UnNews:Sarah Palin: 'Going Rouge' Hits Stores; Hints to Maverick Party
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
9 September 2010
ANCHORAGE, Alaska -- Sarah Palin begins her whirlwind tour of her newest book, fittingly titled Going Rouge. Sources tell that it was originally going to be called Story of an Average Maverick Hockey-Mom, but Palin refuted that title, calling it "anti-un-Americana" and that it should be given a title that "more better reflects the constituent constitutional freedoms this country's Constitution has provided". Thus, the name Going Rouge was born. Palin received much media attention from the paparazzi, who claimed that she had misspelled Rogue with Rouge. In written statement, Palin asserted the following:
| “ | I just don't see the correlative effectivity of propor grammer; dickshunareez are unconstitutional. | ” |
The following day, Palin started her tour in Sea World, where she lectured on Tea Party values in front of a crowd of innocent senior citizens, to which they burst out in glorious applause, and then commenced to singing the Star Spangled Banner in Russian and in Newspeak. It is reported that the Beluga whales behind her protested, in which Sarah Palin glared them down with her evilness. The belugas did not survive the encounter.
The book has already received positive critical analysis. Oprah Winfrey has added it to her list of "Books Woman with No Lives Have to Read (if they can read)". David Letterman wrote a rave review, saying that he "was appalled and amazed at Palin's masterful use of complete sentences and punctuation". Barack Obama and Joe Biden crossed party lines in their reviews, both stating that they were "impressed... by Palin's ability to use proper grammar".
Most exciting in Going Rouge are hints of Palin beginning the Maverick Party. Palin, in a quote from the book, says the following:
| “ | As I close the curtains in my Alaska home and wave goodnight to Russia, I cannot help but feel the cosmic universal vibes that emanate from Washington. As I see Putin and Obama rear their ugly heads on their respective sides of the globe, I am want to stop it. Us Alaskans know how to bring about change. When the oil tanker Titanic released thousands of gallons of oil into my waters, I knew that change needed to occur, which is exactly why it took us 20 years to fix it. I feel that, by bringing about a new change to the political politics of political Americana, us hockey-moms can fix this great country of freedom and moose. | ” |
Whether Palin decides to act on this is yet to be known. Check the Internet to see when Palin will visit your community (so you can prepare yourselves).
Palin's book is to be released in the near future. It is being translated into English at this very moment.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Magical Leprechaun that was met on the side of the road at 11:35 last Tuesday
- Library of Congress, Closed Off Section
- Area 51