UnNews:Jimbo Wales' head explodes

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Friday, July 25, 2014
San Francisco, California -- In a turn of events that shocked nerdom and made it pull out its inhaler, Wikipedia co-founder and Internet entrepreneur Jimbo "Jimmy" Wales' head went asplode.

As it happened, Wales was last seen pulling an all-nighter in his office Tuesday. At some point between then and Friday, his head literally exploded from within. His body was found this morning when the staff complained about an odd smell - not the usual smell of a determined and unshowered Jimbo, but the smell of death and inactivity - only to find in horror an office covered in dried blood and gray matter. It was revealed during the autopsy that Wales experienced what is known by phrenologists as exploding head syndrome, a rare condition that most famously plagued President John F. Kennedy. Although it was quickly assumed Jimbo's head exploded due to stress, Wikia co-founder Angela Beesley poetically spelled out the full story during a press conference:

Jimbo's brain to be voiced by Morgan Peeman.


She went on to explain that Wales not only propped up Wikipedia, but Wikia as well. "We have a little unwritten rule at Wikia: If it exists, there's a wiki of it. If there isn't a wiki of it, one will be provided. Jimmy was that provider. How many people give a hoot about car key molds or Australian cuisine? Subjects pulled straight from Jimmy's ass. He had a neurotic obsession with making sure every conceivable topic had a wiki dedicated to it. It didn't matter if the wiki was light in content. It simply needed to exist. Now, in a world without Jimmy, the only hope for obscure topics is cranks and people on the autism spectrum, God bless 'em."

She closed with what many would have called prophecy, if not for the unnecessary Star Wars reference; a line written by a head admin of Wookieepedia for the sake of needed promotion that Beesley regrets ever uttering.


Written in Jimbo Wales' will was the request that his body be donated to science. However, the intention of that request was that his brain would be studied and used for the vast improvement of mankind. Following a vote from the Wikimedia board of directors, the rest of Jimbo's body was donated to science after all, while the raw hamburger meat that was his exploded brains was fed to his dogs. His family was not consulted in this decision.

Sources[edit | edit source]

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The exploding Wales is not to be confused with exploding whales, no matter how pants-shittingly awesome that is.