UnNews:Palin defends credentials in UnNews Interview

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

12 September 2008

Alaska Governor and Vice Presidential hopeful Sarah Palin is interviewed on UNN's news magazine Stop Squirming and Hold Still. It was Palin's first televised interview since winning her party's nomination in St. Paul Minnesota two weeks ago.

FORT WAINWRIGHT, ALASKA - UNN - In her first televised interview with the Liberal Media, since her nomination as the Vice Presidential candidate of the Republican Party ticket, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin said that she is ready to become President should John McCain have an unfortunate fall down a flight of steps about six weeks following his January inauguration.

"Oh, sure yepper, I'm sure ready to get the kids all packed up and move to the lower forty-eight," said Palin, "I have been practicing for this job since I was a little girl, ya know."

Palin sat down with host Mr. Potato-head for the UNN interview, after careful consideration of a media outlet was conducted by John McCain's campaign. "We chose UnNews because we knew the questions wouldn't be too difficult," said a spokesman for the campaign.

McCain has vigorously defended Palin's ability to lead, stating that she is the Governor of the largest (in land area, not people) state in the nation, has command over the Alaska National Guard and is a girl scout troop leader in her off times.

In the interview, broadcast over UNN-TV's acclaimed news-magazine Stop Squirming and Hold Still, Palin sought to quell her critics and put the other six million Americans at ease over her qualifications.

'"You know, gosh, golly, gee, I'm a Mom, so I understand children's issues. I'm a woman so I got that one down pat as well. And next to my husband, my country and my God, I love semi-automatic weapons, too."

When asked about her dearth of foreign policy experience, Palin was quick to point out that "You betch'a. I've driven through Canada, so I got that feather in my cap, you know."

However some of Palin's answers seemed rehearsed and as a result, she became unclear when UNN's Potato-head went off script and asked about tensions between Russia and the Alaska:

UNN: You claim to have a daily task of defending Alaska from the Russians, can you clarify that?

PALIN: Well, yah, because you see you can stand in Alaska and see Russia, you know.

UNN: From where?

PALIN: Well from an island in Alaska, you can see Russia.

UNN: This island, it's inside Alaska?

PALIN: Well, yah, it is in a way, you know, but its not "inside" inside, its out in the water.

UNN: But you said that you can see Russia from an island in Alaska, so is the island in Alaska, is it part of Alaska's coast, or is it just part of Alaska?

PALIN: Well you know that's a toughie {laughs}, but its both.

UNN: Governor can you just answer the simple question about the island?

PALIN: You know, I'd like to move on, because the American people aren't interested in details, you know, they tend to be too abstract.

Palin was also asked about the infamous Bridge to Nowhere, which she claimed she said "thanks but no thanks" to the Federal Government.

UNN: So you claim credit for stopping the Bridge to Nowhere project, is that correct?

PALIN: So yah, I told the Federal Government 'Thanks but no thanks' to that Bridge to Nowhere.

UNN: But isn't true that Congress had already begun the process of stopping the project before you were elected Governor?

PALIN: We didn't want that money for that Bridge to Nowhere, so I told the Federal Government 'Thanks but no thanks' to that Bridge to Nowhere.

UNN: But you as Governor kept the money for the bridge and used it for other projects, correct?

PALIN: Oh boy, you betcha I did; sure they set the money aside for us, but if we would have wanted that bridge, we would have built it ourselves, that's why I said 'Thanks but no thanks' to that Bridge to Nowhere.

UNN: So you admit that Alaska kept the Federal money and used it for other projects - how is that helping to keep Federal spending down as you advocate now.

PALIN: So yah, I told the Federal Government 'Thanks but no thanks' to that Bridge to Nowhere.

UNN: Let us rephrase the question another way: if the Bridge was canceled before you took office in 2006, how would it have been possible for you to say "I told the Federal Government 'Thanks but no thanks' to that Bridge to Nowhere" and have had that mean anything substantive? Wouldn't one say that you were a little late on that? And while we're at, how did you save Federal Government any money on an earmark that you kept for other project?

PALIN: Boy, you sure are obsessed with this whole bridge thingy, I don't know how I can get any clearer, so I'll say this: I said THANKS BUT NO THANKS TO THAT BRIDGE TO NOWHERE.

UNN: O.K. Let's move on. You have stated that you fired the Governor's chef, saving the Alaskan government money. But you ended up transferring that person, Stefani Marnon, into a different government job. How is that saving money?

PALIN: Like I've said before, I said 'Thanks but no thanks' to that chef from nowhere!

On other matters Palin said that she isn't against book banning ("So long as we're only talking about the Good Book"), for opening up the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWAR) to drilling ("I care about the you, not caribou") and is against premarital sex, but for allowing children as young as nine to marry. She mentioned, with regard to premarital sex, that her own daughter (nicknamed "The Bristol Pumping Station" by her high-school classmates) got "a stern talking-to" for having sex before marriage.

Sources

• Associated Press "Palin defends her credentials, threatens interviewer" AOL News, September 12, 2008