UnNews:Secret Soma formula revealed by Leary estate
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
7 July 2010
LAGUNA BEACH, California -- Good news for the world’s psychedelic community: Late Prof. Dr. Timothy Leary’s secret formula for making the celestial drug Soma has just been made public by his estate, the Brotherhood of Eternal Love.
What is Soma? According to a press release by the ‘Brotherhood’, Soma is a celestial beverage in India’s mythology that’s essentially non-physical and has never been found in the material creation.
But based on Indic descriptions of Soma's effects given by the Hindu gods, Dr. Leary - prior to blasting into Earth orbit - concocted a formula for synthetic Soma that would produce similar effects.
The top-secret formula, which is patented in the Cayman Islands, has only been made public by the ‘Brotherhood’ on the popular Internet site, Uncyclopedia.
The ingredients and formula are given by Dr. Leary as follows:
| “ | For one gram of pure synthetic Soma mix 12 grams of Psilocybin, 3 grams of Dimethyltryptamine, 1 ounce of Methylenedioxymethamphetamine, 12 grams Tetrahydrocannabinol, 2 grams of pure Afghani opium, 4 peyote buds, and 3 gallons of Bangladeshi "moonshine" (or Russian Vodka). The mixture is simmered in a large pot (3 meters x 3 meters) for 24-48 hours until solid. The resulting solid mixture is then squeezed through an industrial size sugarcane press until just one potent gram of synthetic Soma remains. With this magic recipe anyone can make Soma easier than an atomic bomb. But always remember my psychedelic motto, In the 3rd Bardo we trust, all others pay cash! | ” |
But the real question is how does it work?
In uncontrolled tests using synthetic Soma on lab-elephants, Dr. Leary claims to have proved that it can be used for the following:
As a sure cure for Death (Pending approval of Illuminati Medical Association). To get one's Zanzibari Magic Carpet to work. To visualize musical notes written in toothpaste. To laugh uncontrollably at a very thought. See a table lamp with the head of a pig. Or get lost in one's own bedroom. A user can also approach God on HIGH. Plus, sell for a fortune, and, generally get zoned once in a while.
Soma - until now non-existent - would be illegal if it is existent, but it’s not illegal yet. With the formula now public domain, any entrepreneur who has a huge factory, a good on-line shopping cart, and a private army, plus an agreement with the local precinct, a cut to the mob, and a good lawyer, can go into business.
