UnNews:Uncyclopedia Celebrates 23,000th 23,000th Article

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

18 January 2008

UnNews, certainly the coolest arm of the UncycloEmpire, is watching you... and you... and even me.

UNIONDALE, Unim-Press - Uncyclopedia has done it again. And again, and again, and again. Following a tumultuous year of continually producing and deleting articles, Uncyclopedia marked its 23,000th article Thursday – for a mind-boggling 23,000th time.

“It seems that the number of articles escalates due to new contributions, but simultaneously de-escalates via the deletion process,” noted Uncyclopedia co-founder Chronarion. “These numbers are a tribute to the incredible lack of talent we attract on an ongoing basis. We’ve had thousands of contributors who haven’t got a clue how to write humour. Take yourself, for example.”

“This is a remarkable milestone,” stated the other co-founder, Stillwaters. “Evidently the number of pure-crap articles is precisely equal to the number of contributions.”

But is wavering around the 23,000-article line conducive to maintaining a quality web site? The Uncyclopedian known only as The Thinker doesn’t think so. “The whole point is the lack of quality,” he thought from his perch at the Musee Rodin in Paris. “That’s why we exist. If you want quality humour, go watch Johnny Carson reruns. If you want sub-quality humour, watch Jay Leno or Letterman. And if you want sub-sub-quality humour, well, that’s what we’re here for. We're kind of the creme de la creme of lowball comedy, not counting Pat Sajak - makes you kind of proud, doesn't it?”

Deletion veteran Insinheratehymn provides an alternative analysis. “The problem occurs when people take matters such as making fun of George Bush into their own hands. They usually come up with a kind of random humour, attained, for example, by citing actual Bush quotes. Or they use bathroom humour - I mean, that kind of thing may have been funny in 2007, but today? Anyway, we solved the problem by banning people for making bad jokes."

But not everyone is happy. A user known only as 56.32.874.986 complained, “They keep deleting all my articles. Like the one about HowTo:Sleep With a Dead Mammoth, for example. I thought it would be helpful, especially since it’s written from personal experience. But they said it wasn’t funny, and it only got 1.5 on Pee Review. Well, it was funny, they just didn’t get it. Like the bit about the mammoth condom. And then they QVFD’d my Worst 100 Ways to Beat a Dead Horse."

Rumours of a campaign to lure in revenue from unsuspecting Uncyclopedians have been denied. Users are said to get the following message on their talk-pages: “Congratulations! You have just written Uncyclopedia’s 23,000th article, and are eligible for a $23,000 prize! In order that we may direct-deposit your payment, just send us a personal cheque, blank except for the signature, which we require for verification purposes.”

23,000th article celebrations will include a massive stub-deletion marathon, a quoticide/Tupperware party, and a How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid t-shirt distribution campaign. Should you be unable to attend, don’t worry – similar celebrations are planned for next week. And the week after. And…

Sources

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• Uncyclopedia Celebrates 22,298th 23,000th Article, Unim-Press
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