UnNews:UK Economy Crashes
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
6 March 2009
SOUTH WALES', UNITED KINGDOM -- Reports have been received of a crash involving the UK economy and another vehicle on the elevated section of the M4 near Port Talbot, South Wales. Eye witnesses who saw the crash take place in the early hours of Tuesday morning have suggested that the economy seemed to lose control of fiscal and banking regulatory policy shortly before careering wildly into the path of an oncoming articulated lorry. Police, Fire Brigade and Ambulance Service personnel have been drafted in from the entire South Wales region to deal with the emergency which has been described as a "scene of financial carnage of Biblical proportions" by some locals. Car manufacturing giants such as Vauxhall and Jaguar are believed to be receiving emergency "cash injections" at the scene whilst some, as yet unconfirmed, reports suggest that a number of major banks may still be trapped in the wreckage.
This is not the first time that the UK economy has been involved in a crash of this nature but this seems to be the worst for some time and experts have been unanimous in their condemnation of the way it has been driven in recent months. Amidst calls in Parliament for a full "root and branch" public enquiry into causes of the crash, the Leader of the Opposition, motoring pundit and Top Gear presenter, Jeremy Clarkson, has been quoted as saying: "This was, quite literally, an accident waiting to happen. It's been accepted that the 10 years under the current administration have turned the UK economy into a bloated, gas-guzzling gravy train which suffers, massively, by comparison to the sheer draw-dropping brilliance of the Bugatti Veyron. At an on the road price of more than £800K the Veyron seems a tad on the expensive side, but when you consider that it delivers a loin girding 922 lb ft of torque @ 2200rpm, and 0-60 in an eye-wateringly fast 2.5 seconds it's easy to see that it out-performs the UK economy in every measure that counts. END. OF"
Tributes have been flooding in for retail giants Woolworths (99) who were pronounced dead on arrival at Swansea's Morriston Hospital.
No Northern Rock shareholders were involved.