UnNews:Wake up call
Monday, May 3, 2021
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This article is part of the UnNews Weather Service, your source for up-to-the-minute (brain) fog. |
The end of April 2021 was very depressing. COVID-19 infections went down, sure, but nothing newsworthy happened. Besides maybe DC statehood passing 216-208 in the House of Representatives. The world was begging for UnNews, which was not delivered for weeks now. But the world takes on a dramatic wake up call.
27 tornadoes touched down many states including Georgia, Mississippi, Nebraska, and a few other states, yesterday and today. We do not know the ratings or if they are real, but the world seems to be waking up. Was the world on hibernation? I don't think so, many things happened, but just nothing that impressive. The Shizuoka Prefecture of Japan saw 3 injuries and a possible tornado, and an F2 caused very severe damage across Poland. Elvis Presley who is dead is dead even more, and also infected with tornado diseases, because of this tornado. Apparently the world is waiting to rock us with a new month.
But now the research phase begins, or else all of this amazingness will fade into the dark abyss of random content such as every video on YouTube. As Texas reaches over 100˚F and becomes a stove, and as we see even Georgia hit 90˚F and same in South Carolina, and as that sun screeches higher in the sky, the world is becoming more exciting.
However, boring stuff has also happened. But that doesn't matter - watch out. Take this wake up call, or else you will be woken up...with glass shards in your face.
May 4 Update[edit | edit source]
May 4, 2021 - Apparently tornado watchers need a wake up call. Only 18 tornadoes were confirmed in Georgia, Mississippi, Nebraska and Louisiana. This is due to poor storm chasing and being dumb. This information came in at 12:00 UTC on May 4, and just goes to show you sleepyheads really need to wake up.
May 5 Update[edit | edit source]
May 5, 2021 Mexico City, Mexico - News is reported that a train crash killed 25 people and caused 70 injuries due to support beams and an idiot train driver. We are clearly learning that being asleep is killing many people. Remember to wake up, as anyone who is asleep could clearly be next.
In addition, said tornado outbreak appeared to have caused 45 tornadoes and 9 injuries, so reminder again - wake the hell up, or you will die. Maybe.
And Gale5050 was blocked. Hmmm.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- "Tornado outbreak: Destructive tornadoes sweep through Mississippi, U.S." The Watchers, May 3, 2021