share of bugs and after reading 4 figures the game freezes. Patches only cause more bugs and it can be said that this game has more bugs than your run of the mill shovelware.
The figures are literally shit too as the figures have no paintjob on the back and are just as delicate as bootleg toys from your local flea market. And it is possible that TWO FIGURES CAN PLAY KAMIZUMO ON TOP OF THE FIGURE SENSOR, and it's MUCH better and fun than enduring this piece of jewfaggotry. Not to say these figures are so terribly difficult to get as your local toy store may sell them but not much due to the game's sheer shitiness. And that's only Japan, in here, you can't play the game at all as your only solace is Amazon which does not sell to Gaijin normally.
The Kamen Rider's purpose is to "Guard the dreams of kids with the light of hope"...But now, all we can see is Kamen Rider scamming your money and teaching your kid that paying can solve all problems. The things that makes this game above all current pay to win games in terms of shitfuckery and greed is the sheer number of out of game transactions that this game needs you to win, extreme freezing and bugs, and the most deviated plot that barefacedly destroys the original setting, all make this game feel like we are at the end of times. It makes me feel that world war III is coming, then the Muslims will rule the world, and armageddon will descend to humanity, all under the predictions of the Bible, and also making us feel like that money does not exist and is only a delusion my man. And it's so terrible that the KUSO GAME OF THE YEAR in Japan, marks it as the 2014 worst crap game in the console, which indicates the jews had won over humanity as the champion again.
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's UnReviews series. See more UnReviews
This subject is -4444 out of 5 stars!
RUN!!!! IT'S REAL!!!!! THE HORROR!!!! MY WALLET!!!!!!
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