UnNews:NCEA examinations start at a bad time

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

13 November 2006

I believe we would do much better at these tests if we were better rested.

NEW ZEALAND - As the National Certificiate of Educational Achievement (NCEA) examinations are nearing closer and closer, several cases of the examiniphague virus (the New Zealand Qualifications Authority (NZQA) are trying to rename this to the assemephague virus) have been found in secondary school students, and have caused drowsiness and those with the virus feel homesick.

One 6th form Year 12 student, Geoffrey Rickshaw, showed symptoms two weeks ago. Geoffrey started having problems waking up between seven and nine o'clock in the morning. He could wake up at six-o'clock but would experience extreme drowsiness by 7:30, and if not put back to bed by eight, he would immediately fall asleep. These would occur more and more frequently, and whenever he went to school, he would call his parents every 20 minutes, saying how much he missed his parents.

Last Monday, he was having trouble revising as he could not look at the example papers without shuddering. "It was as if there were some kind of force-field," said one of Geoffrey's teachers. After collapsing in a classroom, an ambulance was called and Geoffrey was taken to a hospital. After being analysed, it was discovered that his NCEA-phobia was past the point of curing, and he would remain unable to do an examination for the rest of his life.

The NZQA are unsure on what to do, and believes that if this were to continue, the New Zealand Government would have to change over to a new secondary school system.