UnNews:Swiss man denies Thai king insult

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

13 March 2007

Not toilet paper

BANGKOK, Thailand -- A 21-year-old Swiss man has pleaded innocent in a kangaroo court in the backwards nation of Thailand to charges of insulting the country's bat-shit crazy king.

Not Ulrich on throne

Orel Ulrich was detained last August after wiping his ass with the Thai baht, the third world nation's money, which has the portrait of the Thai monarch, King Bhumibol Adulyadej the Mentally Challenged. He is scheduled to be sentenced to death by whiffle ball by Thai Superior Court Judge Lost Labyrinth within the next few days.

Mr. Ulrich has taken his plight to the public in hopes of gaining sympathy and possibly a non-capital sentence, like 70 years hard labor.

Ulrich's lawyer had this to say to the media, "He was at a night club with his mates and he had to 'drop the kids off at the pool', but when he looked around there wasn't any toilet paper, so he grabbed one of their rubbish paper notes and wiped his arse with it. Unfortunately for him, the toilet backed up, and the plumber started yelling for the cops when he saw the excrement-laden currency. The next thing he knew, he's being stripped naked and some Siamese guy is yelling at him shit he can't even understand."

The ambulance chaser continued, "At first he tried to deny that the crap on the bills belonged to him. The cops, however, forced him to deuce and then brought in a fecal taster who tasted Mr Ulrich's turd against the dung-flavored bill and determined that my client was responsible for 'desecrating the king's image'. Which according to Thai law is the same as treason or failing to sympathy flush."

UnNews legal experts have determined that Mr Ulrich will likely be stuck in a Thai shit hole for the rest of his crappy life.

He used one bill of 9,000 baht which is approximately 3 cents.

Sources

• "Swiss man admits Thai king insult" BBC, March 12, 2007