UnNews:Thanks for that F, Mr. Dumas

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Tuesday, May 8, 2018

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Remember this, Mr. Dumas? F you, too.

In honor of Teacher Appreciation Week, and because it's a slow news day (other than the same old Trump bullshit), we at UnNews decided to take the time to honor our teachers. Instead, I decided to tell one of them to piss off.

Hey, Mr. Dumas, or should I say Mr. Dumbass? Remember me? You gave me an F on my Great Gatsby book report back in the sixth grade, remember? I told you my dog ate it. No really, my dog actually ate my homework. I even collected his shit to prove it to you the next day. You still gave me an F. Remember that doodle I made of you, you pretentious prick? Yeah, the one on the left. And I actually did know how to spell properly; I was just being tongue in cheek. You gave me three weeks detention! You bastard! Remember that? It was 20 years ago, so you probably have Alzheimer's and can't remember.

Fluffy finally outgrew his habit of chewing up paper by the seventh grade, so I didn't have to worry about this problem anymore. But you still gave me an F for farting in class. We all gotta do it sometime, Mr. Dumas! Those burritos at lunch were just too good to resist.

I did see the Leonardo DiCaprio Great Gatsby movie and it was quite good. Yes, it took a few liberties, but Gatsby still got shot at the end. Can I have my A now?

Didn't think so. Anyway, happy Teacher Appreciation Week from UnNews.

See also[edit]

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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.