UnNews:Jada Pinkett Smith shows some pink (sort of)
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
29 June 2012
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Another Hollywood sleazoid, the wife of actor Will Smith, has come up with an excuse to shed her clothes and show some skin. The wanna-be actress bared more than her soul, showing off her ass assets, she says, to “draw attention to herself the cause of human sex trafficking. “I hope, by my example, to show that there is a good market for those who want to profit from selling their bodies,” Smith (the wife, not the actor) declared.
Her husband, she says, “is 110 percent behind my decision to show my ass.” Like her, he believes in the cause. Moreover, rumor has it that Smith (the actor, not the wife) enjoys an occasional tryst with other men. A discrete madame claims that Smith (the actor, not the wife) has hired male prostitutes for “a little extramarital fun, from time to time.” Among Hollywood insiders, she says, “it's a well-known secret that Will swings both ways.” His marriage to Jada, like his children by her, “is just a smokescreen, so people think he's straight.” Most people in Hollywood, the madame added, “are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender; I should know.”
Smith (the wife, not the actor) appears naked on the cover of the June/July issue of Essence Magazine, “so it's not too late to buy a copy,” the editor, Constance C. R. White, declared.
Smith (the wife, not the actor) says she posed nude to teach her 11-year-old daughter Willow “about positive body image” and to send her the message that “it's okay to be black.” The photograph appears above the caption, “Black & Beautiful.” “That's the message I want my daughter to take away from this,” Smith (the wife, not the actor) says. “I want her to understand it's okay to sell yourself, that sex trafficking is a good thing for every woman, black or white.”
“When I walked up there and stripped off my clothes,” Smith (the wife, not the actor) said, “I felt like a queen, baby! Just like Jezebel or the Queen of Sheba. I want my daughter to be able to feel the same way about herself, should she decide to traffic in her own sexuality.”
Rumors also persist that Smith (the wife and the actor) may be gay. “She's a dyke,” one of Smith's (the wife, not the actor) friends affirmed. Other acquaintances of the couple claim the opposite is true. “They're married. They have kids. What's gay about that?” one associate remarked.
“I'm not gay,” Smith (the actor, not the wife) said. “Have you seen the booty I'm married to? No man can compete with that piece of ass!”
“I'm not gay,” Smith (the wife, not the actor) said. “Have you seen the booty I'm married to? No woman can compete with that piece of ass!”
The madame laughed to hear such denials. “That's right,” she said, with a wink. Nobody in Hollywood is gay. In fact, I've gotten rich off all the Tinsel Town celebrities who aren't gay!”
“My mommy is not gay,” Willow says. “If she was gay, she would be posing on covers of women's magazines, not on Essence.”
Due to her age, no one told Willow that Essence magazine bills itself as “The Black Woman's Guide to What's Hot.”
“Young people need their illusions,” Smith's (the actor's not the wife's) madame agrees. “There will be time enough for Willow to learn just why her mommy posed nude on the cover of a magazine aimed at black women who want to know who's hot and who's not.”