UnNews:We have road copters
Saturday, March 15, 2025
The Door to Hell, CALIFORNIA -- Devotees of futurology, rejoice – for the day many a generation has so desperately anticipated has finally arrived: we have road copters! Enthusiasts of such sci-fi as Forwards to the Past, need no longer dream of such a concept, for the future is now.
At last, humanity has taken the best parts of a helicopter – the sleek design, the impressive engineering, the exhilarating ability to take to the skies – and removed the one feature that restricted pilots from living the true life on the highway: flight.
The visionary behind this groundbreaking innovation, experienced pilot Jim Dukhovny, achieved it through a remarkably straightforward process – one that involved detaching the skids from some privately-owned aircraft and replacing them with the wheels of his Jeep.
With this simple yet revolutionary modification, the aircraft-turned-road vehicle can now glide smoothly across the asphalt of the Californian landscape, or at least what remains of the current barren wasteland after Snowflake-in-Chief razed the state ablaze.
For years, Dukhovny soared above the world, reveling in the majesty of unrestricted air travel, free from the constraints of traffic congestion, stop signs, road rage and grand theft auto. But something essential was missing.
Upon being asked what motivated him to bring this revolutionary contraption to the world, the CEO of Alef Aero responded, "Flying is exhilarating, but it gets lonely," questioning whether he was truly making the most of life if he wasn't occasionally trapped by a minivan with a "Baby on Board" sticker.
It was in those quiet moments, thousands of feet above the globe, that Dukhovny contemplated to himself, "What if I were in the midst of all that traffic enough to render a man paranoid of whether or not he'll arrive late to work by a mere nanosecond?" And thus, the Road Copter™ was born, not as a tool for avoiding congestion, but as a means to fully embrace it, rotor blades and all.
Studies carried out by the United States Department of Transportation show that 0% of drivers experienced first-hand accounts of intense vexation upon being stuck in traffic for periods of over three hours in 2024 – a 0% increase from the year prior – so why should pilots be excluded from this bliss? "The sky is no longer the limit," says Dukhovny, "but you can bet my wallet that traffic definitely is."
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Anthony Cuthbertson "World’s first flying car hops over vehicle in public test" The Independent, February 26, 2025